“Hey, Kat.” His voice is like a balm to my battered soul.
“Hey.” I pull my sweater tighter around my body as the weight of the last few days threatens to suffocate me. I haveenough money for another week in this shitty roadside motel, but if I don’t find an apartment soon, I’m going to be living in my car. The comfortable life I built for myself has been disrupted again, all of my best-laid plans scattered to the wind.
“You ok?”
I blow out a ragged breath and smooth my hand over Atty’s fur. He’s been a trooper through all of it from the moment the fire alarm went off. It could’ve been worse, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.
“I… really don’t know anymore.”
“What can I do? Do you want to talk or do you want to forget?”
“Can we just talk tonight?”
“Anytime. I’m here for you. You know that.”
God, I want to believe that so badly, but how do I know if any of this is real? I guess it doesn’t matter either way. My membership lapses tomorrow, and whatever this thing is between us is coming to an end. Despite the absurdity, it feels like yet another thing being stolen from me—my home, my life, my childhood, and now this. I don’t know how much more loss I can bear.
“Is everything ok?” he asks. “Did something happen?”
I want to confide in him—lay my troubles at his feet and let him comfort me the way I know he would, but my pride won’t allow it. “Just… tired. There’s something I’ve been wondering.”
“One piercing for every inch.”
Good lord.
I can’t help the nervous laughter that escapes me. “Not that. Are you really a cowboy?”
“I am. I grew up on a ranch. It’s been in my family for generations.”
“So, you actually ride horses and do cowboy shit?”
“Yeah. I’m especially good at cowboy shit.” I can hear the smile in his voice.
Not for the first time, I wish I could see his face. I wish I could have his smile directed at me and feel the warmth of his touch without all these barriers between us. The thought sobers me.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Anything.”
“Why do you do this? What do you get out of it?”
He raises a brow behind the shadow of his cowboy hat. “You mean other than the obvious?”
“Is that all it is? A way to get off?”
“Yes. And no. It’s complicated.” He’s quiet for a minute—long enough for me to twist myself into knots wondering if I overstepped. “I guess I liked the anonymity. It was somewhere I could blow off steam without the complications of relationships or feelings.”
The sting of those words reverberates through the small part of me that believed we had some kind of connection, however tenuous.You’re pathetic, Callie.
“Except that’s not what happened,” he says. “Not entirely. I got the anonymity I was craving, but I couldn’t keep the feelings at bay.” His voice is unsteady, and the way he’s staring at the screen, it’s almost like he’s seeing me. “But I think you already know that, don’t you?”
“What are you saying?”
“I want you, Kat. I want you in a way that’s dangerous to my sanity.”
My pulse picks up as the confession hangs between us. It’s everything I hoped for, but it couldn’t possibly come at a worse time. How do I say goodbye now? But how the hell do I bring him into my mess?
I can’t.
