‘You know I’m joking with you. You’re such an asset to this company, Victoria, but I also class you as a friend. And I’m glad you can be this open with me.’
This was it: the time felt suddenly right. She didn’t know how, or why. It just was.
‘Ray.’ She blew out a noisy exaggerated breath and began to babble. ‘I have something else to tell you, and I totally understand that it may change the way you view me, but I feel it’s only fair that I tell you, as we work so closely together, and I may need to take a bit more time out for appointments, et cetera.’
Ray looked at her flat tummy. ‘Vic, if you’re pregnant, I’m not that much of an ogre, really. I mean, Penny’s got two and she’s still here.’ Then his brow furrowed. ‘No wonder you’re upset with Nate going off.’
Vic shook her head. ‘Not pregnant, sadly.’
‘Oh my God, you’re ill, aren’t you?’ His voice wobbled slightly.
Vic inhaled deeply. It was now or never. ‘I’m HIV-positive, Ray.’ She looked up at the ceiling and sighed. ‘I’ve got HIV.’
Ray looked her right in the eye. ‘OK. That’s OK. How long have you known?’ His voice remained level.
‘The week before Christmas. I just couldn’t face coming in.’
‘Of course you couldn’t. And Nate?’
‘He’s tested negative.’
‘OK.’ Ray nodded slowly. ‘So, what happened with you?’
‘I had a one-night stand in Brighton. We used a condom, but it split. What are the chances, eh? That’ll teach me for me being unfaithful.’
‘You poor girl. And Nate can’t deal with it, I guess?’
‘No. He’s scared and angry. And rightly not wanting to be with me because if I were to be with him, it would be fear-based on my side and I think he knows that now.’
‘So tough, Vic. So tough. I’m sorry.’ Ray lifted his bin for Vic to put her pile of tear-sodden tissues in and sat back at his desk.
‘You can’t catch it from mucus or saliva,’ Vic said weakly.
‘I know that,’ Ray replied wisely. ‘I have a friend; he’s positive too. He’s been on the drug therapy for a year now and is living a normal life. It’s never such a shock for us gay boys. We’ve lived with it around us for a long time.’ He reached to squeeze her hand.
Vic felt her sadness lift, just a little. ‘I guess not. I’m just learning about it all. Your friend feels OK on the drugs, then?’
‘There were side-effects when he started, I believe, but he has a great doctor who seems to be on top of everything for him. It really isn’t the death sentence it used to be, Victoria.’
‘The clinic told me that 2005 had seen a large increase in the diagnosis of heterosexual men and women, so at least I’ll make it to the Office of National Statistics, if nothing else.’
‘Yes. Trust you to have made the grade.’ Ray smiled sadly. ‘Have you told anybody other than Nate?’
‘Danny – he’s the guy I slept with in Brighton – knows, of course, but none of my family or friends yet.’
‘I take it this Danny didn’t know he had it?’
‘God, no. He’s a decent bloke. He’s absolutely mortified. In fact, he suggested we be together to make our lives easier, but that wouldn’t work, either. He will be a great mate. I know that for sure.’
‘And you’re going need a few of those.’ Ray put his hand on top of hers and squeezed it.
‘That’s what the guy at Terrence Higgins said to me.’ Vic felt tears stinging her eyes. ‘It’s a whole different world I know nothing about.’
‘And a world where research and improvements in medicine are happening all the time, and seemingly very fast,’ Ray said gently.
‘Thank you, Ray, for being so realistic about it all.’
‘I feel very privileged you’ve told me,’ Ray said quietly, standing up and leaning against his filing cabinet. ‘You’re an incredible artist and designer, Vic, you really are, and I will do anything I can to support you.’
