“If you’re worried that footage will end up somewhere it shouldn’t, don’t.” Zach reaches into my pocket to withdraw the phone and clicks onto the app I’ve been too scared to look at since. “See? It’s gone.” He mimics smoke rising into the air. “Like it never existed.”
“But you have a copy.”
“Of course, I have a copy. You were exquisite. If a girl goes to so much trouble to perform a sex show for me, it’d be rude to ignore it, don’t you think? I’m going to treasure that forever. On my deathbed, I’ll have our grandkids play it to me on a loop, so I leave this world thinking of the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
I roll my eyes and shove past him, too upset to deal with his particular brand of bullshit right now.
But his hand catches mine and pulls me back. “Why are you so angry at me? Nothing bad has happened. What’s the problem?”
He seems so genuinely confused that it stumps me for a moment. I know I woke up on the wrong side of the bed—lately it seems that’s the only side available—but I’m right to be angry, aren’t I?
“Nobody saw anything,” he reminds me.
“Trent did.”
“Well, yeah.” Zach frowns and shakes his head. “It was his request you chose. But nobody else but me.”
“Maybe that’s two too many people for my liking.”
“We won’t say anything to anybody. Don’t you trust us?”
I laugh and Zach winces. A quick movement that he soon plasters his familiar smirk over, but I see it. Suddenly, I’m the one who feels like a heel. “Sorry.” The automatic response is out of my mouth before I can choke it off and I bite my lip to stop another.
“Come on,” Zach says, slinging his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s go do something fun.”
“I can’t afford to dosomething fun,” I say through gritted teeth. “My assessment scores are woeful enough without skipping class. Plus, the counsellor will report me straight away.”
“Not if you’re signed in for every class,” he says. “I’ll take care of it. No one will ever know.”
I jerk away from him. “I’ll know and it doesn’t do any good fooling the counsellor when I’ll still fail the class. Since I’m already a full term behind everyone else, I’ll never catch up if I don’t attend the lessons.”
“Then I’ll have someone take notes.”
“Oh, sure. Who is this someone?”
“What does it matter? I said I’d take care of it, so I’ll take care of it. I said I wouldn’t share the video and I won’t. What exactly is your problem?”
My inability to articulate as he cuts my excuses down infuriates me. Instead of answering, I push him—hard—and yell. Not even words. Just a meaningless shout.
Trent moves closer to Zach, as though expecting a violent reaction. I stumble a step backwards, fighting so hard just to stand there while I’m filled with overwhelming rage that I can’t think to do anything else.
It’s been years since I last got like this. I’m ashamed. Thought I was better. But any progress is a lie. This is me. The stupid screwup who can’t ever make the right decisions. Who can never run fast enough to get ahead.
Useless.
Worthless.
I put my hands to my face, blotting out the world. A sound comes out of me, a keening wail, and I don’t know how to stop it.
Then muscular arms are around me. A hand presses my face into a hard chest, while another rubs my back in a soothing motion.
“Walk,” Zach tells me, and I do. Because it’s easier to blindly obey. Because any decision I make will be the wrong one anyway, so it’s better to let someone else make them.
Even when I open my eyes, I can’t see. Zach continues to press my face against his chest, hiding me from the prying gazes that must be all around.
An embarrassment. I’ve embarrassed myself again. I won’t be able to come back here. My education will be gone along with my flat. My sister.
If I haven’t lost those things already.
