‘I thought you said she never wanted kids?’
‘Well, she obviously changed her mind. I hate her as much as I hate Lewis.’
‘I know, I know. Look, do you want me to speak to Lewis? I can be calmer.’
‘No! Part of me doesn’t want to know. I don’t think I can bear it. I don’t know how I’d ever move on from it, if it is his. But it must be, Noms. Oh God.’ She stood up and started pacing the floor.
Noms was ever the pacifier. ‘If it is his, Lewis might not even know, she might not have told him. Actually, she obviously hasn’t told him. Lewis would have had to let you know. He is honest and decent enough, I’m sure. And she could have been sleeping with a plethora of men, you just don’t know.’
‘Hahaha,’ Gracie laughed falsely. ‘Honest and decent, yeah, right. Why hasn’t he called me then, Noms? Probably hatching a plan withheras we speak to get their stories straight.’
‘Grace, stop it. Call him now and see what he has to say.’
‘No. I can’t bear it. It almost feels better that there is a chance it’s not his. If I knew for sure then it would be worse than this.’
‘So, this is what you are going to do instead of lying here moping and wailing.’
Gracie sniffed. ‘What?’
Noms handed her Leo’s business card. ‘You are going to ring Leo and say you want to go out for dinner with him.’
‘Leo? Why, is he in London?’
‘He was at the door half an hour ago. I’m furious with him. I need to talk to him, too, but you go and be treated. I know you like him. It’ll do your ego the power of good.’
Gracie shook her head. ‘No. I don’t think I can face it.’
‘Get in the bath, get your glad rags on and just go. It will make you look at life as a bigger picture. You don’t have to stay out late. Just be treated. You deserve it.’
‘So… you and Ali, eh?’ Gracie managed a smile.
‘She’s really nice.’
‘And?’
‘And nothing, dear sister.’ She looked away. ‘I meant to ask you if you’d heard from Ed again.’
‘Yes, he messaged me. He’s staying down in Cornwall for a few more days and said he’d like to talk on his return.’
‘You’ve got a lot of talking to do, girl. Now get ready. You’re on the “A” list this evening.’
‘I can’t. Leo Grant can wait. I mean, look at the state of my eyes. I want to run away somewhere and never come back. Oh, Noms, when is this nightmare going to end?’
‘Ssh, now.’ Noms held her sister to her. ‘I’ll run a bath for you.’
FIFTY-FOUR
Lewis sat in his flat with his head in his hands. His mind was racing. He winced as he saw Gracie’s name flash up on his phone screen, not once, but twice. He couldn’t talk to her yet. What on earth could he say to make her feel better? He had no answers. She would just end up screaming at him. He felt a dark smear of guilt wash over him like sticky tar.
Gracie had always said that when someone loves you even the way they say your name is different. She always said she thought her name was safe in his mouth. But it hadn’t been, had it? He had betrayed her at her lowest and now this was too big a monster for him to comprehend.
The worst thing was there was nothing he could say to her to make it better. He thought back to the night he spent with Annalize: the drink-fuelled night of flirting and lust. He racked his brains; had they used a condom? He couldn’t remember much. If he hadn’t, how bloody foolish was he? Then suddenly he remembered laughing at the red dot on her bedroom ceiling and asking her what it was for. ‘It’s so I never forget to take my pill,’ she had said. He cringed at the memory. Why had he not had some self-control that night?
But pill or no pill, the girl was obviously pregnant. Surely if it was his she would have told him? The worst thing was that he wanted to know. And if the child was his, didn’t he have a right to know?’
But he was caught between a rock and a hard place here. If he were to have a biological child of his own, as much as he felt guilty admitting it, he would be over the moon.
But if he decided to confront Annalize to ask her, then he would have to tell Gracie that he was doing so, because he could never go behind her back again. And then if she was pregnant with his child, well, Gracie would be destroyed, and they could never be together again, anyway. Because just seeing Annalize pregnant had sent her over the edge, let alone knowing if it was his.
