"Yes," Nick cuts in. "I told her."
I ball my hands into fists. "You’re a fucking traitor. Does our friendship mean nothing to you?”
Nick shrugs. "Tit for tat."
Rage flares through my veins. "This is completely different. I didn't go behind your back, Nick. I told you what I thought, but the choice was yours. You broke up with Serena."
His expression grows hesitant. "I didn't make anything up. You really did make that bet."
"It was much more complicated than that," I burst out, both hands in the air.
Both Serena and Nick's eyes grow wide, and I take a moment to calm myself. After several deep breaths, my shoulders relax, though my skin is still buzzing with unbearable electricity.
Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever been gripped with anxiety this inflammatory, and I need to snap out of it. I can fix everything with Amy. I just need to know what’s wrong first.
"You know it was more complicated than that," I say. "You know I'm—" I close my lips. Fuck, I can't say I'm in love with her.
How can I love someone who would fuck me and leave me, especially after I poured my heart out to her? But the tenderness that washes over me every time her face comes to mind—those bright hazel eyes and that cheeky smile—is not an illusion.
I want her at all costs. Even if she really is vindictive and cruel, I can’t change the fact that being around her is like waking up from the deep sleep of death.
God, I’m a sap.
"You know I've had a thing for her for a long time," I say. "With the guys at the frat… I was just talking. They were taunting me, telling me Amy wasn't into me, that they could see on our first date how much I was into her. It got to me. I already felt like I could never have her, so I made that stupid bet."
"The bet was more like a vow," Serena says, and I whip around to face her. She's staring steadily at me with a strange light in her eyes.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"You were vowing to yourself that you would make her want you."
I huff out a humorless laugh. "It's stupid, but yes. That probably is what I was trying to do.”
Serena narrows her eyes. “Why all the secrets? Why couldn't you have been honest with her?"
My chest pulls so tight that I can’t stop myself from wincing. Her question is so stupidly simple. I could have been honest with Amy. She probably would have liked it. Any time I've whined like a little bitch over my strained relationship with my parents, she’s become as warm and kind as I’ve ever seen her. She's not the type of person to squash a soft heart beneath her heel. She left me because she doesn’t trust me. I was cruel to her once, and I paid dearly for it.
If only I could go back and do everything differently.
"Because…" I inhale a shaky breath. "She scares me to death, to be honest."
Nick scoffs. "Amy scares you?"
I run my hands through my already disheveled hair. “No one has ever had this much power over me. I've been crazy about her for years. I followed her to college, for Christ's sake."
Sharp gasps resonant in the small dorm room, and the hairs on my arms stand up. Fuck, that’s the first time I’ve ever admitted that aloud.
I raise a finger in the air. "If either of you repeat that to Amy…" I shake my head. "Serena, I'll have my mom blacklist you from Hollywood."
She snorts, and I can’t blame her. What a ridiculous thing to say. As if I could persuade my mom to use power she doesn’t even have in the first place. I really am flailing from Amy’s rejection.
"I mean it," I say, though my voice is unsteady. "And Nick, I'll kill you."
He rolls his eyes, and Serena stands up from the bed. She grabs my shoulders and looks into my eyes. "The man you were a moment ago has a real chance at winning Amy."
I frown. "What man?"
"The one who said he's scared. The one who admitted his feelings are so strong he followed her to college. That he would follow her anywhere."
