‘I’m seeing Lewis later, to tell him face to face about the loan being paid off. It’s a final goodbye.’
‘You could call and tell him, if that would be easier.’
‘No, I need to see him. I can’t leave it the way we did. It’s definitely over: he’s hurt me too much. But for some reason, I need to say goodbye to him properly.’
‘That’s good, Gracie. It’s good to finalise endings. Leave things hanging and you will never get over them. Like with the twins.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘It will take time to deal with getting over such a terrible loss. You must grieve for them. It was a terrible shock to both your mind and body. It’s something that changes a person.’
‘And you think I don’t know that?’ Gracie bit her lip. ‘Not everyone thinks like that. Lewis thinks I should move on. They’ve gone. I didn’t meet them.’ Gracie’s eyes filled with tears.
‘You shouldn’t dismiss the loss. I can’t imagine the gamut of emotions that you went through and still go through. Just because a life – two lives, in your case – isn’t visible to the rest of the world, doesn’t make it any less significant.’
Gracie had tears running down her cheeks. ‘I said that to Kate but thank you. Thank you so much for reiterating it.’ Her voice went childlike. ‘They were my babies.’
Scott cleared his throat again and handed her the tissue box.
‘You’re doing the right thing by talking to me.’
Gracie nodded, then blew her nose loudly. ‘I’m hoping setting up my own support group will help me, too.’
‘I’m sure it will. Be kind to yourself, though, Gracie. It’s all right being Mother Teresa, but you are important, too. Make sure you put your own life jacket on first, eh.’
Gracie took a sip of water. ‘It’s like letting go of a white heat inside me. It’s hard to explain. Knowing that I will never, ever be able to have a child of my own is a terrifying thought and I can’t change that, not ever. This is my lot. Just me: Gracie Davies.’
‘Gracie Davies looks all right to me, you know. And you will find love again. If you want to. You just need to build up that self-belief again. We are all stronger than we think.’
She sighed. ‘I’d better go. I want to look my best for Lewis, despite everything.’
‘That’s good. Feel confident, say what you’ve got to say, and leave as cleanly as you can with your head high. What happened wasn’t your fault. A dreadful case of circumstances led to him cheating. Emotions were all over the place for both of you.’
‘Are you saying that I should give him another chance?’
‘I’m not saying anything, Gracie. I’m not here to tell you what to do. Although I do apologise that I may have done that last week.’
Gracie stood up and handed over five ten-pound notes. ‘It’s OK. I know you have my best interests at heart. Thanks again.’ She paused. ‘You do help me see things more clearly.’
‘Thank you and, like I’ve said before, that’s my job.’ Scott smiled as he stood up and gently touched Gracie’s arm. ‘Grief is an insurmountable emotion. It sneaks up and bites you when you’re least expecting it. The sooner you get as much of the beast out in the open, the less chance it has to catch you unawares. Think of it as a big lion.’
‘I shall try and roar as much as I can’ – Gracie managed a smile – ‘right at Lewis.’ She laughed. ‘Actually, I meant to tell you something else about Ed.’
Scott checked his watch. ‘That’s fine, we’ve still got five minutes.’ They both sat down again.
Gracie cleared her throat. ‘Well, after the hard-on, leave-me-alone incident, he came into the event hut and gave me the most massive hug. It made me tingle all over. So now I’m totally confused.’
‘Maybe he isn’t right for you at the moment, if he’s confusing you.’
‘We’ll see.’ Gracie stood up. ‘Same time next week?’
‘I’ve left my diary at home so I’ll text you to confirm, but that should be fine.’
Scott Princeton ran his hands through his thinning hair and sat back in his chair. He wanted sex. He wanted Maya. He would block out the fact that she had said she loved him. His phone rang, making him jump.
‘Scott, it’s Cyn. I’ve got a meeting in Manchester tomorrow. I’m on the train now and I’m going to stay overnight. Emma’s staying at Josh’s so there’s no need to worry about her. I was thinking, shall we have dinner together tomorrow for a change?’
‘Yes, let’s. I’ll book the usual. Safe trip, old girl.’
