Murdock looked away, uncomfortable with how clearly she seemed to see him.
“I’m nae gentle,” he said roughly.
“Nay?” Leona’s voice was soft. “Then what do ye call the way ye are with Skye? The patience ye show her? The care?”
“That’s different. She’s me daughter.”
“And what do ye call the way ye’ve treated me? Offerin' protection when ye had every reason to turn me away? Tryin' to keep me safe, even though it brings ye nothin' but trouble?”
Leona’s breathing had quickened. They’d drifted even closer now, close enough that he could feel the current she created as she moved her arms to stay afloat. Close enough to see the pulse fluttering in her throat, the way her lips had parted slightly.
“Murdock,” she whispered.
“Aye?”
“This is… we’re…”
She didn’t finish. Didn’t need to.
The space between them had narrowed to almost nothing, the water warm where their bodies displaced it, their legs occasionally brushing beneath the surface.
His hand found her waist through the wet linen of her shift. She didn’t pull away. Instead, her hand came up to rest against his chest, fingers splaying over his heart.
“Ye could still marry me,” he said, his voice low and rough. “For real, nae just for show.”
The spell broke.
Leona pulled back, putting distance between them with quick, sharp strokes. When she was several feet away, she stopped, her expression stricken.
“I cannae,” she said.
“Why nae?” Frustration bled into his voice. “Ye’d be protected. Safe. Ragnall would have nay claim on ye.”
“Is that all this is?” Her eyes flashed. “Protection? Safety? Ye want me to bind meself to ye for those reasons?”
“They’re good reasons, lass.”
“They’re terrible reasons!” She swam toward the shore, and Murdock followed, the moment of connection shattered like glass. “I willnae marry for safety, Murdock. I willnae be just another responsibility ye take on because it’s the right thing to do.”
They waded out of the water together, the morning air cold against their wet skin. Leona wrapped her arms around herself, shivering, but her chin was lifted in defiance.
“I want what me parents had.”
“Love. Ye’re still wishing for that?”
“Aye, love.” The word hung between them, simple and devastating. “Me maither was the only one who had me faither’s attention in any room, nay matter who else was there. When she spoke, the world stopped for him. That’s what I want. That’s what I deserve.”
Murdock felt something dark and bitter rise in his chest. “Attention isnae always a good thing, lass.”
He thought of his father. Of the way the old man’s attention felt like the weight of a mountain, crushing and inescapable. Ofhow he’d watched Ailis with that cold, calculating gaze before trying to drown her. Of how his mother had withered under the constant scrutiny, becoming smaller and quieter with each passing year, until the bastard had killed her, though Murdock hadn’t discovered the truth until he tried to kill Ailis again two years ago.
Attention could be a cage, a burden, a slow death. Or a real death.
But he didn’t say any of that. Couldn’t find the words to explain how the idea of giving someone that kind of power over him, of letting them become the center of his world, terrified him more than any blade or battle.
Instead, he turned away, reaching for his tunic where he’d left it on the dock.
“Wait,” Leona called. “Where are ye goin'?”
