Chapter49
A few days later, a sleepy Star pulled on her dressing gown and made her way through to the kitchen to make herself a cup of green tea. She had hardly slept, mainly due to the fact that her mind was troubled by worries for her mother, but also because her little baby had most certainly come to life now and was kicking her when she awoke at five and continued to do so until her alarm went off at six thirty. It had been a bit of a waste of time, her and Skye going to see Estelle at the hospital as she had slept during the whole visit. She looked so peaceful they didn’t want to wake her. And that was the thing – she really did look peaceful, not so ravaged by the demon drink or the drugs that were normally swilling around her system.
Pearl had popped down quickly from A&E to see them, informing them that the burns on Estelle’s arms were apparently healing beautifully. She promised that she would talk to the team on their behalf and ensure that a district nurse would visit Estelle at home when the dressings were due to be changed, so that Estelle didn’t have to fret about getting herself down to the doctor’s surgery whilst she was still fragile and recovering. Pearl had also taken Star aside and privately let her know that Estelle had agreed to speak to somebody from the drug and alcohol support unit. Hearing this, alongside all the pregnancy hormones that were flyingabout inside her, had caused Star to burst into tears. Skye had to go and sit with her granny until her mother had calmed down.
As Star was pouring boiling water on to her teabag, she noticed the forgotten post that Skye had propped behind the toaster. She pulled out the envelope with the solicitor’s stamp on it, and as she read the letter inside, her heart started beating fast. It contained the instruction that she was to go to Bright & Company Solicitors today at1p.m. ‘Today! Shit.’ Star put her hand to her forehead. She was to meet a Cedric Bright, Senior Partner, who would explain everything on her arrival.
A solicitor? What did that mean? What had she done wrong? Maybe it was to do with the lease on the shop unit, but Star was sure that had all been sorted correctly and she had definitely not missed any payments. She double-checked the date on her calendar. Good job she had opened the letter when she did. At least the meeting was at lunchtime so she wouldn’t miss too much Christmas trade. In fact, she would just ask Skye to pop between shops. Making a little groaning noise, she took her tea through to the bedroom and turned on the shower.
‘Steren Lilian Bligh?’ asked a voice with a Scottish accent. A tall man with a pinched face, tiny little spectacles and neat grey hair, which was leaving specks of dandruff on the collar of his worn navy suit, greeted Star in the reception of Bright & Company Solicitors. Star nodded. Having found it hard to locate the offices and then a place to park had left herfeeling a little sweaty and decidedly anxious. She followed the solicitor into his wood-panelled office where he sat at an antique mahogany desk with a green leather top.
‘Could I trouble you for a glass of water, please?’ she asked. ‘I found it hard to park and—’
‘Olivia,’ Cedric Bright shouted through to the receptionist who had greeted her. ‘Two waters, please.’ Star smiled weakly; the man didn’t smile back. He would have been far more suited to be an undertaker, she thought. Glad that she would soon have some water to wash down her anxiety and refresh her dry mouth, with her coat still on she sat back in the swivel chair and took the same calming deep breaths that her auntie had once taught her as a child, when she had got in a state about Estelle’s wrongdoings.
‘Steren Lilian Bligh,’ the man repeated. ‘Do you have some ID with you?’
She was so glad she had seen the footnote on the letter. ‘Yes, my driving licence.’ She scrabbled in her bag for her purse.
‘Perfect.’ The man studied it closely then handed it back to her, peering over the top of his glasses as he did so, advising her, ‘Don’t worry, you have done nothing wrong.’
Star put her hands around her baby bump and breathed out with relief.
‘And with a new family member on his or her way, I see. Congratulations.’
‘Um, thank you. So why am I here?’
The man raised his hand, and Star caught a whiff of his stale aftershave. ‘Wait and I shall tell you, Ms Bligh.’ He tapped a cardboard folder on his desk. Star was now completely perplexed. When he started to talk again, she thought she might well faint.
‘I am dealing with the Last Will and Testament of a Reverend Matthew Nesbitt of The Rectory, Church Road, Penrigan, who sadly passed away this month at the untimely age of sixty-one. Our instruction was that a representative from our company, namely myself, would in the light of his death meet you and personally hand over two letters from this file, the contents of which are strictly private and confidential. I will leave you to read them for a wee while and if anything does require any further action from ourselves, then please do let me know.’
‘A reverend? Th-thank you,’ Star stuttered and, with a shaking hand, opened one of the letters, which was so beautifully handwritten it looked as if it had been crafted by a calligrapher. The other envelope was intriguingly labelledOpen me when instructed to.
