‘Then, no, I don’t want more wine, thank you very much, but how about we walk along the beach towards the train station, to try and get me nearer home at least?’
They linked arms as they walked and talked. ‘It’s certainly warmer than the last time we did this,’ Vic offered.
‘Yes, that wild weather literally signified how we were both feelingthat day.’
‘I know it hasn’t been that long, but you were right about time lessening the blow.’
‘Yes,’ Danny confirmed. ‘And it sounds like you’re coping much better now.’
‘Yeah, now the actual shock is over, I am. And because I’m not taking medication yet, I guess the only life change at the moment is that I go for my regular checks at the hospital. I feel fine in myself.’
‘Yes, me too. I totally get that. So you and Nate are definitely over, then?’
‘Yes. It looks that way. He does text every so often to see how I am, but that’s it. He’s up in the Lakes now, and sounds like he’s living his best life.’
‘Silly question maybe, but do you miss him?’
‘I don’t know if I miss him, or the company of someone, to be honest. What I do miss is being held. I think bear hugs are very underrated. Just that human touch we all need, especially when we’re feeling a bit fragile.’ Vic felt herself unexpectedly well up, and she cast around for a change of subject. ‘I forgot to say, I went to an HIV drop-in centre.’
‘Oh really? How was it?’
‘A woman there implied that everything happens for a reason, but…’ Vic blew out her lips. ‘We can all grab at straws to make us feel better, can’t we?’
Danny took her hand and squeezed it, the approaching darkness and rhythmic noise of the sea washing its way up the beach giving them both space for thought. ‘I’m not into going to those places, to be honest. I don’t really want to talk about it with strangers. That’s why I’m so happy to have you in my life.’
‘Aww, yes, I do hear you. It was nerve-wracking knocking on the door, and then I just met a support worker, who was lovely. No one else had arrived, so I had a chat with her, then left. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to open up to a group of strangers but it felt like a comfortable and safe environment.And I would go again, if I felt the need to. Enough free condoms to make a life raft, too.’
‘So remind me, Vic, who have you told now?’
‘Nate, of course, and my two best friends, Orla and Mandy – although they found out by accident, really – and my boss. And they’ve all been great. But they don’t understand everything – not like you do.’
‘So, not your family?’
‘No.’ Vic sighed. ‘I don’t want to worry them.’
‘And dare I ask if there are any new men on the horizon?’ Danny asked quietly.
‘God, no. I’m not ready for that yet. Maybe not ever, the way I feel at the moment. You?’
‘Well…’
Vic let out a little gasp. ‘Wow, go on.’
‘I have met someone, yes. Philip. He’s great. A session musician, which is pretty cool. So he’s around enough to keep me interested but not so much that he gets under my feet. I felt comfortable enough with him to be honest from the start and he seems to really like me for me. He is fully aware of the situation, so we are getting to know each other and having fun.’
‘Aww, that’s amazing – and no wonder you’ve been busy!’
‘I willalwayshave time for you, though, Vic, and it is early days but I feel good and, to be honest, I can’t believe how easy it was to tell him.’
‘I do think telling a hetero man will be so different to telling a gay or bi man. It’s kind of… just different, I think. HIV has been around in your world for so much longer – or maybe it’s just me and my own lack of exposure and awareness to it, I guess.’
‘I think you’re overthinking it, Vic. Of course it’s going to be hard and frightening to tell anyone but if that someone is decent and emotionally aware, they will be straight with you. My advice would be, a couple of dates in, if you like them, thenthrow it out there. It’s their loss if they can’t see what kind of amazing person is in front of them.’
‘You make it all sound so damn easy, Danny Miller.’ Vic sighed deeply. ‘I feeldirty. And I know I shouldn’t, but that is how I feel. And what if they’re really horrible to me? I don’t know how I’d cope.’
‘You, my lovely girl, are not dirty. In fact, you are possibly one of the most fragrant women I’ve ever slept with. Saying that, I’ve only slept with you and one other.’
They both laughed. Then Danny stopped walking. Small waves crashed against the shoreline, the moon now highlighing its twinkly path across the infinite ocean. ‘Come here, you.’ The handsome blond pulled Vic towards him and, wrapping his toned arms around her, held her closely to his chest. ‘Is that tight enough, madam?’
