Something shifts. Way down deep where I keep my worst memories locked up tight. A tentacle slithers through a gap in the lid, skating up the inside of my brain, waving to draw attention.
I slam it back down, hammering a few extra nails in the join to be certain.
“I… Back in the summer holidays,” I say, the admission making me feel just as vulnerable as my splayed legs.
Then the doctor straightens and presses lightly on my knee. “That’s me, done. You can get dressed again.”
She exits, pulling the curtain back into place behind her while I sit up, trying not to cry.
Once my jeans are in place, I walk out, cheeks burning. “Is…” I gulp, not wanting to know. “Is there something wrong?”
“There’s evidence of infection,” she says in her no-nonsense no-judgement voice. “I’ll mark the test for urgent processing, and we should get the results back Monday or Tuesday morning. Have you noticed any symptoms? A discharge? Discomfort during sex or urgency when you’re weeing?”
I shake my head. “Nothing like that.”
Another nod. “Often there are no symptoms so it’s great that you came in for testing. Don’t worry. If you have—”
She breaks off as Seb enters the room, carrying the sample jar full to the brim.
“If you could hand that in at reception,” the doctor says with a blank smile. “Then come back in for your rectal swab.”
“It was a joke,” I say, eyes blankly staring at the edge of her table, wondering what disease is lurking in my body, hiding from me but apparently evident to her.
I close my eyes. I’ll have to tell Joseph. Bet that’ll be a laugh a minute.
“He doesn’t need one,” I reiterate.
“Okay.” If she’s surprised by the admission, it doesn’t show. “Then once you’ve handed in your sample, you’re free to go. I’ll send out a retesting notice because the tests are sensitive, but it can take a few days to a few weeks before they can pick up disease. Until you’ve retested and had clear results, please abstain or use protection. The receptionist has free condoms and a pamphlet explaining how to convert them into a dental dam for oral sex.”
She stares at Seb expectantly while he shifts his weight, his gaze resting more heavily on me the longer I refuse to return it.
“I’ll wait in the—”
“Please don’t,” I blurt. “I could be some time.”
Anxiety pours from him like it’s a physical thing, poking and prodding, trying to find a way inside. Finally, I can’t stand it any longer and turn to meet his eyes.
Seb frowns, his expression asking a question he’s obviously not comfortable putting into words. My brain is so internally focused it takes a second for me to click.
He thinks I’m reporting him.
He’s scared I’m giving her a far different story than the moonlight tryst he invented for his own amusement ten minutes ago.
I haven’t seen… well, it’s not fear exactly—Apprehension? Uncertainty?—on his face before.
A preview of what would happen if the shoe were on the other foot.
If I weren’t already swallowed up with other misgivings, I’d suck up his distress like a dessert topping an ice cream salesman threw in for free.
It’s fucking delicious.
I turn my attention back to the desk without giving him a solitary clue whether his misgivings are justified. It’s only when he eases out of the room, taking his palpable worry with him, I allow myself the satisfaction of a smile.
CHAPTERFIVE
SEB
“You know,”Gareth says to me the following day, Saturday, as he assists my transition from being billeted with his family, to my new room. “Most guys wait until their first official day of term before they hook up with the hottest piece of arse at school.”
