The way Nadia and her shifting affections makes me feel right now.
“I want to go home.”
The change in tack is unexpected. Even if she’s wound herself into a shitty mood in the hour we’ve been separated, this is a reversal of everything I’ve seen from her today.
“Home,” I repeat, waiting for my brain to make the connection so I can understand where this is coming from.
“Yes. It’s the place I live ninety-nine percent of the time.”
The taunt sounds like her words but the venom propelling them is new. Resentment surges inside me. All today, I’ve enjoyed myself. A treat—memories to treasure—since my life after I’m caught again is going to suck.
Now, with a few words, with a few gestures, that’s all changed. It’s turned, spoiled, and I don’t even know why.
The confusion makes me cruel. “And what’s waiting for you there? Apart from the men hungering to kill your son.”
“That you’re doing nothing to stop! You said—”
“I said I’d protect him and he’s in absolutely no danger. Not now. Not when I go back inside.” My hands curl into fists and I take a second, forcing them to relax. “That was our agreement and unless you’ve got some evidence to show I’m a liar, then you need to quit whatever the fuck it is you’re doing right now and get back on board with the program.”
The pulse in her neck beats so fast and strong that I can see it twitching against her skin. I wish I could read her better.
“What aren’t you telling me?” she says, digging for God-knows-what.
My eyes snap to meet her gaze. The truthful answer is so many things but that seems fair, it’s obvious to me she has her own share of secrets. “What d’you mean?”
“I want to leave. I need to get back home. The police—” She breaks off, shaking her head.
“The police are what?”
But she disengages, spacing out like the only things she’s paying attention to are the thoughts swirling through her mind.
I soften the edges of my voice as I try again. “Did something happen while I was out?”
There’s a quirk to her lips, her nostrils pull together. Her amber eyes glow like there’s a fire banked in there, ready to burst back into full flame at a moment’s notice.
I remember thinking yesterday that she was plain, nothing special. Now, those incredible eyes have embedded their beauty on my heart. I can’t look away. “Can’t you just tell me?”
She hugs herself and I walk a step closer, wanting to join her in the effort, wanting to offer her whatever solace she needs, heal whatever wound is pulling apart. But I stop because she’s delicate and I’m a brute, even when I don’t mean to be.
“I just want to go home. The police are crawling all over my house and I want to be there. I hate to think of them poking around, going through my things.” She shakes her head. “I don’t like people going through my personal possessions. I did nothing wrong. It’s not fair!”
“Apart from smuggling drugs,” I say in a teasing voice. An attempt at levity that misses the mark so thoroughly I can’t see the target any longer.
“You’ve got the room for the night. You’ve got money. I’m taking the car and I’m going home.”
“No.”
“It wasn’t a question.”
Nadia glares at me, advancing a step, expression set in a way that lets me know she expects me to move aside.
I don’t. It’s not like she can force her way past me. She’s stuck here unless or until I say otherwise.
“No,” I repeat. “You’re sitting down and we’re having dinner and if you shake loose whatever stick you’ve got shoved up your arse right now, we can talk about it.”
Her head twitches to the side, and I can see the line of her jaw, clenched tight.
It feels like last night, when she abruptly disappeared from me in the dark, twisting out of reach. Except now, I’m standing here watching her and I still don’t know where’s she’s gone.
