“Yeah, about that,” he drawls, gripping the back of his neck. “So, um, is it going to make things awkward between you two, if I politely decline a repeat date?”
“Decide you aren’t into men after all?” I reply. “Because, judging by how into that make-out session you were, I’d say you are…”
“Oh, uhh,” he stammers, “yeah, so I um—the kiss itself wasn’t bad. Blackbeard approved, but Micah and me? Yeah, pretty sure I find him visually appealing, just not… romantically appealing. If you catch my drift.”
I nod, struck by the feeling of relief that suddenly washes over me. Maybe Wagner was right, but jealousy has no place here. Gannett isn’t mine to be jealous over. No one will ever be. “You and Micah are both grown adults. Not sure how that would make things awkward between him and I. We’re just gym-buddies, and he and I spar together.”
“So thepummeling asses, that was just figurative?”
“Correct.”
“Right, becauuuse you’re not into dudes?”
I cock a brow at Gannett. “Are you…fishing… right now? Cuz for someone who is off the clock, it sounds an awful lot like you’re fishing. For information.”
He huffs.
“Why do you care? Christ, it wasn’t that long ago you sat in my bar and called me a fuckin’bigotwhen you were drunk off your ass.”
“That wasbeforeme and Gulligan saw your search history on your smart TV! Christ, he and I both came to the same conclusion: for a straight guy, you seem to watch a lot ofgay porn!”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, for fuck’s sake! Why thehelldid you go through my history!”
“It just popped up!” he exclaims, gesturing at the TV. “All I did was put in the letter ‘g’ and you would notbelievewhat showed up on the drop down.” Then, he smirks. “Some hot-as-fuck stuff, lemme tell you what.”
“So, let me get this right… you. Sat here. With a seagull. And actuallywatchedthe porn?”
Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck…Why did I ever let him stay here?!
“Not for very long,” Gannett balks. “I have no idea how old Gulligan is, but I doubt he's old enough to watch something that X-rated. Idoknow it was long enough for me to get hard, though. Pretty sure between that and the kiss tonight, I’m definitely as straight as a rubber arrow. I’ll for sure be doing a deeper-dive at some point, without you and my baby bird around, of course.”
“Jesus Christ, Gannett,” I grumble, tossing my clean-up efforts aside. “I can’t fuckin’ do this with you right now. Do you evenrealizewhat a huge invasion of privacy that is?”
“Did you miss the part where I saidwithoutyou guys?”
“The fuck-ingporn, you jackass!” I shout, stomping into my bedroom. Before I can slam the door in his face, he pushes in behind me.
“I’m failing to see what the problem is here! Why the hell did you just let me believe you were a homophobic prick, when you clearly enjoy the dick?!” He catches himself, laughing. “Heh, that rhymed!”
“Get. Out!” I practically roar through gritted teeth.
He roots himself in place, legs spread wide, rippling arms crossed over his bare chest. “Not without an explanation. I find it incredibly ironic that I made this little discovery, all while having the background knowledge of how you hurt my brother. I’mgivingyou your chance to tell your side of the story.”
Panic surges in me again, prickling at the edges of my vision, creating a constricted feeling in my chest—like struggling for air while being held underwater. I was able to hint around to Wagner earlier without totally freaking out. So, why thehellcan’t I now? I take a practiced calming breath, and decide its best if I try to explain… maybe just a little. The stubborn asshole clearly isn’t going anywhere unless I give himsomething.
“I only used Evan’s secret against him to get away from here, Gannett. I don’t expect you to understand, but I blackmailed him toconvince him to stop playing baseball, since we were both gunning for the same scholarship. I needed it to get away, but he’d have probably gotten it, if it weren’t for me ruining his fuckin’ life, okay? I’m as big of an asshole as everyone says I am, I know. A hypocrite too, apparently.”
His hard posture relaxes as he makes a move to sit next to me on my bed. He keeps his distance, however—probably since I’m on the verge of having a full-on panic attack, right here in front of him. “So, him being gay wasn’t the issue?” he asks softly.
I shake my head before bowing it. I have fucked up a lot in my life, and cutting someone down for their sexuality is one of the top things that eats away at me the most. I wouldn’t tolerate Taryn doing it to Colton and his boyfriend, Petro, back in their day, and I sure as hell am not going to be dishonest with Gannett right now either.
“It wasn’t the issue, because I’mbi,” I admit. “I just prayed on the fact that he was insecure about his own sexuality, and I only knew that because I lashed out at him once back at Explorer Camp, right before moving to Ternbay. I was just using the information I had in my arsenal.”
I’m a fucking monster, I know. I don’t even dare to look up at him to gauge his reaction, because I know what I’ll find is hurt and disappointment. All of which, if I were a fucking braver man, I’d be able to face so that I could take my due punishment. But in this moment? I’m not brave at all. I’m a fucking coward. A spineless, soulless piece of shit.
A surge of self-loathing pulses through me, adding to the feeling of impending doom.
“But why? Why did you need to get away from here?” Gannett asks, snapping the last tether I have binding up all the negative energy coursing through my veins, threatening to come out in the form ofphysical violence, reminding me that Marlin and I aren’t cut from different cloths at our very core.
