A throat clears behind me, and that’s when I remember that Declan is still here. I look back at him, silently communicating that I don’t want him to leave. I can’t explain it. Declan is the last person on the planet I should want to witness this impending train wreck, but he’s the devil I know, and my father is the devil I don’t. I need someone in my corner.
Declan sighs. “I’ll be down the hall.”
I nod my head, thanking him, and turn back to the man in front of me. “Do you want to come in?”
“If that’s okay.”
I lead him into the living room and he sits on a chair, while I sit across from him on the couch. We stay like that, unmoving, for what feels like hours, but is probably only minutes before he finally breaks the silence.
“You have good taste in music.” He gestures to my T-shirt, the second man to notice it today. I glance down, but don’t say anything.
He smiles as if remembering something. “You know we used to play that for you when you were a baby.” He lets out a low, throaty chuckle. “It helped soothe you.”
“I know.” My tone is clipped, my gaze icy. He doesn’t get to reminisce about my childhood when he was there for all of five minutes.
His smile vanishes and he looks down at his hands. “I’m sorry.” It’s just two words. Words I’ve thought about, dreamed about, fantasized about since I was a little girl. Two words that should make everything better.
He cares.
He has regrets.
He’ssorry.
The words don’t give me the closure or relief I expected. Instead, they make my blood boil, red-hot rage coursing through my veins.
“You’resorry?” I snap. “For what? Leaving us broke in the middle of the night, never to be heard from again? Missing out on my childhood? The fact that my mother had to work three jobs to put food on the table?” I stand from my seat, remembering what Declan just told me. “Or are you sorry for not wanting to see me after all these years? Like you didn’t owe me at least that. I’m curious. What exactly is it that you’re sorry for?”
He scrubs a hand down his face. “All of it.”
“So it’s true. A friend of mine called you a couple of months ago, and you told him you didn’t want to see me?”
“Yes.”
Declan was telling the truth.
“So why the fuck are you here now?”
“I thought it would be worse for you. If you saw me again after everything. I didn’t want to cause any more pain than I already had.”
I feel like screaming. What is it with the damn men in my life trying to protect me from my own fucking feelings!
“That’s such bullshit,” I scoff. “You’re a coward. You didn’t want to see me because that would mean you would have to face what you did.”
He shakes his head, blowing out a breath.
“You didn’t answer my question.Why. Now.”
“Because you’re right!” He stands up from his seat too. “I did owe it to you. I realized I was being selfish, and you’re an adult now. It’s not like she can threaten me anymore.”
“What are you talking about?”
Pain flickers in his eyes at the thought of whatever he’s going to say. “Your grandmother. She made me leave.”
My heart sinks. I keep repeating the words in my head until they don’t even feel like words anymore.
She made me leave.
I cock my head to the side. “What do you mean shemadeyou leave?”
