Evan sighs after a beat of silence. “Shit, Gordy, I’m so,sofuckin’ sorry…”
Movement in my periphery catches my attention, and I can see Brooks fanning his face. A tear manages to slip out anyway, and he chokes back a sob. “Sorry, sorry,” he apologizes quickly. “My heart just hurts so bad for you, Gordy. It all makes sense now. I just—I thought your struggles with intimacy were because of your ex-wife.”
Gordy shakes his head. “I never told you. That’s not on you.”
“Well, I’m proud of you for taking that next step, anyway. For letting someone in.” My brother-in-law offers him a soft smile. “You took my advice after all.”
“That, and Ryann’s,” Gordy says, causing my brows to bunch in confusion.
What advice could she have given him about me? We never met.
Gordy goes on to explain to Brooks and Evan all about his history with Brooks’ sister. About how seeing the tattoo triggered him. He tells them about how she appeared to him in a dream, I guess? I don’t know, something about hearing her talk to him the night he and Tatihad chocolate milk and watched a movie, and her convincing him to let me in or something.Very strange.
Then he tells them both about how he had a dark spell after I moved back to my apartment, and so he checked himself back into that rehab facility. When he got out, he apparently met up with Morgan and gave her a box of old photos, which I also knew nothing about, but that’s the same night she found out about me and Gordy. She saw me leaving his apartment, still high on the fact that Gordy was back and that he was willing to giveusa go.
Evan, at first, doesn’t say anything. He chews on the inside of his cheek, looking like he’s warring with a thousand different emotions right now. And I get it, I do. Gordy and Ev have so much they need to work on, stuff that they’ve never even touched on.
Gordy looks just as emotionally wrung out right now. I continue to knead the muscles in his back while he nervously picks at his cuticles. “Look, Evan, for what it's worth, I valued the hell out of our friendship all those years ago—”
“I should haveknownwhy you freaked out so badly when I tried to hold your hand. God, Gordy, I wish Marlin was still aliveonlyso I could tear him limb-from-limb myself for what he did to you.”
“You couldn’t have known. How would you have? I felt the same damn way about you, when you were telling me you liked me, but you wouldn’t have known that by the way I treated you after. I panicked. I freaked.”
“Rightfully so,” Evan hums. “Fuck, but I was too wrapped up in my own feelings that I never even—”
“Listen, I’m the one to blame here,” Gordy protests. “Iown this, Evan. But, I just don’t want you thinking that anything about Gannett and me is superficial, or just about experimentation or retaliation or whatever. He truly has helped me. I let your son tattoo a damnlighthouse on me as a permanent reminder of what Gannett is to me—my beacon in the storm. Just like Brooks helped heal you, Gannett has done the same for me.I love him. Truly, I do. I don’t think I could live with myself, however, if our relationship caused a rift between you two.”
My brother eyes me, studying me as I continue to keep Gordy grounded with my touch. He watches as Gordy threads his fingers through mine, lifting my knuckles to his lips and kissing them. Evan’s nostrils flare as he puffs out a breath. “And you’re serious about this, Gan? This isn’t just some experimentation phase you’re going through?”
I shake my head. “I’ve never been more invested in a real relationship like this before. I’ve cared about Gordy—hell, evenflirtedwith him—for longer than I’ve even realized. While this is all still new, I feel like we’re not just in somehoneymoon phaseor whatever. I truly believe Gordy is my soulmate. Before him, I was a hollowed-out shell of a man. With him, I have become more. I don’t feel hollow anymore.”
My eyes make contact with Evan’s, and I hope—with everything in me—that he can see the absolute truth in my words.
After I suck in a breath, I continue, “I feel needed. I feel like I have purpose, and that has carried out throughallthe aspects of my life. Things have improved so much since he and I got together. I get more time with my girls, since Sarah has seen what a stable home I provide. I’ve found a decent enough work-life balance. I’m going to the gym; I’m working out to get healthy. I’ve not had a drop of alcohol inmonthsnow, and don’t really crave it anymore either. I want to enjoy the good life with a clear head. I could have done this all without Gordy, sure, but him being in my life fills me with so much joy—fuck, Ev, you know what that’s like now, right?”
“I do,” Evan agrees, nodding. “I do because I have Brooks, along with Tally and Morgs, and honestly? I wouldn’t have ever travelled into the uncharted waters that led me to them if it weren’t for the course you initially plotted for me, Gordy. In fact, if it wasn’t for the shit back in high school, I wouldn’t have had Miranda. There’d be no Colton. I wouldn’t have any of it, and who knows where or who the hell I’d be instead—but I can guarantee you I wouldn’t feel half as fuckin’ happy and fulfilled as I do now. As shitty as it felt at the time, all the dominoes were lined up to fall in the right direction after all, it would seem.”
Brooks cuts in, “And I know you think that interaction you had with Ryann was a hallucination, but, Gordy, it might not have been. Evan had something similar happen with Miranda, years ago. I think—I think perhaps there are guardian angels watching over us.” He turns to Evan. “You remember that, babe?”
My brother nods, so Brooks continues, “I’m not, I don’t know, religious or anything like that, but two occurrences of this happening now seems awfully odd. Too much to be coincidence, really. I really think that powers out of our control are at work here.”
“I think you’re right,” Evan agrees before turning his attention back to Gordy. “I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am, man. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt, but fuck, I’m hard-headed as shit—we both know that. If I was a better person, I would have heard you out before jumping to conclusions. I just assumed you were still avoiding me because you weren’t completely over our rivalry. I promise you, I hold no ill-will towards you anymore. I’m over it, and I’d like to wipe the slate clean between us and start rebuilding our friendship over again. You’re pretty much family, after all. It’s obvious that my nieces are quite fond of you. Gannett’s, I dunno, over there looking like a love-sick puppy dog for you.”
Brooks shakes his head in disbelief, after hearing all that. “Well, honestly, I think it’s worth noting just how astounded I am to hear about all the self-improvement you’ve made, Gannett. That, and helping Gordy move past his fear of emotional intimacy…”
I scoff. “Why? Because I’m not the sharpest crayon in the toolshed? Listen, B, just because I don’t have a PhD in mind-fuckery like you do—”
“Watch your fuckin’ tone when talking to my husband,” Evan growls, jabbing a finger into my sternum and cutting me off.
“Oh, calm down. You look like a puffed up pelican right now…” I huff.
“Oh yeah? Well, at least I don’t look like a knuckleheaded di—”
“Will you both juststop?!” Brooks throws his arms up, separating Evan and I, before turning his attention back to me. “All I meant is thatI’m impressed, not that you were never capable, Gannett. Jeesh, and here I thought we were all about to hug this out and carry on. I’ve neveroncethought you were dumb or called you stupid. In fact, I have half a mind to think that you use humor and feign dim-wit to deflect from having deep, emotional conversations with anyone, which you’re probably ill prepared to deal with because of how you were raised. Let’s not forget I’m married to someone who was also raised in the same house as you. Evan resorts to grumpery; you choose humor.”
Gordy and I both snort, and Evan scowls. “Grumpery?”
“Oh, don’t even,” Brooks tuts. “You’re growly until I soften you up.”
