Sabrina took a gulp of tea and sighed.
‘You’re so matter of fact.’
‘I like to call that being romantic, myself.’ Conor yawned. ‘Do you want children?’
Sabrina checked her watch and laughed. ‘Ah, you’ve got ten minutes before work then.’
Conor grinned. ‘You can mock but it would be the best ten minutes you’ve ever had, I’m telling ya now.’
They both laughed until Conor’s voice was serious.
‘Joking aside,doyou want kids?’
‘No. I think seeing the mental suffering of my mother and the complex relationship I had with her has put me right off.’
‘That’s sad.’ Conor’s bottom lip poked out.
‘It’s reality, plus I’m a bit selfish. I like my own space. I’d resigned myself to having no kids with Dom and I was happy with my decision. Anyway, back to you, please. Did you leave Hartmouth because of what happened with Star?’
‘No, I think I told you that the main reason was because Maeve wanted Niall closer when he visited me. But it did help me getting over Star by being completely away from her.’
‘And how about you. Are you done with having any more kids?’
‘I never say never about anything.’ Conor took a deep breath. ‘I take it your ex is wanting you back?’
Oh, God, Sabrina thought, feeling that she wasn’t ready for this conversation right now, this early. She nodded.
‘Are you thinking about it?’ Conor’s voice wobbled very slightly. Sabrina remained silent. ‘I mean, don’t worry.’ Conor did a fake punch to his forehead. ‘I’m used to playing second fiddle down here, clearly.’ He managed a smile.
Sabrina pulled herself together. ‘I’m surprised anyone wants me. I mean, look at me this morning. Hair like a cock’s comb.’ She put her tongue to the side of her lip. ‘And yum, appears to be a bit of dried dribble this side.’
‘Just how I like my women. Hair all over the place and a mouth full of dribble. Delicious.’
Sabrina shook her head in mock horror. ‘’Ew! I can’t believe you said that!’
Conor grabbed her knee over the covers causing her to squeal and nearly throw her tea over them both.
‘It looks like we both turn into jokers when we don’t know how to deal with something, doesn’t it?’ Conor got up, went to the door and turned back. ‘Just give me some warning if you are going to leave, eh, Dickens.’ He paused. ‘I’ll need to get someone else in to pay the rent.’
With Conor’s comments reverberating around her ears. Sabrina put her mug on the bedside table, sat up and pulled her duvet back up to her chin. The wind was howling around the apartment block now, causing torrents of rain to smash against the windows and balcony door.
She let out a massive sigh and tried to place herself back in London, mentally. In Dom’s luxury flat with all the mod cons. With it’s Raindance shower, where the water was supposed to mimic an outdoor spring and the huge bathtub with lights inside that doubled as a jacuzzi. The all singing all dancing coffee machine. The cinema room that Dom had created in one of the bedrooms. She looked around her basic room and despite the turmoil within her, felt suddenly peaceful. For it didn’t matter how comfy the bed was or how plush the curtains. How big the diamond or how credible the designer, what mattered were the people in her life and since being down here, she had met people who shone brighter than anyone she had ever met before and had clothed her in both love and honesty.
So, why couldn’t she just tell Dom it was over? What was she hanging on to? Love had so much to answer for. Because she was trying so hard to fathom that if you did really love someone, could you not like them at the same time?
She took a deep breath and went to her Instagram account for the first time since coming down here. Underneath her last post, where she had stated that she was taking time away for personal reasons were a variety of comments, seventy per cent were lovely supportive messages but around thirty per cent were vile. She began to read though them.Who the fuck does she think she is? So rich, so beautiful and she has to run away/You poor deluded woman/Grow some balls, you thick bitch. You can’t even act anyway/ If I looked like a stick insect, I’d fuck off too/Call yourself an actress, it’s no shock you never made it to Hollywood/ No wonder he left you, you ugly whore.
Without a second thought, Sabrina deleted her profile. Had these keyboard warriors won by her doing this? No, she decided– and even if they felt they had, give them that little victory, for she didn’t care. They were the sad ones. In fact, she wondered what on earth had happened in their lives to have made them become so bitter and twisted. They clearly needed mental help. And for her to keep hold of her own sanity, she didn’t need affirmations. She needed to hold tight to herself and make space and time for some of the biggest decisions of her life.
Pulling on a t-shirt, she went through to the lounge and flung the outside doors open wide. Then, standing if she was the glorious Kate Winslet at the end of the Titanic, with arms outstretched and the wind and rain whipping around her whole body, she shouted at the top of her voice, ‘I’m flying.’
She checked her phone when she got back inside.What the feck are you doing up there?Conor messaged with a googly eyed emoji.
I was flying,she replied with a grinning face.
Flying? Well, you better get yourself dressed, as Lowen Kellow could be dying!
Sabrina immediately called Conor. ‘What the fuck?’
