‘I’m fine, honestly. It’s just…’
‘Just what, Gracie?’
‘I know it’s the circle of life, women are going to get pregnant, babies are going to be born. It’s just, well it’s just… I will never be in that circle.’
‘I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel, Gracie, but you have to draw on all the positives. You have a great nephew and sister and a new friend in me, I hope. Ed seems like a good guy. The business is booming and you’re looking really fantastic.’
‘Yes, I know all those things – but Annalize is pregnant, too.’
‘Annalize?’
Gracie took a tentative sip of her hot drink. ‘The woman Lewis slept with. I saw her the other day. I thought I was going to be sick on the floor.’
‘Oh, darling.’
Gracie broke her flapjack in half. ‘I don’t know if it’s Lewis’s – nor does he – but just seeing her made me so angry again and so bitter that she could become pregnant and I can’t. I don’t feel the same way about you being pregnant, it’s joyous, but…’
Kate looked pained. ‘What a nightmare. So does Lewis… doyou… want to know if it’s his?’
‘I have to find out, I think. Because if it is Lewis’s there is no way I could ever consider seeing him ever again. It would be too painful.’
‘I didn’t realise he was in the equation still?’
Gracie sighed. ‘I’m so confused. I missed him the other day, when Ed annoyed me. I thought perhaps in time we could work it out. I shared so much with him, Kate.’
The common was heaving with mums and kids, cyclists and horse riders.
‘Look around us, Gracie. So many people, so many men. I always think it’s amazing we end up settling with one person when there is a whole world out there. Who says any of us end up with our soul mate? I love Kevin, but compromises are made all the time, especially now that we have Alice. It’s not a perfect relationship by any means. You have the chance to find somebody, no compromises required. Maybe not going back to the safety of what you once knew was the right thing.’
Gracie took another sip of coffee. ‘When you put it like that…’
‘How’s it going with Ed, anyway?’
‘It is what it is. He brought me flowers today, but it felt like a reward for some amazing sex we had the other night. He’s not the one, I know that.’
‘Mr Right Now instead of Mr Right,’ Kate laughed. ‘Take the good sex and just enjoy yourself, I say.’
Gracie thought back to her night with Leo. He had been so kind, so caring. She felt more comfortable with him than any other man at the moment. But tomorrow he would be gone again, on to pastures new, and with another young model or actress on his arm, she suspected.
She looked at her watch. ‘I’m not sure how many ladies will come today, the weather is so beautiful.’
Kate sounded concerned. ‘Are you sure you’re up to discussing loss today?’
‘I’ll be fine. It’ll do me good not to wallow in my own misery.’
‘Well, as long as you’re sure. Sally, my author friend, is coming today; she can amuse everybody and I can do the refreshments.’
‘We’ll do them together. And thanks, Kate, for listening.’
‘Always here, you know that.’
Gracie put her hand on top of her friend’s and squeezed it. ‘I cannot wait to meet that new bubba of yours.’
‘Nor me. He or she has been a long time coming. And… I know this is premature, but if everything goes to plan, I’d love you to be the godmother, if you’d like to be, that is?’
Gracie felt tears welling again. ‘It would be an honour,’ she replied softly.
SIXTY-ONE
