Half an hour later, there’s a knock at the front door, and I rush to open it, thinking Dad’s forgotten his key. Lachlan stands outside, carrying a dress bag on a hanger.
“Here,” he says, thrusting it at me in an uncharacteristically clumsy gesture. “You looked…” he trails off, frowning at the floor. “Keanen asked me if he could still take you to the dance after we… after Iteasedyou in the cloakroom. He didn’t want to step on any toes.”
He looks on the verge of breaking down and I don’t understand. Lachlan’s always so sure of himself. Always confident that no matter what he’ll come out the other side okay.
Now his expression is distraught. There’s a reddish tinge to the delicate skin around his eyes. If I saw that on myself, it would be because I’ve been crying.
But Lachlan is the strongest person I know. He doesn’tcry.
“I just… I told him it was fine. He… he really likes you, but he’s held back because he knows that…”
My pulse beats so hard in my ears that I can’t hear anything but the faltering words of the boy standing in front of me.
He shakes his head, nodding at the dress that’s now in my hand. The one he has no business buying me, even if we were going to the dance together. The dress that is far too freaking expensive for anyone to justify the purchase.
“You looked beautiful. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”
I reach out to touch him, take his hand, try to easesome of whatever burden it is he’s struggling with but he evades me, sidestepping out of range.
“I tried,” he says so softly I barely hear him. “I argued with my father about Kari but he wouldn’t budge… and he’s not a man who accepts the word no.”
My throat swells, nose running as I fight back tears, watching Lachlan do the same. Watching a single tear trickle down his face.
“I didn’t want you to think I didn’t try… that I didn’t think you were worth fighting for… I’m so sorry, George. I really wanted it to work out between us… but I can’t go against him.”
He turns, weaving slightly as he walks along the front path, heading away from me, heading for the safe retreat of his car.
There’s a blur over my vision when I close the door. It feels like there’s a hand around my throat, pulling ever tighter until I can barely swallow.
I lean my head against the wood, still clutching the dress that I don’t even want.
All I want is to take back my ultimatum. To run after Lachlan and tell him I don’t care if he’s dating some other girl. I don’t care if he has to get engaged to her or marry her or have a bunch of little Lachlan clones with her for the sake of his family.
My answer should have been yes.
It’s the answer my body has been singing all along.
At the start, I thought there was a reason to insist on him being free and clear. So soon after the mess of my last relationship, it was valid to think that agreeing to his request would only end in disaster.
But Lachlan’s already in tears. I feel broken. If this was an exercise in self-protection, it’s time to call it a rampant failure.
I thought I set a reasonable boundary, but all I built was ano-mans-land that, given the circumstance, neither of us can hope to cross unscathed.
LOCK
I wipe my face clean as I walk to the car, suppressing a smile as I pull into the road and see George in the rearview, standing, frozen in place on the front porch, staring after me as I drive away.
A few mournful glances at the dance tomorrow night, maybe a few minutes of stolen conversation, and she’ll be putty in my hands.
I rub my eye as I wait at the lights, forgetting and grimacing as the lemon juice on my fingers steals into the corner, making it water enough for another tear to roll down my cheek.
The juice was a backup. It’s been a hot minute since I last had a tear flow naturally, and George has quickly upgraded from a daydream to an obsession. I can’t leave anything to chance.
I turn the corner and suddenly have to pull into the curb, cutting the engine, losing the lights, hiding in the darkness as actual tears threaten to flow. My chest seizes like I’m having a bloody heart attack.
What if it’s not enough? What if she sees straight through these attempts? What if the only person I’m fooling is myself?
My confidence shreds.
