‘Are you going to be this sensitive all the time now you’ve admitted you’re a big wuss?’
Darren managed a smile. ‘You’re not allowed to say things like that.’
‘I can say what I bloody want to you. You scared the shitout of me! When I heard the Samaritans at the end of the phone, I thought you had tried to top yourself.’
‘Mate, they’ve been amazing.’ Darren groaned and took a drink of water. The smell of sick was making him feel queasy again. ‘I have rung them a couple of times. Just to talk to someone, you know. No judgement, no fear. Even in the middle of the night, a calm voice is at the end of that phone.’ Saying this made tears run down his face.
‘What did you expect me to do though, really? I love you, Daz. Love is love. You’re attracted to men, so what? That doesn’t change our relationship, not one bit. You’re still my brother.’ He hugged Darren.
‘What about Mum and Dad?’ Daz asked fearfully. ‘Us having grandchildren is all Mum goes on about on the stall.’
‘Me and Kara have got that covered, and if you meet someone and want a family, well, you can do that too. The options are there. Actually, Conor was telling me the other day that one of his best mates in London is a single social worker, and he’s just adopted a little boy. Times have changed, mate.’
‘I know Mum will handle it, but Dad won’t be able to cope.’
‘He might surprise you. Weren’t the Kray twins gay or one was bisexual – and he’s obsessed with their story. And anyway, it’s your long-term happiness here that’s important. It’s your life, Daz. And what other people think of you is of no consequence. People who love you will always be there for you, whatever you say or do.’
‘Will you come with me when I tell them?’
‘If you want me there.’
Darren gulped down the rest of the glass of water in one. A huge rumble of thunder felt like it shook the bedroom.
‘Bloody hell.’ Darren laid his head back on the pillow. ‘I didn’t realise the weather was so bad.’ He was feeling dreadful. The room swam and his head ached.
‘You didn’t realise what your name was earlier, so it’s good to see you a bit more like yourself.’ Billy smiled. ‘You’ll soon be feeling better. Will you go back to London or stay here, do you think?’
‘We don’t all run around dancing on Gay Pride floats and drinking in Soho, you know.’ It was Darren’s turn to smile weakly. ‘In fact, us gays are really quite prevalent in the south-west, according to my dating app.’
‘That was a stupid comment.’ Billy sighed. ‘Sorry, bro.’
‘It’s fine and I’m not going anywhere. Not yet. It’s family, innit.’ They both laughed. ‘And now the only place I am definitely going to is sleep. I feel so rough.’
‘Do you want me to stay?’
‘Nah. Get back to Moony – and thanks.’
‘For what?’
‘For being such a fucking cool brother.’
‘I won’t say a word, not even to the missus.’
‘No, I want you to tell her. I want her to know, but please don’t say anything until I’ve told the old man and woman.’
‘OK, but you do the talking when you’re ready to anyone else, not that it’s anybody’s business really. But in future, bro, don’t suffer in silence. I’m not going anywhere. Well, unless you start supporting Tottenham, that is.’
‘You dick.’ Darren grinned sleepily. ‘I’m sorry I scared you. I was frightened of losing everyone, you see. Especially you. But I need to do this. I need to be me.’
‘Yes, you do. Never forget we are twins, Daz. One for all and all for one and all that. After all, we lived together for nine months before anyone else even met us.’
‘I bet we even caused chaos in the womb, poor old Muv.’ Darren laughed, swung his legs out of bed, felt very dizzy, then somehow managed to right himself and groaned, ‘I so need a piss.’ Billy quickly moved the bowl of sick in time for Daz to stagger off to the bathroom.
Kara had replied to his coming home message with a pizza emoji and a big kiss. He shouted out: ‘Don’t worry about work in the morning. Get yourself together and tidy this shithole up.’
‘Just pass me my feather duster,’ Darren shouted camply back, then appeared in the lounge to see Billy putting on his coat. He hugged him and said in his normal voice: ‘You’re my fucking hero, Billy Dillon, do you know that?’
Billy felt a warmth go right through him. ‘Jesus, you’ll be singing Mariah Carey to me next. Now fuck off back to bed.’
