My head grows so heavy I nearly sway forward. This isn't good. This isn't good at all. Though I should have seen it coming. She made it clear from the very beginning of the game that she didn't trust me.
"It was her revenge for the whole…fanfic thing.” Cody frowns. “But I don't think… Are you okay?"
His words puncture my daze, and it only now occurs to me that I'm holding the wall for support.
"No, I'm not okay.” I press against the wall until I find my balance. After walking a small circle in the hall, my head is finally clear. "So this was her plan from the beginning? She never… She never changed her mind?"
He stares at me for a moment, looking pensive. "I think she—" He closes his mouth, as if thinking better of whatever he was about to reveal.
"Please," I say. "I know you don’t like me. To be honest, I've always been kind of jealous of you."
He scoffs. “You have no reason to be jealous of me. I’m firmly in the friend zone.” As if a thought occurs to him, he shoots me a questioning frown. “How long have you liked her?”
"Years."
The truth of the small word makes something tight and twisted uncoil in my chest. There's no use lying to myself anymore.
This isn't a petty obsession. It never was.
It's love.
I’ve been in love with her for years, and here she was planning to take me down. Anger wraps its way around my heart—hot and searing—but it’s gone in an instant, as if doused by cold water.
How can I be angry with her for playing games? I’ve been playing games with her for years. My weak attempts to pursue her by starting some stupid conversation would end the second she showed me the slightest disdain. My heart was too fragile to withstand it. I’d put my arrogant mask on and lash out at her. Make fun of her. Was that not my own petty form of revenge?
When I finally wanted her so badly that I could hardly breathe, I signed her up for the game. I lied and told her I wanted her to help me make Harper jealous just so I would have an excuse to touch her.
She never would have plotted to take me down if I hadn’t given her a reason to. I betrayed her. I shared one of her deepest secrets—allowed Harper to use it to humiliate her—all because I was too weak to suffer through her dislike of me.
But that dislike faded when she saw who I really am. She was starting to fall for me. I felt it in those precious moments with her when I was brave enough to take off my mask.
"I'm jealous of you too." Cody's voice yanks me out of my head, making me jump. "In fact,” he says. “I kind of hate you."
I huff. "I always knew you liked her too, though you have no reason to be jealous of me. She may never even speak to me again."
He scowls. “I only wish that were true. You don’t deserve her.”
“No.” I smile, a lightness lifting my body for the first time in days.
I finally have the truth, and it’s not as terrifying as the hazy specter of doubt that’s followed me since the moment she snuck out of my room.
She’s scared. She’s not a coward, but she is fearful because I proved myself unworthy of her. But I can take off my mask with her once and for all. I can show her I’m safe. That I’ve learned my lesson.
"Thank you for telling me the truth," I say. "I feel like everything is starting to make sense."
She never trusted me, but she couldn't have faked some of those sweet and tender moments between us, like the night she told me that I'm one of the most interesting people she's ever met.
Amy's eyes are a canvas of her emotions. I know when she's being sincere. I know when she's guarding herself.
The night we slept together, she wore a mask too, and my love for her made me blind to it. Made me want to pretend that it wasn't there when I should have recognized it immediately.
She and I are so similar. She’s my counterpart. Maybe that’s why being with her is like seeing the first rays of sunlight after a long, dark night.
How can I show her that she means the world to me? How can I prove that I’m safe?
CHAPTER 28
Tristan
