Kirby nodded and matched Mara’s breathing. “I raced there for Junior Nationals once.”
“Right. Well, this trail, Mize Loop, it’s one of the first trails you learn to ski as a kid. It’s easy. But it’s my mom’s favorite. She’s not, uh, very comfortable on skis, but we ski it every Christmas morning. If we’re together. I think it’s the only time all winter she gets her skis out.”
“That’s nice. I haven’t seen my parents in years.”
“I know,” Mara said gently. She rubbed Kirby’s hands harder, pressing against Kirby’s palms with her thumbs. “Do I need to get Coach? Or a doctor?”
Kirby grimaced and shook her head.
Mara stood up and helped Kirby up too. “Come with me.”
Mara led Kirby through the facility, keeping her hands to herself but staying close to Kirby.
They found an empty hallway with an empty bathroom. Mara pushed Kirby through the door.
“There are no polar bears in Anchorage,” Mara said. “Except at the zoo.”
Kirby laughed, but it sounded loud and unnatural. “What?”
“There aren’t polar bears where I grew up. They’re farther north. Alaska is big.”
“You’re such a know-it-all.”
“You need to slow down your breathing. You’re hyperventilating.”
“I know,” Kirby said, her voice paper thin. Her breathing sped up. She was shivering.
“Tell me your favorite place to ski,” Mara said. She slipped her hands up and down Kirby’s arms.
“You’ve touched me more in the last five minutes than when we fucked.”
“Hush. That’s not true.”
“Almost makes the panic attack worth it.”
Mara ignored that. “Come on. Tell me your favorite place.”
“Apollo and I skied out and camped in this primitive yurt thing once in Vermont. I spent the weekend breaking trail in the wilderness and exploring. Then we skied into this little town with a dive bar, got drunk, and had a threesome with a hot bartender.” All of Kirby’s words rushed out in one big breath.
“That tracks.”
“My lips are numb.” Kirby squeezed her eyes shut. “They start to tingle and then my cheeks tingle. And then I get so sweaty. This is the worst. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry.”
“It’s embarrassing. We’re competitors, and this feels like showing you every weakness I have. Oh, God,” Kirby started to bend over like she was going to put her head between her legs.
Mara caught her and didn’t let her. Then Mara’s thumb was right there. Right on Kirby’s bottom lip. Trying to rub the sensation back into it.
“I already know your weaknesses, Kirby.”
A pained noise worked its way out of Kirby’s throat. Mara would have done anything to take that pain away.
“Will you kiss me?” Kirby whispered. “Please. It was so good when you kissed me.”
“Kissing isn’t going to fix hyperventilation.”
“It might. Nothing else has worked so far. Worth a shot.”
