Allie looks up at me, her eyes shining with the remainder of tears that haven’t quite spilled over yet. In them is pure sadness, the color of the ocean sitting lonely beneath the moon.
“Let’s get out of here,” I say, tugging her closer to me.
It’s just the two of us now. Emory ran off after her brother and Luke got into it, and Luke immediately followed her. Then Nate stalked away after punching the side of the gazebo repeatedly until his knuckles bled. I need to get her to leave. Nothing good can come from staying here.
“Where?” She blinks up at me, the skin under her eyes still wet and glittery in the soft glow of the twinkle lights that surround us.
“I have an idea.”
My memories are interrupted, and I’m thrust back into the present when I hear Allie’s ragged breathing. She’s fallen asleep again, and there’s nothing I want more in this moment than to climb on the couch and wrap myself around her. To feel her steady heartbeat against my hand as I rest it on her chest. But I don’t. Not because I’m afraid of catching whatever illness she has, but because I’ve already been infected by her. She already runs through my veins.
I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t keep showing up to her house every time she calls out of work. I can’t pick her up when her car door gets stuck. I can’t call her electric company and take care of her when she’s sick. I have to let myself heal, and the only way to do that is to let it go. Lethergo.
If I fall asleep holding her and wake up alone again, I won’t move on. Every single cell I’m made up of is screaming at me to let go while I still can.
Because if I don’t.
If I stay.
If I ask her about the pills.
If I admit what she’s done to me.
I willneverrecover.
16
ALLIE
Space Buns is really startingto piss me off. I swear to God if she goes into his office and makes a big show of closing the door behind her one more time, I’m going to strangle her with her Pippy fucking Longstocking braids. She’s apparently moved on from her namesake buns. Okay, so she may have only worn those buns once since I’ve started working here.
It doesn’t matter. Either way, she’s a dead woman walking. She’s been going to Ashton’s office every single day this week right before five p.m. to have him “sign off” on her photos, which is Skylar’s job, by the way. Every single time, she makes sure to giggle and look both ways before she walks in and closes the door harder than needed so everyone can see that she’s in his office. Alone with him. With the fucking door closed.
Why do I care? Simple. Because for the first time since I met Ashton Tyler at a bar over eight months ago, he wants nothing to do with me. He’s lusted after me, been annoyed by me, hated me, but he’s never been…indifferent. That’s the only way to describe his attitude toward me over the last couple of weeks. Naturally, I want what I can’t have. I don’t understand how he can be so cold when just a week ago he was so…
My heart skips a beat at the memory of Ashton taking care of me. I don’t remember much. I was pretty out of it, but I remember the soup.He made me soup.
His grandmother’s soup.
The last thing I do remember is him tucking me in and giving me medicine for my fever. Then I woke up alone on the couch to the sound of the heat clicking on and spilling out of the vents. I would have thought the whole thing was a fever dream, except that I called the electric company and they said that myhusbandhad paid our overdue bill in full and had set up automatic payments for future bills. That's when I remembered our argument and the look on his face when he realized that I hadn’t forgotten to pay my bill.
I couldn’t afford it.
It’s either I go without or my mom does, and she’s been through enough already. The choice is easy.
I took off work again the following day to recover from what ended up being the flu, according to Emory. When I came back that Monday, I was all set to confront Ashton and demand he call the electric company back, but he was a completely different person. He was nice, charming even, but in an unfamiliar way. Like I was just his employee. Nothing more, nothing less. No smug grins. No thinly veiled insults. No infuriating orders.
Glad to see you’re feeling better, Allie. It’s good to have you back.
Not Alexandra. Not Chaos. Just Allie.
That was it. Then he got straight down to business, telling me what needed to be accomplished for the week in a kind, even, professional tone that made me want to scream. I didn’t. I just walked back to my desk, completely dumbfounded. I didn’t even confront him about the electric bill. This is what I wanted, after all. To have a professional relationship. To forget everything that’s happened between us. It’s just the ease with which he did it that eats at me. How could he take care of me one minute—pay my bills so I have heat—and then act like I’m nothing the next?
The shrill sound of Cara’s laugh echoes throughout the now mostly empty office, jolting me from my thoughts.
“I’ll be sure to take your advice, Sir.” She rasps the last word, attempting to make it sound sexy, no doubt. My eyes roll in a complete circle. To his credit, Ashton looks entirely uninterested in her, but he still offers a half-smile as he follows her out and closes his office door.
“See you tomorrow, Cara,” he says in the same detached tone he’s been using with me. I breathe a sigh of relief. I don’t think he’s fucking her. Nobody told her, though, because she giggles and blushes like he just whispered the most filthy things in her ear. She scurries out the door, not sparing me a glance as she presses her phone to her ear. Probably calling her friend to brag that Ashton told her he was “going to see her tomorrow.”
