Harper left the next afternoon because Archer needed to get back, but she swore she would be back soon. In typical Harper fashion, she enlisted the help of my sister to babysit me, so that was where I was headed now—to meet Ava at my farm to ride.
As I made my way into the barn, Ava was already there chatting with Levi. When she saw me approach, she turned and immediately engulfed me in a big hug. We stood in the aisle hugging for a few moments before she released me and held me at arm’s length, her deep blue gaze assessing me. “You okay, sis?”
I sighed and shrugged. “As good as I can be, I guess.”
“Well, we can talk all about Dean later, but right now, let’s do what we always do when we need to get away from life—ride horses.” She smiled.
I nodded. “Let’s do it. I have a couple of clients that are out of town, so I need to work Cash, Dahlia, Apollo, and Tank.Pancake and Waffles could probably use a light ride as well. I don’t have a lesson scheduled for them for a couple of days.”
Over the next several hours, Ava and I worked the horses on my list, and it was exactly what I needed—time with my sister on a horse. After every stupid heartbreak or childish drama growing up, this was what we always did. We went out to the barn and rode horses.
We decided to finish our rides with a trail ride on Pancake and Waffles. We stopped once we reached the river’s edge to take in the views of the rolling hills and bright blue sky. I took a deep breath in, tipping my head back as I shut my eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face. It was a typical cold February day, but the sun was shining.
Ava broke the comfortable silence first. “Can you forgive him?” She said it in almost a whisper. I caught Ava up on all the details about Noah and Dean a couple of days after it happened, and she did what she does best: she listened and held me while I cried. No judgment, no unsolicited advice. Being only two years apart, we had always been incredibly close and shared everything with each other. I was grateful and relieved to have her by my side during this heartbreak and the uncertainty I felt.
Opening my eyes, I turned toward her, releasing the rein length a bit so Pancake could graze on some grass. “I don’t know. Harp just dropped yet another bomb on me.”
Ava tilted her head, confused. “What do you mean?”
I told Ava everything that Harper disclosed last night and how it made me even more hesitant to move on and forgive Dean. It really made me question now whether those textsbetween him and Noah were true or not. Without even realizing it, a small tear escaped and slowly slid down my cheek.
“Adds, I’m so sorry you’re here again, but I agree with Harper. Dean is not Noah, and this is not the same thing. Yes, he should have been honest from the beginning about all of these things, but at the same time, I get his side too, and everything he did was because he cares about you.” Ava shrugged, her eyes focused on the reins while Waffles started grazing. “But you have every right to be cautious and take your time until you’re comfortable. Just don’t let your own fear and lack of trust in yourself stop you.”
I nodded. “It just hurts being away from him and not talking to him, ya know? The way I feel about him is intense and all-consuming. I’ve never felt that before. Maybe that’s another reason why I’m being so cautious and taking my time to decide how to move forward…because I know he has the power to truly destroy me. And that scares the shit out of me.”
“I can’t say I know how you feel from experience, but I can only imagine how terrifying that is, knowing that someone has that kind of power. But at the same time, how incredible that you feel that way about him, and it’s obvious he feels that way about you. Have you ever considered that you have that same power over him? To destroy him?” Ava cocked her head to the side curiously.
“Honestly, no, I haven’t even thought about how it’s affecting him. I’ve been so focused on the lies and my own hurt.” I sighed. “He looked pretty wounded when he realized I went to meet up with Noah first to hear him out instead ofhaving dinner with him when he said there were things he needed to tell me.” I fiddled with the reins before admitting the next tidbit of information. “I also may have said something pretty shitty to him on my way out of his house.”
“Okay, let’s back up. Why did you choose to talk to Noah before talking with Dean?” Ava asked.
I tilted my head back and looked up at the sky, shaking my head. “I don’t know? Maybe I thought I was catching Dean in another lie? Like I would find out the truth before he could lie to me again? Which is what ended up happening.”
Ava scoffed. “Yeah, because you didn’t give Dean the chance to tell you before Noah did.”
I narrowed my eyes at my sister. “Whose side are you on?”
She held up both hands. “Yours, always yours. But I just want you to see all sides of this equation.”
“How do I know that Dean was even going to tell me the full truth? Was he doing it because Noah had backed him into a corner? I can’t get those texts out of my head either. When I read them, I felt like my heart was literally being ripped from my chest.” I rubbed at my chest, trying to ease the ache, as I watched some leaves flow down the river in front of us.
“Fair. Those are all fair concerns, and honestly you will never know. It’s up to you to decide if you’re okay with that. The texts, on the other hand, I don’t know. I just can’t see that being true. Seems so unlike him.”
“Yeah, Harp said the same thing and so did Archer. But when he’s lied this much already, how do I know that this isn’t just one more lie? Even if I moved past the whole Noah being hiscousin, the phone call, the horses…I don’t know if I can get past the texts with Noah when I saw his name and number. Like, I need an explanation for that.”
Ava nodded in understanding. “Yeah. I can’t say I wouldn’t feel the same way if I were in your position. I don’t know how you get proof that it wasn’t him, but I get why you need it.” She paused for a brief moment. “So, what was the shitty thing that you said to Dean?”
“I told him that he was just like Noah.” I winced before glancing over at my sister to see her reaction.
Ava shook her head slightly. “Jesus, Adds, of all the things that you could have said. That probably killed him.”
I blew out a shaky breath. “I know. This fucking sucks.” We both picked up our reins and turned the horses away from the river to head back toward the barn.
“If it makes you feel any better, I can’t see Dean giving up without a fight, despite what you said to him.” Ava smirked. “But you need to decide how to move forward, whether or not you get an explanation for the text messages. You either fully trust him…and yourself. Or you don’t.”
Easier said than done.
Chapter 24
