Oh no. This sounds worse than just boss-employee talk. Is he seeing someone else? I brace myself, gripping the mug tighter.
“The truth is…” He stares at me. “I’ve been wanting to go out with you since July.”
I blink, positive I misheard. “Wait. What did you just say?”
John runs a hand through his hair—a gesture I’ve seen him do at work. “I fell for you when we met in July. My feelings have only grown since then. It’s unprofessional, I know, but nothing I’ve done to push them away has helped. Spending Christmas with you, watching you with my family… I can’t keep pretending I don’t care about you, Abby.”
My brain scrambles to catch up. Mr. Barrington? John? Has wanted to date me for months? The same man who has been acting like he despises me for more than five months? “But you’ve been so hard on me at work. I thought you hated me.”
As he winces, the lines on his forehead and around his mouth deepen. “I overcompensated in our interactions to make sure I didn’t show favoritism to you. I went too far. I’m so sorry.”
I let out a laugh—half disbelief, half relief. “You think?”
John’s smile turns sheepish. “Yeah, not my finest moment. But, Abby, you have to know—you’re brilliant, dedicated, and so passionate about your work. I was afraid if I let how I really feltshow, it would compromise your position. Or, worse, make you uncomfortable.”
I shake my head, trying to understand. “So, all those times you were criticizing my work…”
“I was pushing you because I knew you could do even better,” he finishes. “But I was also worried that anyone would think I was playing favorites.”
“Wow.” I set my mug down on the small table between us.
John nods, his eyes shadowed. “Seeing the way your family criticizes you made me see I’ve been hurting you more than I realized. I feel awful I’ve contributed to your self-doubt. I’m sorry to dump this on you now, but acting like a couple has also made me realize how much I want this—us—to be real.”
It’s what I want, too, but I’m still stunned to find out my grouchy boss likes me. And yet my heart is so happy—like really, really happy. “I know we admitted we were falling for each other during the scavenger hunt, but this is a lot to take in.”
He gives me a sad smile. “It is a lot, but I needed you to know.”
I nod, and there’s something I should tell him—about applying for other jobs. Thinking about saying those words aloud bunches my muscles. I don’t want to ruin Christmas. Not that it will, but we both like each other, so that would put a damper on this wonderful day. I should wait.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“You seemed to be off somewhere else for a moment.”
I didn’t think he would notice, and I don’t want to lie to him, which means I have to say something. I fight the urge to bite the inside of my mouth.
“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?” he asks, sitting straighter than he was a few seconds ago.
Uh-oh. Is he having second thoughts about pursuing a relationship? I hope not after how well everything has been going.
“Abby?”
“Did you know there’s an office bet as to when you’ll fire me?” I blurt.
John’s eyes widen. “What? Why?”
I bite my lip. He told me his truth—it’s my turn. Even though I’m withholding that his behavior has led me to look for a new position. “The past few months have been rough. You criticize everything I do, and coworkers notice.”
John looks stunned. “I never meant for that to happen or for others to think I’m not happy with your performance.”
I shrug, trying to brush it off. “Maybe not, but you did a good job of it anyway.”
He hesitates and then holds my hand. His warmth sends a tingle up my arm. “I messed things up badly, didn’t I?”
I laugh. “Yeah, you kind of did. I was so sure you hated me I never bothered to see if there might be anything else going on.”
John squeezes my hand. “I really need to work on my people skills. You won’t be fired. Far from it. For what it’s worth, you’re the top-performing advisor in the office. Clients have nothing but glowing reviews of you. I have a lot to learn before I can be as good as you are communicating with others.”