Dear Steren,
You are reading this because I am dead. You are also reading this because you are my daughter.(Star took a sharp intake of breath.)I am not sugar-coating anything to you here because, as I never heard from you, I believe that Estelle must have kept her word to me that she would never tell a soul, even you, of our indiscretion.
I am not proud of the fact that I never met you. I am not proud of the fact that I had an affair with your mother. But I wanted you to know that I did love Estelle. However, God had called me, and I loved Him more. I am a priest: that was my vocation. The life I chose. In an ideal world, a man of the cloth would be decent and upstanding, but we all have our shortcomings, for that is what makes us human. Sadly, I failed my faith twice, but I will come to that later.
I always kept a distant eye on you and tried to helpEstelle in ways she would not have known about. I would never have seen her destitute. Yes, I was a weak man, and I chose my spiritual calling over being a father to you. My selfish sexual desires conquered my vow of chastity for a brief interlude when I was in my twenties. Oh, how I loved a wild woman, and your mother was just that. Blonde and exuberant. A little way out and so damn beautiful, she took my breath away.
I met her in the church.(Star’s eyes widened. Her mother in a church!)She had lost her way. Her parents, your grandmother and grandfather, had died a few years previously, but she had never got over losing them. She was distraught, frightened, and she felt so alone. I wanted to help her. For years, I would meet her and we would talk for hours into the night. I would hold her hand whilst she cried, whilst she told me about the wonderful memories she had of them both. I felt her pain.(Star put her hand to her heart as the words in front of her eyes continued to flow.)She became my friend, but the problem was she became more than my friend.One night, I met her under Penrigan Pier and we made love. And itwasmaking love, Steren. It only happened once. Itcouldonly happen once, for I loved her. Had it gone any further, I would have had to leave my calling and spend my life with her. She told me that she was using protection, and at the time I believed her. But now I think she hoped that we would make a child. And that is how you came about.
Shock, the absurdity of it all, made Star start laughing hysterically. Her mother had shagged a priest! But this fake mirth soon turned to grief. Maybe if she had known, she could have gone to church, seen her father in action, got afeel for the man who was half of herself. Poor Estelle. She had been so vulnerable, and it was the Reverend Matthew Nesbitt who had taken advantage; who couldn’t keep his rosary beads under his cassock. What a bizarre and tragic situation. All credit to her mum for being loyal to her promise and never jeopardising his position. Also, how very sad that such a beautiful-sounding friendship had to end by them falling in love.
It gave Star joy to learn that she been born of parents who loved each other so deeply, and that Estelle had really wanted to create a child with this man who meant so much to her. She carried on reading.
I am writing this on my deathbed as cancer is taking me to my resting place. I’m leaving a lot sooner than I thought but God only takes us when we are ready. So,I must be prepared when the time comes. Steren, my child,I regret that I have no money to leave you or your mother. It is all with the church, but if I can give you just one thing before I go, it is the knowledge that the most valuable thing you can make is a mistake, because you can’t learn anything by being perfect. We all make them, Star, so don’t let that be a reason to give up on somebody.
And now, thanks to the magic of a camera with a timer, you may open the second envelope. Please tell your mother that in all the years since we were together, these have never left my side.
Star did as she was told. Inside the second envelope were two almost identical photographs of a young man with neat fair hair, wearing jeans and a checked shirt. He was sitting on the beach close to where the pier meets thesea at low tide in Hartmouth, and laughing, as was the beautiful blonde woman whose head was poking up behind his, her arms loosely draped over his shoulders. What a handsome man Matthew Nesbitt had been, Star thought, and she had never seen her mother look so happy. Turning one of the photographs over, Star gasped. On the back was written:
Dearest Steren,Love comes unseen; we only see it go.
Your father x
She scrabbled to look at the back of the other one.
Estelle, you let go of me with love, the ultimate sacrifice. I never stopped loving you but it’s time to say goodbye now and for you to be the person I know you can be. Matthew x
‘Wow,’ Star said to herself, immediately turning back to the letter.
Star, if my abandonment has caused you to suffer in any way, please forgive me and may God bless you.
Star let out a huge breath. She felt so many different emotions: she felt numb, she felt angry, angry at this man for being so duplicitous. But she also felt elated too, and also somewhat amused that she was a priest’s daughter. She took a large glug of water in anticipation of what else there was to come.
There is just one last thing I need to tell you. It will come as a surprise, I hope a welcome one. I said I had failed my faith twice. And again, I ask myself: was it really a failure? Because the thing I really want you to know is that you have a half-sister, and her name is Kerensa Anne Moon.
