Chapter13
Star felt pained as she drove past the familiar Hartmouth Head residential park sign and up the hill towards her mother’s place. Skye had admitted straight away that Granny Bligh had given her the joint but promised her that Estelle had never given her one before. The girl had been intending to smoke it with her friends at the weekend and only noticed it was missing from her pocket when she awoke that morning. She was horrified when she realised that the incriminating article could well be lying around in her mum’s car.
To the girl’s surprise, Star handed over the offending ‘herbal’ cigarette to her, saying that if Skye was going to do something like this, she would rather know about it. She then warned her daughter to be careful as it was more likely to be the tobacco she would get addicted to. Smoking was the easiest thing to start, but the most difficult thing to give up. Star had learned this first-hand from her own teenage experience of smoking and working in a newsagent where the glossy packets had tempted her all day long with their promises of sophistication. It was different now that the dull-looking, rebranded packets came with such stark health warnings.
Star’s logic for the way she was handling this incident was that if somebody was hell-bent on doing something, they would find a way to do it anyway. Her honest form ofparenting had always worked with her daughter in the past. Growing up so close in age, it had felt hard to create a boundary between friend and mother, but Star hoped she had just about managed it. And despite this little hiccup, she did feel that her daughter was a credit to her. She would just have to believe that their love was strong enough that Skye would always want to be part of her life; would never abandon her once she knew how big the world was outside the confines of Hartmouth and its close-knit community.
Star was surprised when she arrived to find her mother sitting in a deckchair on the strip of decking outside her static home. Wrapped around her was a black blanket with white stars on it. Estelle had a glass in one hand, a cigarette in the other. A nearby candle was offering a small flicker of light.
‘What on earth are you doing out here?’ Star asked. ‘It’s bloody freezing.’ She pulled the hood of her coat up over her ears. Waves crashed noisily against the cliffs below. One seagull cawed its lonesome lament. The moon again was covered in cloud, the sky black. The bass beat of reggae music could be heard thumping out from the next door neighbour’s home.
‘No woman, no cry,’ Estelle Bligh sang out woefully. ‘No woman, no cry.’ Her head was lolled to the side. She had a small bruise and cut on her left cheek.
‘Let’s get you inside, shall we,’ Star said. On the rare occasions she did visit now, finding her mother drunk or stoned had become the new norm.
‘He’s got no woman now. Bastard! He’s left me, Star. Harley – he’s gone and pissed off. We had a fight. Said he’d always wanted to go to Thailand. Did he invite me? Did he fuck.’ Estelle took a slug of her neat brandy. ‘So he’s goingto live in a hut on a beach where he can,’ her voice rose to a screech, ‘find himself.Oh, what a cliché. Oh, what a total plonker!’
Star took the glass from her mother’s hand and stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray on the decking steps. She then manoeuvred Estelle inside, where it felt just as cold as out on the steps.
‘Mum, I can’t believe you haven’t sorted out the timers on these heaters yet.’
‘Stop moaning at me. Look, there’s an electric fire there for now. Pop that on.’
‘It looks ancient – are you sure it’s safe?’
Estelle Bligh huffed. ‘Stop worrying, Steren, I got it off eBay and it works lovely.’ She plonked herself down on the sofa. Star sat down next to her. Taking in the warmth from the electric fire and the familiarity of the caravan she had spent so many years living in, the younger woman suddenly felt a weird sense of peace.
‘I took Auntie Flo fish and chips last week,’ she told her mother.
‘Huh. Just because she’s a God-botherer doesn’t mean you’ll go to heaven, you know. And haven’t you enough to do without driving over to Penrigan to see that old bag?’ Estelle coughed loudly without putting her hand to her mouth. ‘No wonder I never see you.’
‘You know she’s not an old bag,’ Star replied calmly. ‘She’s digging out some photos of Grandmama to show me. Of her when she was the same age as I am now.’
Estelle sat upright. ‘What about me? I don’t even have any photos of my mother at that age.’ Her voice was almost childlike. ‘Will you get one for me, if that’s all right with Florence?’ She swallowed. ‘Mummy would have beeneighty-three tomorrow, you know. And she would have loved you.’ A lone tear began to run down her face. ‘I never forget her birthday. Forty-five was no age for her to go. For them both to go.’
‘And being left without a mother in your early twenties must have been awful,’ Star added gently, feeling Estelle’s pain in her own heart. Unable to imagine how Skye would ever cope if the same happened to her at such a young age.
‘At least I could stay living here without them mithering me. There’s always a silver lining,’ Estelle wiped the tear away roughly with the back of her hand.
Fetching the blanket from the bench in the kitchen, Star loosely laid it around her mother and back over her own legs, in readiness for the tragic story which was sure to follow.
‘Ironically, I was in Thailand myself then, travelling the world for a year and having the time of my life. I’d worked at the fruit-picking farm and saved like mad, put every penny away.’ Eyes closed, a smile crossed Estelle’s lips. ‘Did I ever tell you this, darling?’
‘Yes, you did, Mum,’ Star replied patiently. ‘Many times.’ She braced herself for the next bit.
‘Six months in I get the news that my father has struck my mother, causing her to fall and knock her head on the kitchen side. Instant and painless her death would have been, so the coroner said. Bullshit! Get me another drink, Steren, please.’ Star ignored her request. ‘At least Mum didn’t have to find Dad hanging in Penrigan Caves, but then if he hadn’t “accidentally killed her” – that’s what he wrote in the note he left for me – both of them most probably would still be alive. Where’s my drink!’ Tears were now running down Estelle’s face again as her mood changed. ‘I don’t know howmuch more I can deal with. Harley wasn’t perfect, but he was good company and I’m not getting any younger.’
‘Oh, Mum.’ Star sighed. ‘How about I make us both a nice hot chocolate and you get into bed.’
Estelle huffed. ‘There’s no milk. Can you make me some toast, please?’ she wheedled. ‘Like you always used to, with peanut butter and jam.’
Resignedly, Star went and did as her mother asked. ‘What are you doing here anyway?’ Estelle added suspiciously as her daughter presented her with her gooey-looking snack. ‘You never visit me unless you want something.’
‘I just wanted to see you, that’s all.’
‘Liar. Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you, Steren Bligh.’ Estelle sprayed toast crumbs as the words came through her, without thought. ‘You hear me?’ the woman slurred.
‘I hear you,’ Star replied, her memory jolting back to the two men her mother had also predicted her meeting not so long ago. ‘Now get that down you and get some sleep. All will seem brighter in the morning.’
