Professor Princeton put a fresh box of tissues on the table next to the chaise. He knew this was going to be quite a session. The last one had been traumatic enough, after the poor girl had found out that she’d been cheated on.
‘OK, and how was it?’
‘It was sad.’ Gracie kept her eyes closed and sniffed loudly. ‘He bought me daffodils. I love daffodils.’
‘Why do you like daffodils, do you think?’
‘They are just such a bright and happy flower. Make me think of spring, of new beginnings.’
‘Ah, right.’ The professor quietly jotted something down in his patients’ notebook.
‘He is truly sorry. I know that, but…’
‘But what, Gracie?’
‘I don’t know what to do.’ Her voice started to crack. ‘The past few months have been so unsettling, that it’s almost as if being in his company reminds me of the loss. And now that he’s cheated, I don’t think I can bear to look at him, because all I can think of is him sleeping with somebody else.’
‘Maybe relationship counselling would help?’ Scott quietly shut his notebook.
Gracie sighed deeply. ‘I think it’s gone beyond that.’
‘And did you say that to him?’
‘Well… yes, sort of. I said I thought that I needed to clear my head of everything that had happened. Needed some time alone, to grieve, I guess.’ She put her right hand to her forehead and made a groaning noise. ‘It’s hard when you lose little souls that you didn’t even meet. It’s not like you can miss them as people because you never knew them, touched them, smelt them. They were just inside me, little bundles of energy that I knew were there, but weren’t. Sorry, I’m making no sense.’
Scott cleared his throat. He didn’t completely understand what she meant, but thinking back to the love he had felt for his daughter when he had first been handed her in the hospital, he felt sadness wash over him. What a terrible thing Gracie had been through, and she was such a decent human being. It wasn’t fair.
‘Don’t apologise, Gracie. You have a right to feel how you are feeling. You’ve been through a terrible experience. A lesser person would be lying in a darkened room beating their fists, saying, “why me?” You’ve been so strong. But maybe now it is time to let go. To think of you, and just you.’
The professor looked down on her pretty round face and could see it contorting in anguish. He gently placed a tissue in her hand as he knew she wouldn’t open her eyes. Her lips wobbled, she turned to the wall, curled up in the foetal position, and let out an almighty sob.
Gracie stayed like that for five minutes. It wasn’t until she sat up to blow her nose that the professor spoke.
‘Do you feel better for that?’
‘I don’t know. What I do know, though, is that everything I felt for him has gone. For Lewis, I mean. I have no respect for him. I’m glad I told him it was over.’ She sniffed again loudly. Lines of mascara tracked her tears. ‘Oh God, but how can you just stop loving someone like that? Bastard!’ she shouted, then softened. ‘I’m so bloody confused, Professor Princeton.’
‘How did he take it when you said you were leaving?’
‘He said he thought I was being stupid, as he had made a dreadful mistake and now realised just how much he loved me. He thinks we can still work it out.’ Gracie let out a sarcastic laugh.
‘And do you think in time maybe you could? Maybe forgive him. Youweregoing through a bad time in your relationship.’
‘No. He committed the ultimate sin. He crossed the line. And if you love someone you don’t do that. I didn’t even stay for dinner. I walked out on him. There was nothing for me to say.’
‘OK. So on a practical note, what are you going to do about living arrangements?’
‘He’s going to stay in the flat. It’s rented, and he can afford it on his own. I’m going to stay with my sister for a while, until I sort myself out.’ Gracie suddenly stood up. ‘I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I just want to go now. Thank you for listening.’
‘Oh, OK, that was quick and – well, that is my job, listening, I mean.’ Scott smiled a lopsided smile. ‘If you need to book any more sessions do let me know.’
‘I will do, but I’m going to go it alone now, I think. I have to. A new start. No one is going to hurt me ever again.’
‘Don’t close everything off, though, Gracie, including these sessions. Think about it. It’s good to get these feelings out, without judgement.’
‘I’ll see.’ Gracie felt agitated.
‘Your heart is bruised at the moment, but someone will come along and fill it with love again one day, you mark my words. You’re a pretty and intelligent woman. And if I don’t see you again, you deserve the best. Don’t forget that, eh?’
