“Never. I found a house with a large back yard for her… well the paperwork’s not quite sorted and the title will be in your name, so I guess I bought you a house, and…” My speech falters as she stares at me so intently, I can barely stand to meet her gaze.
“Did you hear that?” Evie whispers to the goat, scrunching her face as I help them out of the car, then rush to open the vet door. “I think Mr Moneybags just said he bought you ahouse.”
Not exactly the reaction I was going for, but I’m buzzing with happiness as I stride ahead to the counter to announce our arrival.
I hope the goat is okay but most of all I hope the vet takes ages to get around to us, because I could sit in the tiny waiting area with my arm around my girl until the end of time.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
MADDOX
It takesa long time to show Evie around the new home. Or ‘the goat’s house’ as she insists on calling it. The creature in question—recently cleared by a veterinary professional—happily trotting along at her heels as we explore.
There’s a granny flat out the back that Ant can use unless or until he needs his own place. Inside the main house, there are three bedrooms, one with an en suite, a living and dining room, a lounge, and an enormous bathroom with a claw-footed tub in the middle.
Mostly bare of furniture, the place seems far too large but I’m sure if Evie lets me stay, we’ll fill it.
Only when she’s content everything is in shape does she release the goat into the fenced yard where it can roam free, eating the remnants of the last tenant’s vegetable garden. The moment she’s not clutching its lead, I finally get to scoop her into my arms and take her across the threshold.
“I can walk, you know.”
“But you don’t have to.” I set her on her feet, nuzzling into the crook of her neck, which I think is a prime contender for my favourite place in the world. “If you had let me continue with my apology, I would have mentioned how sorry I am for rejecting you based on some half-arsed reasoning.”
Her face goes still, staring deeply into my eyes. “Is that what happened?”
And the thing I set loose by reading Addie’s diary skulks into the shadows. I’ve spent so long running it feels natural for my muscles to tense, ready to sprint, but I accept now it won’t ever stop. All I’ll do is exhaust myself and lose the chance to connect with the people who matter.
Of them, the one who counts most of all is in my arms, deserving of the truth after baring so much of her injured soul to me.
“No. What happened is falling in love with you brought a lot of memories to the surface and it was easier to push you away than to confront the truth. Even though I never really believed their lies.”
She nods, standing on tiptoe to reach me just as I bend to reach her, our foreheads resting together, breathing the air she exhales deep into my lungs. “Ant told me Addie had been molested. He thought she might’ve passed that same trauma on to you.”
Andfuckit hurts to hear her careful voice as much as it frees me. Like cutting my foot off to escape the shackles.
Necessary but oh god why does it have to cause so much pain?
“I don’t know how to talk about it,” I admit, my voice as small as I feel.
“That might not be what you need to do right now. Maybe for now, it’s enough to sit with it, own it, and see where it fits before you do more work.”
A jagged laugh escapes my mouth. “Isn’t that a cop out?”
“It’s an acknowledgement you can only win the battles you’re prepared for. There’s nothing wrong with making sure you’ve got the right equipment before you launch yourself into the fray.”
I stand with my eyes closed, holding her, finding solace in her touch in a way I have never been able to with another person. Finally, I open my eyes and give a cautious sniff. “Is that a new perfume?”
“Sure. I believe it’s called eau de goat.”
“Mm-hm. No offence, but your new pet requires a little olfactory acclimation.”
“If only there were a place we could fill with sudsy water to wash it all away.”
With a laugh, I pick her up again and walk through to the large bathroom, turning on the taps one-handed, finding a bottle of body wash in the cabinet that will have to double as bubble bath liquid until I get around to ordering some.
I rest on the side of the tub, alternating between checking the water and removing articles of Evie’s clothing until I’m able to deposit her in the bath, barely giving her a minute alone to adjust before I discard my jeans and t-shirt to slip into the tub behind her.
“This is lovely. I’ve never stayed in a flat with a bath before.”
