I need to see her.
You need to leave her the fuck alone.
Sure, but more importantly, I need to see her.
The first day back at school, I’d put a tracker on her car. My hands shake, head pounding as I activate it, anxiously waiting for the screen to resolve into a dot tracking where it’ll be.
It shows her up in the hills, somewhere near Victoria Park. A place I like to drive as well, calming my spirit as I look out at the view.
I’ll just check on her. Nothing more. Give her the gift if she wants it, leave if she never wants to see me again.
Tomorrow, I can think of a new plan. Tonight, I’m out of bright ideas. All I want to do is reassure myself she’s okay. Calm the anxiety scrabbling around in my brain, free the cables knotting in my chest.
I steer the car towards the little blinking dot, chasing it down with single-minded focus. The journey takes so long, my anxiety levels off, staying at an uncomfortably high setting but not spiralling into anything worse.
The road winding up the hill is narrow enough during daylight hours, with the twilight giving way to night, I struggle to follow the painted lines, my only defence against a driver heading the opposite way.
It’s a relief to turn into the parking bay. A short-lived sensation that evaporates entirely when I find Em’s car.
It’s so close to the edge of the parking lot that its wheels touch the bollards. I peer inside the windows but it’s obvious she’s not in there. Even the pile of blankets in the back isn’t high enough to think it could hide her tiny frame in its bulk.
I feel the bonnet. The engine’s cool but I already guessed that. Her dot hasn’t moved since I initiated it on screen. That’s the minimum for how long she’s been parked here.
ExceptEm’snot parked here. She’s left the car behind and… done what? Gone for a walk at night. In the dark. In a park high above the city where no one will hear her scream for help?
Even with a torch, the going would be tough, and I can’t imagine she has one with her. I turn on the light on my phone, then turn it off again, blinking in the darkness until the afterglow retreats enough that I can see again.
That’s a big nope. I walk in a circuit around the parking area, trying to see any signs of where she might have gone, but if there are any, they’re not visible in the deepening night.
I pause, stifling my breath until it’s barely audible. Straining as I filter out the sounds that should emerge from the darkness, hoping to hear some that shouldn’t.
A rustle from deeper in the bush is the only signal. I follow the marked path, ear cocked for another noise. After five minutes, I emerge into a clearing. There’s a large eucalyptus tree to my right and a hole in the bush to my left which clears a view over the city.
Glorious. If I were Em, this is the place I’d want to be.
The sticks under foot are dry, snapping as I shuffle around the base of the tree, once again scouring the ground for evidence.
This is stupid. I should abort the mission. She’ll come back to her car at some point, so I should wait there. She might already have done that and gone, all without me seeing her.
There’s a weird call and I stop moving, waiting to hear it again. Crepuscular and nocturnal creatures make the oddest noises. I hear a snuffling like a quiet hedgehog, but they won’t be this high up the hillside. Maybe it’s a bird, scrounging in the undergrowth.
I walk farther around the tree, my head bumping against something hanging from the overhead branch. I put my hand up to knock it away, feel a shoe. Glance up.
Everything stops.
CHAPTERNINETEEN
CAYLON
My mind is a jumble of images and actions, none of them making any sense. It’s not until I’m back in my car, speeding down the hillside, that time resumes operating in linear fashion.
Em is in the seat next to me. I have one hand on her forehead to keep it tilted back, opening her crushed airways. Leaving space for her veinous and arterial systems to recover.
Take her home.
Take her to the hospital.
Take her home.
