“Em said you took off with Ash last night at the party, and she hasn’t heard from you since.”
I look down into my mug, the tan liquid rippling as I adjust my legs on the couch. I definitely should have texted Emory that I was leaving to take Ashton home, but she would have had so many questions. And then I got distracted. When I got home last night, the first thing I did was find my stash of xannies and flush them. I haven’t needed them in weeks anyway. Then I crashed without even taking my makeup off, all of the emotional exhaustion of the day finally hitting me.
“Allie?” Nate prompts again.
“We’re hooking up,” I admit. “Or we were. I don’t know now. We sort of had a fight.”
Nate immediately stands, balling his fists like he’s about to kick someone’s ass.
“Calm down, caveman. It was nothing.”
“Did he hurt you?” His voice is calm but demanding.
“No.” I mean, he did, but it’s complicated, and I doubt Nate would understand. We’ve both hurt each other.
“I’ve already warned him what would happen if he hurt you.”
I narrow my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Nate, I can take care of?—”
“Yourself,” he finishes for me. “I know.”
“Then stop threatening people.” I grab a throw blanket from the side of the couch and drape it over myself. “Emory was right. You need a woman.”
“I get plenty of women,” he scoffs.
“No, I mean like a girlfriend. Someone to…focus your attention on, so it’s not always on us.”
Nate’s eyes soften. There’s no longer irritation there. It almost looks like sadness now. Nate had a girlfriend in college, but he never talks about her. He kept her hidden from his family when they were dating. Emory never even met her. Then one day, Nate came home even more hardened than usual. He never talked about what happened, and we never asked.
“Do you still think about her?” The sound of my voice breaks through the silence. Nate’s head snaps up, his eyes stormy. I think he’s going to lie to me or ignore my question altogether, but instead, he dips his head.
“Yes.”
That’s the first time we’ve ever openly spoken about the fact that there was aher.
I nod, shuffling my feet in the blanket. Nate’s chest rises and falls. His breathing is calm and even, but his expression is anything but.
“My dad left us when I was a baby,” I blurt out. Nate looks slightly confused by the subject change, but he doesn’t say anything.
“I guess that explains my trust issues.” I let out a humorless laugh. “Then my mom had a string of pretty fucked-up relationships.”
That’s putting it mildly.
Nate doesn’t look at me with pity or judgment. He just listens.
“Anyway, I’ve known some bad men in my life, and you’re not one of them. Whatever happened with her…it wasn’t your fault. You’re overprotective and annoying as fuck, but you also care deeply. You’re one of the good ones, Nate, and you deserve to find love. I just thought you should know that.”
When I finish speaking, he shifts in his seat and I realize his eyes are shining with unshed tears. My heart breaks a little at the sight. I’ve never seen Nate cry. I’m willing to bet most people think he’s an insensitive asshole. He certainly likes to portray himself that way, but the truth is, he’s human just like the rest of us.Just like me. I guess Nate and I are cut from the same cloth. We both lost parents at a young age. We both took on too much responsibility too soon—grew up too quickly. As a result, we lost our childhood innocence before we should have.
Nate blinks and clears his throat. “Thank you,” he whispers. “You know you do, too.”
I nod but don’t say anything. I don’t want to ruin the moment by admitting that I’m actually a giant hypocrite, and while I think he shouldn’t give up on love, I’ve already slammed the door shut on the possibility for myself. Instead, we sit in comfortable silence for a few moments before he turns to me.
“Have you ever thought about finding him?”
“My dad?”
“Yes. I know it’s a completely different circumstance, but if there were any way I could talk to my mom one more time…”
