“Oh, he’s been flying weird for the past week now, and I can’t tell if it’s blood or ketchup remnants on his right wing,” Gordy tells me.
I cross the room and take the last of the bread from him. “Let me see if I can get him. Are you cool with him being inside?”
Gordy rolls his eyes. “He’s gotten used to being let in, since I got sick of him sitting there pecking at your old window.”
I smirk, making note of how he referred to it asmyold window, not Taryn’s old window, despite Taryn living here with him for years. I don’t point it out to him though, because I’ve spurred the bull enough already today.
Would I like to make that my window again? Ayep. Is pissing him off more than I’m surely going to by having this chat going to earn me an invite to come back? Nopers.
Gulligan gets spooked by something and lamely flies off before I get a chance to try to coax him in and see what’s wrong with his wing. Shit, that’s not a good sign. And here’s hoping it’s not a bad omen of what’s about to come either. Gordy spooks easily too.
I slide the patio door shut, and sit on the opposite end of the couch as Gordy. “So what’s the deal with Ev’s tat?” I ask, ripping the Band-Aid clean off. “Why does the flower he got for Brooks’ sister freak you out?”
I can see him gnawing on his inner cheek, before he sighs. “I knew her.”
“Okaaay,” I drawl. “I gathered that much already. But you panicked like you had seen a ghost.”
“I did. She died because of me,” he states matter-of-factly.
I rear back. “Well, you’re not in jail for murder right now, so I’m sensing some plot holes in this story. She died of an overdose, how are you responsible for that? Start at the beginning, here…”
He shifts in his seat. “I took a break from school when Marlin died, because I needed to come back here and settle his affairs. When it was clear no one was going to take this fuckin’ place off my hands, Iended up having to stick around longer than I thought, costing me a potential draft into the MLB. I had a wife and a baby I needed to think of. I couldn’t handle college and trying to sell this place at the same time. When Trista thought I wasn’t making good enough on my promise to go back and keep trying to get into the major leagues, she left.”
“Okay.” I nod, waiting to see where this is going and how Ryann comes into play. Maybe she was a rebound? My gut churns at the thought of it, irrational jealousy rearing its ugly head again. We both have pasts, obviously, so this shouldn’t bother me the way it does, but I can’t help it.
Not that mature enough yet, I guess.
He takes a deep breath in, then puffs it back out. I can tell he’s getting worked up, and it kills me to know that I’m intentionally instigating this, but I fear that if he continually bottles all this shit up, he’s going to explode eventually.
“I got… pretty dark for a while,” he grits out. “There was a point where I just wanted to, you know, end it—or at least numb it, because I’m a c—”
“Going to stop you right there,” I interject, “because if the next word out of your mouth iscoward, I won’t hesitate to jump over this couch and throttle you. Wanting to live doesnotmake you a coward, Gordy, so don’t even think that. Surviving,staying, means you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
Another breath comes out in awhoosh. He continues, “Anyway, as I’m sure you know, Marlin was an alcoholic. I didn’t turn to alcohol, because I, even in those dark days, couldn’t stomach the thought of it. So, I thought of drugs. Because of my baseball career, I’d never used before, so I thought, I don’t know, maybe I’d have a low tolerance. It could be a one shot deal, and I’d be done.”
I yearn to reach for him right now, to hold him in my arms and tell him that I’m sorry he ever felt so low, so broken, that he thought perhaps he needed to end it all. But I know he’d just shut down on me if I did that, so I just sit, rooted in place, while my heart aches for him.
“I went to the sketchy side of town, looking to score some hard shit, and that’s where I met Ryann. She was prostituting at the time, not selling, but, at the very least, I figured she’d be able to point me in the right direction. I paid her to get in the car with me, and I took her to a motel outside of town. We ended up spending an entire month there, since I wanted her and her daughter to have somewhere safe to stay while Ryann withdrew from drugs.”
Oh shit, this is where he gets to the part where they ended up screwing around with one another. Then, a sudden realization hits me, and I gasp. “Oh, fuck! Gordy, are you—Is Morgan—”
He shakes his head. “No, I’m not her father. We never—it wasn’t like that. Ryann had emotional scars, just like I do, so we only ever spent our time there doing—baring our souls to each other. Forming afriendship. I shared with her my past, and she trusted me with hers in return. I kept an eye on her daughter and did my best to aid her through her opioid detox. She wanted out of that life so bad; she wanted it for Morgan. Well, at the time, she called her Marie, but I think it was to safeguard her identity—rightfully so, she was fiercely protective of her. Both of us having young kids at stake, she reminded me why I needed to, you know, to stay alive. It’s what she used for leverage when she convinced me to go get help, instead of turning to drugs.”
“You got help? What kind of help?”
“I went into a nearby residential treatment facility for victims of domestic violence.”
“Domestic violence?” I ask him, my brows puckering. Christ, did Tristaabusehim? She’s such a petite person, I don’t see how she could—
“Marlin,” Gordy snaps, cutting off my mind’s inner workings. My heart damn near drops out of my chest. “Everyone knows Marlin was a drunken asshole, but no one knew the extent of it. He used to beat me and my mother, scream in our faces if we ever fell out of line, and lock me in the basement for days at a time. It was fuckin’ horrible, the way he treated us.”
He takes a deep, trembling breath before continuing, “Mom eventually fled to a women’s shelter here in Ternbay. She tried to take me with her, but I was too focused on just keepinghersafe. I stayed with Marlin so she wouldn’t be a bigger target than necessary, and to keep her hidden longer. Doesn’t matter anyway. He tracked her down somehow, and we moved here. You already know what happened after that.”
“Oh, Gordy…” It’s all I can say as I heave out a heavy breath. I can’t imagine having to endure years of torture at the hands of his own flesh-and-blood, but I’m starting to see now why he did what he did to Evan. He needed to do whatever he could to get away from his father, from the abuse. “What happened to your mother?”
“She’d been ill for a while but hadn’t ever known it, between the abuse and the fact that Marlin had never let her go to the doctor’s. It sounds so fuckin’ horrible to say, but the day she didn’t wake up, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. She’d gone somewhat peacefully, and not at his hands. I mean, how fucking sad is it when you’re actuallyrelievedwhen you find out your mother passed of natural causes so she didn’t have to endure his drunken rages anymore?” He buries his face in his palms, his shoulders shuddering with silent sobbing.
Fuck it. I can’t take that bullshitno touchingrule of his anymore, as my heart splits in two for him. I scooch down to his end of the couch. I’m taken by surprise when he feels me near him, and he reaches for me. I wrap my arms around him, and he crowds me, burying his face in the crook of my neck. I feel his tears soaking into the jersey-cotton of my shirt.
