“I’m fine.”
“Bullshit, baby. I saw you doing that breathing thing at breakfast, so I know you?—”
“Don’t call me that.” She shoved him away playfully, even though she wasn’t feeling playful at all. They fucked occasionally, but she was no one’s baby. And she definitely didn’t want to talk about “that breathing thing.”
“I heard a rumor,” Apollo said. He glanced over at Lindsey, who had her back to them.
“About what?” Rumors, gossip, drama. Typical for cross-country skiing.
“That you fucked up an interview, and everyone’s pissed at you.”
She scrubbed a hand over her face. “No one should be pissed at me but Mara.”
Kirby and her agent had debriefed yesterday, and her agency was smoothing things over with everyone who needed to be smoothed.
“What did you do?” Apollo whispered. He didn’t sound judgy, bless him. Just concerned for her.
“The usual. Opened my mouth and said the wrong things. But Mara followed suit, which was”—amazing, wonderful, fun—“maybe less than ideal. Chandler Wendleton could make my life harder if he wanted.”
She squirted water into her mouth before jumping up to do another round of pull-ups. Apollo leaned against a pole andwatched. There was no one more allergic to conditioning than Apollo.
Once she dropped, he said, “Who cares what Chandler Wendleton has to say? I don’t even think US Ski and Snowboard cares. And they’re not who matters anyway. Your teammates matter. Your coaches.”
“Yeah, well, let’s hope I haven’t fucked up my place with my teammates and coaches then.”
“You prove you deserve your spot every time you ski, KB. The other stuff is just noise.”
That was true but didn’tfeellike it was. Some people didn’t love that she made headlines and money for things other than skiing.
“You’re my family,” Apollo continued. “Nothing will ever change that. Even if you stopped skiing tomorrow. And Lindsey loves you. She let you win the pullup competition.”
“Hey!”
“Brandilyn and Jordan would walk across hot coals for you. Coach Wu would burn the world down to help you.”
Kirby shook her head. She hoped that was true. The fear it wasn’t true, or wouldn’t be one day—one day in the future when she said the wrong thing or lost the wrong race or let her fame-chasing go too far—was overwhelming.
Apollo grabbed her hand and squeezed. Hewasher family. It wasn’t conditional. She had learned to trust that after years and years. He’d taken her home at Thanksgiving once when they were nineteen and she’d had literally nowhere else to go, and the rest was history. Found family had supported her much more than biological ever had, but it was hard to believe they would always be there for her. Even if she wasn’t on TV. Even if she wasn’t one of the best skiers in the world.
Tears bubbled up in her throat. She pushed them down and breathed through it.
She wasn’t usually such an easy mark, but her emotions were all right at the surface. It felt like at any moment her brain might deceive her again, push her into another anxiety attack, and she wouldn’t be prepared.
“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Kirby said. She gave Apollo a side hug, and he kissed the top of her head, holding her close for an extra minute.
The door to the gym opened, and a physio came in. “KB? Coach Wu wants a quick chat.”
“Uh-oh,” Apollo sang under his breath. “Remember what I said. You belong. Even if you piss people off.”
“If you say so.” Kirby followed the physio to a hallway of office suites. She was sure she was about to get a talking to. She’d been waiting for it all morning, but she’d hoped it would be from Chandler Wendleton, or the head coach, Coach Redman. Not Coach Wu.
Shecaredwhat Coach Wu thought of her. It mattered.
As she reached the door, Mara came out. They both pulled up before running into each other.
Mara was wearing pink, and her ponytail fell in a perfect waterfall of curls. Her Disney looks tricked people. They tricked the media and coaches and fans into thinking she was sweet. That she was the heroine of cross-country skiing.
It was all an illusion. A lie.
