Why is he so inconsistent? He told me I’m precious to him, and then immediately slept with Harper. Yesterday, he seemed crushed by my mere suggestion of going on a date with another guy, and right now, he’s as light and easy and flirtatious as I’ve ever seen him.
I can never pin him down.
"You'll never know until you have a real talk with him."
I whip around to face her, raising my hands in the air. "I can't. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it would be to cry in front of him? I almost did yesterday.”
"From what you told me, it sounds like he was ready to cry too. And what’s so terrible about crying?”
"It’s humiliating." My voice is strained.
"It feels like you're…" Serena huffs out a breath. "You’re hiding. Like you don't want to feel at all."
"I don't."
“Finding happiness requires a certain amount of risk. I knew when I started sleeping with Nick for the second time that he might disappoint me again, but I decided it was worth it.”
I groan. "Can we talk about this later? One of the camera guys keeps looking back at us. I think he's worried he's missing something juicy."
She smiles. "Of course he's worried. You're the prize, Amy. Everyone knows Tristan only has eyes for you. The whole campus will be wondering why he’s giving Natalie and Mia any attention at all." Her expression softens. "But of course, we can talk about this later. I'm sorry if I was…harsh."
Her sweetness eases the tension in my shoulders. "You're never harsh, dearest Jane."
A while later, we reach the peak. The view of the ocean is veiled with a thick coat of fog, probably much to the film crew's chagrin. Some of the staff start setting up a picnic, and I'm startled by a warm hand on my arm.
"Hey," Tristan says softly, reminding me of his dreamy bedroom voice.
"Years, Amy. And it was worth the wait."
An unexpected jolt shoots through me.
“You seem down.” He searches my face. “Are you upset that I’m hanging out with other girls?”
I can’t stop myself from flinching. I’m too listless to hide my pain.
“I thought you were going to avoid me,” I say.
His gaze darts to the camera crew and back at me. As if coming to some kind of resolution, his eyes grow hard, and he grabs me by the arm. Before I get the chance to say anything, he pulls me away from the group and toward a rocky outcrop shaded by a cluster of pines.
"Now isn't the time," I say. "The crew will find us."
"And I'll tell them to leave. You’re upset. Now is the time to have our talk. You have something you want to say to me. I can see it all over your face.”
Moisture gathers in my eyes. Oh God, I’m about to cry at just the idea of telling him how I really feel.
“I know you slept with Harper, and it crushed me.”
What would he think of me then? I’ve spent all my energy these past few weeks showing him I’m strong and brave.
He’ll know what I really am. Weak and terrified.
I take a step back, as if distancing myself physically will create an emotional boundary. "I'm just not that into you, okay? That's all that's going on."
His expression darkens. "That's not the truth, and you know it. Is it really about the bet? Does it bother you that much? I'll tell the frat I lost."
I shake my head. "I don't care about the bet anymore.” I take a step back. "Now let's get back?—"
"No!"
