And suddenly my tears rush forth, bursting out of nowhere in a flood until it’s too late to hold them back. Too late to do anything but let them pour out in all their misery, washing the worst parts of the day away.
They roll sideways across my face as I lie, facing Finley. They build on the side of my nose before rolling across the bridge, dripping onto my pillow. Waves of them, just as I think they must come to an end, a new burst starts.
My breaths shorten, becoming choppy, painful. It feels like everything bad that happened, every horrible thing that I buried deep, is pouring forth, the horrible memories clambering from their graves, the rotting flesh of long burial doing nothing to diminish their power, their ability to harm.
I press a hand to my chest, the sobs cathartic but painful. Finley reaches a hand towards me, and I grab it, squeezing it so tightly her face twists but I can’t ease up, can’t let go for fear I’ll drift away, floating out of sight.
Finally, the tears abate, my breathing steadies and slows.
I think the tears alarm Finley more than anything else. I’m not a crier, not usually. Tough situations usually bring out my inner sarcasm generator, but right now I’m too spent to find the right angle to laugh at things.
The day was overwhelming. Too many things are shifting around me, leaving me unable to find solid ground.
“Trent took care of him,” I finally murmur, “but he’s connected to another man. Someone who terrorised me when I was young. That’s why we came and got you. He’s behind everything and I don’t know where he is or how to stop him.”
“Hey,” Finley says, rubbing her hand along my arm in a soothing motion. “I’m sure with the amount of money he’ll throw around, it’ll take no time for Trent to sort this out. And we’re safe here, right? That’s why you tossed me into the back of his car and drove me over here.”
“Yeah.”
I breathe out slowly, trying to make it last as long as possible. When I inhale, I hold the breath again, then gently release it, my composure returning. “We’d better be all right. Could you imagine spending the amount of money this house must’ve cost and not being safe?”
“No, I can’t.” Finley giggles. “I’m sorry for whatever happened to you today, but I’m so glad you finally saw sense.” She pokes me in the ribcage. “But now I see what I was missing, I’m doubly angry you turned down Trent’s first offer. We could have been swimming in this luxury the whole time.”
Her take on things instantly cheers me. And she’s right. You’d have to be a madman to think of penetrating these thick walls.
But your uncle is a madman.
I push the thought away, snuggling deeper into the covers. Soon the sound of Finley’s breathing is so long and rhythmic, she can only be fast asleep.
Trent killed someone to save me today. I keep that thought front and centre while I gently prod at the other things lurking behind.
He scared me. Never as badly as Andy, even when I thought I might die, but the fear was genuine. Is genuine.
All the time I’ve spent circling the problem, but Ceecee probably offered the best advice. I shouldn’t get mixed up with someone who has problems that could threaten my life. I certainly shouldn’t drag Finley into his path.
The flip side of that is Trent’s desire to hurt me never eclipsed his desire to keep me safe. Perhaps if I’d fought more, or yelled out words designed to hurt him, things would be different.
But I can’t deal in what-ifs. I’m having a hard enough time dealing with facts.
Trent wants the experience of hurting me without the lingering effects of actually doing so. In time, those urges could escalate, or they could decline.
I know which one I want. The question is, can I extricate myself if it turns out to be the former rather than the latter?
And does it matter, either way?
I want him. Even after being warned of the dangers, I want him. Today, even in the deepest part of my fear, I still held onto shreds of trust, and they turned out to be worthwhile.
My overthinking does no good. With each answer, I start off a dozen more questions.
I want him. That’s the one simple truth under all of it. I enjoy his company, his strength, his warm smile.
Even with my body aching from use, I crave his touch, would be desperate if I didn’t think I’d have it again.
The desires twist and turn within me, playing games, twanging at my emotions, finally exhausting me so much that I fall into a dreamless, depthless sleep.
CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
ROSA
