Nate gave her one of the lopsided smiles that used to make her feel funny inside, but now knowing what she was about to say to him, all she could feel was a growing panic. He took her by the hand and led her to a closed door. He put his right hand over her eyes, and with a loud ‘Ta da,’ pushed open the door with his left and dropped his hand from her face.
‘Oh, Nate, I can’t believe it!’ Vic felt like she might be sick as she took in the easel and a table that he had just placed a pot of paint and a brush on. Light streamed in from two large skylights.
‘A little studio for you,’ Nate announced proudly. ‘If you want to be here, that is,’ he added quietly. ‘I didn’t buy much because I don’t know what you use and stuff…’
‘It’s perfect.’ Vic’s voice cracked. ‘Thank you.’
‘Now I’m in your good books, quick, let me show you where the action takes place… I mean, will take place.’
Vic slowly began following him up the narrow staircase. She stopped on the second step, took the deepest of breaths, then said in a voice that even she didn’t recognise as her own, ‘Nate, stop. I can’t do this. We need to talk.’
They sat across the kitchen table with cups of tea in hand. Nate looked grey. ‘You don’t want to come here, do you?’
Vic said nothing.
‘If I have to, I will move back to London. We’ll make it work.’ Nate held panic in his voice.
Vic shook her head. ‘Nate, I’m so sorry, it’s got nothing to do with moving up here. I don’t want to be with you anymore.’ Her voice began to crack. ‘It is over between us.’
‘I’ve fucked up so many times, I know I have. I’m so sorry, Vic, that I wasn’t there in your hour of need. I keep reliving how bloody selfish I was.’
‘Like I said before, you were scared. I get it. We’ve both made mistakes.’ Vic took a drink of tea. ‘My time apart from you has made me realise I don’t want to be with someone I don’t love enough, either. You were so adamant about that before, yourself.’
Nate nodded. ‘That’s fair, but I had time to think and miss you and I figured even if you were only giving me eighty per cent of you, it would be more than most other women I have ever met. You are an incredible woman, Vic. Your energy is infectious.’
Vic felt tears pricking her eyes. ‘Oh, Nate. I’ve been so unfair to you. Keeping you hanging on, because I was too much of a coward to go out in the big wide world with my diagnosis. And, well, when you said you wanted me back, it was a way out of having to worry about that anymore. A compromise. So Ididn’t have to face the future or have to tell anyone what was wrong with me. I’m so sorry.’
‘So, what’s changed, then?’
‘I’m not scared anymore, Nate. I can do this with HIV, and people will need to love me for who I am.’ The words flew out of her mouth from somewhere without thought, so maybe she did actually mean them.
Nate banged his hand on the pine kitchen table and whispered, ‘Hallelujah. Halle-bloody-lujah.’ Tears began to fall down his face. ‘You are beautiful inside and out, Victoria Sharpe. I have been blue in the face trying to get you to realise this, but until you feel it yourself then you never will feel it. And if getting HIV has led you to this place, then bloody hell. If I never see you again, then that’s OK because, hopefully, now, despite everything, you realise what’s important. Becauseyouare important, Vic.’
Vic was crying now too. She had to be honest. ‘I’m so sorry, Nate, but I’ve met someone else. We haven’t slept together or anything like that, but… I like him.’
Nate put his hand on top of hers. ‘It’s OK.’ Tears were still streaming down his face. ‘With all you’ve been through, I just want you to be happy. Will he look after you?’
Vic shrugged. ‘I haven’t told him about my HIV yet so I don’t even know if he will want a relationship once he knows.’
‘Well, if he needs a reference…’ Nate managed one of his lopsided grins, then got up and splashed cold water from the kitchen tap on his face. ‘Maybe our relationship had run its course anyway.’ He sighed, as he stood leaning against the sink. ‘What is it they say? The seven-year itch? We just had ours a year early. Come here, you.’
Nate held out his hand and pulled Vic up out of her chair. Without resistance, she snuggled into his chest as he held her tightly in the way that she loved.
‘We had a blast at the start.’Nate sniffed.
Vic nodded her head up and down against his chest, then pulled away and sat back down. ‘We had a blast for many years, Nate.’ She sighed deeply. ‘Will you stay here, do you think?’
‘Yes, for the time being.’
‘I can see why. It’s right up your street, with so many outdoor pursuits on your doorstep.’
‘Yes, and now I know that you’re not coming, I’ll make more of an effort to go out.’ Nate smirked. ‘And Sir James does have a pretty hot daughter.’
‘You’re incorrigible.’ Vic managed a smile. ‘Maybe find one who doesn’t mind climbing mountains, this time, eh?’ Her voice lifted.
Nate grinned. ‘How’s the painting going?’
‘I’ve found my calling. I feel so much freer and I really am enjoying it again now.’
