Jaxon
Griffin: Copper’s sick.
I’m standing in the middle of Mama’s kitchen with a cookie halfway to my mouth when I get the text. I don’t bother grabbing my keys as I shove out the screen door and jog down the porch steps. As soon as my feet touch solid ground, I run faster than I’ve ever gone in my entire life.
I make it to the big barn, sweat-soaked and out of breath, catching sight of Angie and Griffin near her van in the parking lot.
“What’s wrong with him?” I ask—no small talk.
“Pneumonia,” Angie says. “It started small, a simple upper respiratory infection, but he didn’t respond to the initial treatment.” She gives my shoulder a comforting squeeze, but it does nothing to quell the growing concern. “It’s gotten worse. You need to prepare yourself.”
I follow Griffin into the barn with a pit in my stomach and an overwhelming sense of foreboding. When we reach Copper’s stall, he’s much weaker than usual, and his breathing is labored.
I round on Griffin as my anger gets the better of me. “Why didn’t we catch it sooner?”
“We? And where the fuck have you been, huh? You’ve wanted nothing to do with Copper for years, and now you suddenly give a shit?”
His harsh words hit their mark, exacerbating twelve years of guilt in one fell swoop. I steel myself. Admitting my faults makes me weak, and I’m sure as shit not about to do that. “I’m here now.”
The words are hollow at best. I know in my bones I’m too goddamn late. I should’ve been looking after him the whole time. If he doesn’t make it, it’ll break me. I’ll never forgive myself.
“Arguing isn’t going to solve anything,” Angie says. “He’s been given antibiotics and anti-inflammatories. I’ll check back in frequently to assess his progress.” She presses the stethoscope to his chest. “The right side is much worse than the left. I don’t feel like we need to administer a chest tube for drainage yet, but that could be the case if we don’t see any improvements with the new medication.”
“What can I do?” I ask.
“Keep an eye on him. If anything changes, let me know immediately.”
I give her a solemn nod and let myself into his stall. Copper lets out a rasping cough and stumbles back a step.
I press my forehead to his jaw and close my eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m here now.”
Angie and Griffin head out of the barn together, leaving me alone in the stall. Copper lowers himself to the ground, his breathing labored. It takes me a moment to compose myself asvisions of Copper bolting into the distance come surging to the forefront of my mind. I don’t have time for waking nightmares right now. The past has no place here. I slide down the wall, prepared to stay here night and day for as long as it takes.
As Copper’s breathing slows, I glance down at the watch around my wrist. It’s exactly 8:36 p.m.
“We lost our best friend twelve years ago, didn’t we, boy?” I rest my cheek against Copper’s shoulder and gently stroke his neck. “The thing is, I can’t let you go, too. You’ve got too much life left in you, just like he did. He didn’t have a chance to fight. It was over before he even knew it was happening, but you can. You can fight like hell and make it out of this. It’s what Ryan would’ve wanted.”
Copper lets out a low groan.
“Shhhh. You’re gonna be ok. Keep fighting. I understand the urge to go to him, more than you know, but our place is here. There are people here who love us—depend on us. Pops can’t run this ranch without you. He needs you.” I pause and suck in a lungful of air. “I need you.”
For twelve years, I was too chicken shit to face anything that reminded me of Ryan. It was hard enough to keep breathing, but to have to see Copper every day was torture, so I kept my distance. I know now that was a mistake.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t around more. If I could go back and do it all over again, I’d take care of you the way I always should have. Stay with me. I’ll make up for it, I promise.”
I should’ve been there for him. I should’ve visited Ryan’s parents. I made so many mistakes just so I wouldn’t have to reconcile with my own feelings of guilt and grief. I goaded Ryan into racing me that day, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. All these years, I thought I was protecting myself from the pain, but I was fucking drowning in it.
I hold out as long as I can, not wanting to leave Copper for a moment, but my eyelids grow heavy as the hours pass. Ifinally relent and leave the stall to set up a cot in the tack room, close enough to hear if Copper’s in distress. It doesn’t take long for sleep to take me, and I’m too goddamn exhausted to dream.
I wake to the sound of movement in the barn for the fourth day in a row. I haven’t left Copper’s side for more than ten minutes to use the outdoor shower and change my clothes. My family’s been taking turns checking in on me, each one offering to watch over Copper so I can spend the night at home, but I can’t bring myself to leave him.
The door opens, and I know it’s her before I even set eyes on her. She holds out a small basket. “I brought you something to eat.”
I stand and wrap her in my arms, letting her presence soothe the residual tension. “I need to check on Copper first,” I murmur against her hair.
The scent of her shampoo invades my senses, and I can’t resist running my fingers through the dark strands. It’s longer now, almost touching her shoulders. I’ve missed having her in my arms every night.
“Angie’s in there with him right now. You need to eat.”
