Murdock stayed by the door, one hand resting on the latch as if he might bolt at any moment.
“Ye want to ken what happened?” he said finally, his voice rough as gravel. “Ye want to understand why I cannae give ye what ye’re askin' for?”
“Aye,” Leona whispered. “I do.”
He pushed off the door, moving deeper into the room with slow, deliberate steps. But he didn’t come close. Instead, he crossed to the opposite wall, putting distance between them as if proximity might weaken his resolve.
“Me faither killed me maither.”
The words landed like stones in still water, sending ripples of shock through Leona’s chest. She’d suspected tragedy, but this… this was something darker. Something that explained so much about the man before her.
“When?” The question escaped before she could stop it.
“When Ailis was about five years old. She told everyone our mother died protecting her from a monster.” His hands curled into fists at his sides. “She failed to mention that monster was our father. She had tried to push away the memory, I think. She only remembered a few years ago, when me faither revealed his true face to her…Tried to kill her again because she wasnae his own blood. He had tried in the past, when Ailis was little. I didnae understand why a faither would try to drown his own daughter. I did my best to keep her away from him. The wrong way, for sure. Me sister was terrified of me for years. I just knew I had to keep her safe.”
He turned to face her fully, and the pain in his eyes made her throat tighten.
“I think deep down I suspected what he’d done to me maither. I was afraid he’d hurt everyone I loved.”
“Oh, Murdock.” Leona took a step toward him, but he held up a hand.
“Nay. Let me finish. Ye need to hear all of it.” He drew a shuddering breath. “When me daughter came, he was disappointed. When Moira died, he said that this was good. ThatI could take a wife that might be useful enough to give me a son someday.” His laugh was bitter, ugly. “Can ye believe it? That monster raised me. And I knew he wasnae the kindest of men, I’d seen him hurt me sister, and still…When I found out he had killed me maither I…I was angry. So very angry. Nae at him. Nay. At meself. For nae protecting her.”
“Ye were a child,” Leona said fiercely. “How could ye have ken?”
“I should have.” The words came out sharp, laced with self-loathing. “I should have seen somethin', done somethin'. But I was too busy tryin' to survive him. Too focused on becoming strong enough. Stronger than him.”
He moved to the window, staring out at the courtyard below, where servants bustled about, oblivious to the pain being laid bare in this room.
“Me faither wanted me maither in his own way,” Murdock continued, his voice flat now, distant. “It was control and possession and the absolute belief that she existed for his purposes alone. That’s what he believed for women in general. That’s what runs in me blood. That’s…” he trailed off, jaw clenching.
Leona waited, but he didn’t continue.
The silence stretched between them, heavy with unspoken words.
“Murdock,” she said softly. “That’s nae?—”
“I’m nae tellin' ye this to earn yer sympathy,” he cut her off, his tone sharp. “I’m tellin' ye so ye understand why this”—he gestured between them—“cannae happen. Why I cannae give ye what ye’re askin' for.”
“Because ye’re afraid ye’ll become like him.”
“Iamlike him.” The words were brutal, final. “I have his blood, his rage, his capacity for violence. Ye’ve seen it. Ye watched me threaten that lad at the gatherin' for doing nothin' more than dancin' with ye.”
“That’s nae the same.”
“Is it nae?” He turned from the window, his expression hard. “I wanted to hurt him, Leona. Genuinely hurt him for putting his hands on ye. For looking at ye the way he did. That’s nae normal jealousy. That’s possession. That’s exactly what he felt for me maither.”
Leona took a step toward him. “Ye’re twistin' it. Ye’re scared, so ye’re making yer feelin's into somethin' dark when they’re nae.”
“Me feelin's are dangerous.” He held up a hand, stopping her advance. “That’s what I’m trying to tell ye. I cannae give ye the love ye seek because I have nae ever witnessed love. Only obsession and possession, and the kind of marriage thatdestroys. Whatever I feel for ye, it’s too intense. Too consumin'. I’ll end up being just like him.”
“Ye willnae,” Leona said firmly. “Because ye’re afraid of it. He never was. That’s the difference.”
“The difference,” Murdock countered, his voice going cold, “is that I’m smart enough to recognize the pattern before it destroys someone else. Before it destroys ye.” He crossed his arms, a physical barrier between them. “So aye, I’ll marry ye if that’s what it takes to keep ye safe from Ragnall. I’ll stand beside ye before the council, play the part of the devoted husband. But daenae ask me for more than that. Daenae ask me to pretend that these feelin's are anything but a problem that needs to be controlled.”
Leona felt frustration rising in her chest. “Ye’re being deliberately obtuse.”
“I’m being honest.” His eyes met hers, hard and unyielding. “Ye said ye wanted honesty. Well, here it is. I’m nae the man ye think I am. I’m nae some gentle soul waiting to be coaxed out of me shell. I’m the Beast of Ainsley, me faither’s son, and the best I can do is keep that locked down tight so it doesnae hurt anyone else.”
