Nolan released my arms, the loss of his support sending me tumbling onto the dirt-covered ground. My hands hit the ground, sharp rocks biting into my palms, but I didn’t care. My body lurched as dry heaves ripped through me, my stomach convulsing from what I had just witnessed—what I had allowed to happen to an innocent man.
Kaius towered over me. “Come on, kitten. Let’s get you back inside.”
I slapped away his extended hand, rage coursing through me as I stared up at the monster I always knew he was. “Fuck you, Kaius.”
“Don’t test me, Acelynn. Not here.” His voice dropped into a low growl, making the pit of my stomach warm with anticipation of what the power he held could do to me.
I hated myself for the way my body responded to the authority in it. For the way Iwantedhim to use that power to punish me. Toprove a point.
I had just aided in the murder of a man I had all but sent to the firing squad, and here I was, falling apart and craving the touch of his killer. Before I could react, his arm hooked around my waist, and I was hoisted up over his shoulder. My fists pounded against his back in anger. Each released another burst of emotion from me until I was screaming, “Put me down.”
Kaius ignored my request and started back into the bar. Eventually, my screams gave way to guttural sobs. My body sagged against him, fingers gripping the soft cotton of his shirt, grounding me to him even though he was the last person I wanted to seek comfort in.
I thought I could bury my feelings when stepping into this role, mask them with the rage I felt for the Knights of Lovelen, but I had always been one to show every emotion on my face. Alec had known this, and it was probably why he had kept me so far from the club. Showing any emotion got you or the things you loved killed in their line of work.
The relentless echo of Oscar’s haunted screams filled my ears, guilt clawing its way back up until I thought I was going to be sick. Regret consumed me with a force that would have me curled into myself if I weren’t being held by Kaius.
The click of a door opening and closing brought me back to reality before Kaius pulled me back over his shoulder and lowered me onto an unfamiliar bed. The mattress dipped under me, sheets too soft for a room so cold. I stared at a chipped panel in the wooden door, willing my mind to disappear into that tiny imperfection. Maybe if I stared long enough, I could escape to some place where none of this had happened. No more painful reminders of my mistakes, no more blood on my hands, no more anything.
“Acelynn.” Kaius’s soft voice was distant, but I couldn’t get myself to respond to him.
Calloused fingertips began to stroke down both sides of my face until they cradled me in their grasp. Bright green eyes met mine, breaking my line of sight to the chipped wood and slamming me back into reality with a raging force with just a look.
I gasped as my heart constricted, pain burning in the center of my chest. It was as if my lungs were going to cave in on themselves. I was a prisoner of my own making to this feeling, and the sick monster toying with my mind relished in my pain. The guilt devoured me, and some sick part of me welcomed it.
Kaius’s grip tightened on my jaw. “You need to breathe.”
But his words were muffled, buried under the roar of blood in my ears. My breath came in shallow, panicked stutters. Then I was leaning into his comfort to bury myself in his chest, letting out a broken moan. Kaius didn’t pull away. Instead, he gathered me into his arms, his hands slipping under my shirt in slow, soothing strokes. I could feel the hot, wet tears gathering in a patch on his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“Shhh,” Kaius whispered gently. “I’ve got you, kitten.”
He pressed a soft string of kisses across my forehead. It was such an intimate moment for two people who had barely spent any time with each other, but it felt so right. The gesture shattered me. I didn’t deserve his compassion when I was still set on a plan to avenge my family and destroy the very people who had shown me nothing but kindness in times when I needed it.
Even my own flesh and blood had never given me this feeling of comfort. They just shipped me off, thinking it better than having to deal with the overly emotional daughter who unintentionally looked down on them for the innocent bloodthey carelessly spilled for power. Now, I was no better than them.
“I don’t deserve this,” I whispered, voice raw and frayed from screaming.
His lips continued their pattern against my forehead. “You’re safe.”
I let out a deep breath at the statement.
“You’re safe,” Kaius repeated. “I promise no one is going to hurt you under my protection.”
“Why are you being so kind to me?” I asked, voice cracking with emotion that had him tightening his arms around me.
“Just focus on taking deep breaths for me, Acelynn.” Kaius smoothed back my hair as he instructed me, “In. One, two, three, four, five. Now out. One, two, three, four, five.”
I obeyed his command, wanting this burning feeling to go away. Kaius smirked against my skin. “Good girl. Do it again.”
After minutes of repeating the motion, my breathing became elongated and relaxed, my body ceasing from shaking in his arms. We didn’t move from our position, though I buried my face deeper into Kaius’s chest, breathing in his scent of freshly washed linens with a hint of the inside of a mechanic shop.
It smelled like a home that I had long since buried in my subconscious. Flashes of greased hands and the slight aroma of two-stroke flashed across my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut, begging the images to retreat. They were too painful to remember right now. Kaius continued the soft paths of his hands on my back, and I focused on each stroke as they tracked down my spine.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured into the silence, not sure if he had even caught my words. Kaius shifted back, smoothing back the pieces of hair from my tear-streaked skin. My heart began to thud against my chest at a rapid pace, stomach swimming with nervous excitement as I stared at the most beautiful man I hadever encountered. Kaius was heartbreakingly beautiful, golden strands falling into his eyes, expression unreadable.
But the little voice in the back of my mind reminded me I was a liar, a fake, a snake hidden in the grass ready to strike when provoked. Kaius Mordred was not looking at me. He was looking at a carefully curated version of me I knew he would fall in love with. The thought had my heart dropping into the pit of my stomach, self-hatred filling in all the cracks in my heart. I tore my gaze away from his.
“I shouldn’t have taken it that far with you, Acelynn.” Kaius’s voice was strained with regret. Shaking my head at him, I wanted to tell him he should have taken it further than a few bruises. He should have injected me with the hemlock syringe and let the sweet hand of death pull me under. I deserved it. His thumb caught a lone tear. “Look at me.”
