“Engineering and design.”
“You want to be a designer?”
“I want a straight answer to my question.”
“You’re a sex worker. We’ve already covered that.”
A grin crosses her face then twists into a smirk. “Because we’re all exactly the same and we all provide the same service.”
The words sound innocent enough but there’s a layer of thickness added to her voice that makes me wary. “I want a recording. Just… I can’t stop seeing you on the night of the party, with the boys, before the knife. I want something similar that just goes a little further. Nothing terrible.”
“You don’t get to decide whether it’s terrible. I don’t do recordings.”
“But youcould,”is my immediate retort. “I’ll pay you double whatever you usually charge.”
“There’s nothing to double because I don’t do recordings.”
“Name your price, then.” The whole negotiation is sliding out of my control. “What do you think is fair?”
“If you want a girl to perform for the camera, it’s easy enough to find them. Go online.” She drains the last of her drink and moves into the kitchen. I hear her rinsing it in the sink, then she returns to the table. “This isn’t in my wheelhouse at all.”
“It doesn’t need to look professional or anything. I like the—”
“I know what you like, Trent. I helped Lily record some of what you like.” Her eyes lock to mine, seeing everything. “It was your request, wasn’t it?”
The photos and video I made Lily record for me are far tamer than what I planned to ask Rosa for. Zach’s rule—nothing illegal—curtailed my requests.
Don’t get me wrong, I adore them, still watch them, but if the pair are truly together as a couple like they seem to be, I won’t have even those paltry clips to tide me over. Zach might not ask for them to be erased but it’ll be the expectation. Nobody wants their friend jerking off to their girl, no matter how many years of friendship lie behind us.
Then a new, worse thought occurs to me. “There’s nothing between us, I swear.”
She stares at me, wide-eyed for a second, then bursts into giggles. “Oh my god,” she says between spurts of laughter. “That isn’t what I thought at all.”
I sit back, my tension easing a little as I smile along with her amusement. “Oh, so now you’re saying I couldn’t get a girl like Lily?”
“Are you naturally competitive or did you have to work at it?”
“I—” My brain fizzles, unable to come up with the right answer. “I’m not competitive,” I say finally, already knowing what’s coming back my way.
“You’ll have a better experience if you choose a worker who aligns with what you want. I’m not that girl. This isn’t a challenge or a dare or a tease to make it harder for you. There are things I do and things I don’t. The thing you want from me is at the nopest edge of my nope column.”
“You’re doing this to pay for uni, right?”
She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter what I’m using the money for. You’re not listening.”
The flat refusal eats away at my brain.
I spend my life agreeing to other people’s wishes. I’m going to a crappy school because Zach got kicked out again, and he’d been excluded so many times, it was the only place that would take him.
I work with Stefan because Caylon started doing hacking work with him for the money and the rest of us got roped into it because that’s what we do. We stick together and we help our friends.
Even at home, I stay out of the way. I’m sure half the exec team at dad’s firm don’t know he’s got a son, let alone one who lives with him.
All the time, doing things for other people because I thought that’s how the world worked. Except now I’m the one who wants something and the person I want it from isn’t playing ball.
“How many years do you have left at uni? Two? Three?”
Her shoulders slump a little as she shakes her head and I try to imagine what she’s seeing. A clueless boy sitting at her table, trying to get her to do something she patently doesn’t want to do.
