Instead, my fingers explore further, dancing down the keyboard of her ribs until they find the curve of her waist. There they splay across her smooth stomach, feeling how the skin there pulses in reaction to my touch, flinching away then relaxing.
When I tear my mouth away, resting my forehead against hers, she whispers, “Promise me you’ll put me back.” She stops and winces while swallowing, then speaks again. “Leave me back where you found me once you’ve had your fun.”
CHAPTERTWENTY
CAYLON
A tremor works its way through my torso, spiking out and clamping inside my muscles, making me tense. “Don’t talk like that.”
I sit back and straighten her clothes, unable to meet her eyes. I lie down alongside, rolling her closer to me, wrapping my arms tightly around her as though she might be snatched away at any second.
“Please, Caylon. Promise me.” She’s trembling, so thin I can feel her bones rattling with every twitch. “It was so hard to do it once, it’s not fair to make me do it again. You have to help.”
“I’m not going to help you k—” But I can’t even finish the words.
The fear swamps me in an instant, catapulting me back to when I first saw her. It hurts too much to stay on the memory and I bat it away, clinging to her even harder, as though at any moment she might fly away from me. Disappear forever. “You’re staying here. I’ll help you and you’ll get better.”
“You can’t keep me here.” She twists, pulling against the restraints and I’m so glad to see her fighting for something that I can take a full breath again.
“Why did you—?” And I break off again, forcing myself to swallow, to pause, before trying. “Is this something to do with the videos?”
Her eyes widen, then snap shut as she tries to curl into a ball. Something she can’t achieve while I’m holding onto her so tightly.
“How d’you…?” Her breath whistles in and out and I roll her onto her back, tilting her chin up to open her throat.
“I saw it on the forum. Didn’t you see my message?”
“I can’t…” She shakes her head, pinching her face so closed that I can’t see anything but pain.
“Trent and Zach have nothing. I checked.”
Her eyes flick open, and she stares straight into mine. “Let me go. This is kidnap. You can’t keep me here.”
“You’re not going anywhere. Not until your head’s straight.”
She kicks out at me, her heel connecting with my knee in a lucky strike that sends a bolt of pain careening along my shin. “Fuck you.” She twists and pulls her leg back to kick again. I try to hold her down, but she’s turned into a writhing monster, twisting and turning, getting blows in where she can.
“You know nothing about what my life is like. With your fucking beautiful face and your genius brain and your rich fucking daddy. You don’t have the first clue about what it’s like for the rest of us.”
“Then tell me. Make me understand so I can help.”
“No!” Her flailing leg strikes me on the ankle, and I clamp both of mine around it, holding it steady. She immediately jerks the other up to her chest, then aims a kick at me that makes my eyes water.
“Stop fighting me, Em. You’ll hurt yourself.”
She laughs in a dispirited way that makes my chest feel hollow. “I’ll hurt myself. That’s rich coming from the boy who’s spent the last few weeks terrorising me at school.”
The barb lands, doing so much more damage than it should. Piling in on top of my existing guilt to catapult it to a new level.
“I’ll stop,” I promise, still trying to gain control as she struggles. “I’ll get everyone to stop. You can stay by my side all day, every day. No one will ever dare say a bad word against you, ever again. I’ll change my class schedule to match yours, so you never have to be alone.” I grab the back of her neck and pull her close enough that I can feel her breath against my lips. “It’ll be fine, Em. You’ll see. Better than fine. It’ll be good.”
A tear trickles from the corner of her eye and I catch it with my thumb, gently sucking the salty liquid then going back for another.
I wish I could take away her sadness as easily. Wish I knew for sure if I was the cause or if there is another source of her misery. Someone else—something else—that I could take all my guilt and regret out on.
“And all I have to do is stay by your side, even though I’ve made it perfectly clear I don’t want a single thing you have to offer? Pass.”
She’s shaking and this time I’m not foolish enough to believe it’s with nerves or sadness or terror. She’s shaking with anger.
