‘If you tell me that cow plays the accordion I’ll know that bump on the head was a lot more serious than I thought.’
‘Noooo, that’s a cello.’
‘You’re winding me up,’ said Liv, and under her breath added, ‘Or I am going to need sectioning because I have properly wandered into La La land.’
‘No. Ginger likes listening to classical music. She finds it calming. And I think she gets lonely.’
‘It’s a radio then,’ said Liv.
‘Of course it is. You didn’t think she could play the cello, did you?’ Effie got a fit of the giggles. Liv was funny.
‘Probably a daft question,’ said Liv as they continued out of the courtyard and towards the woods with Effie leading the way with a torch. ‘But why don’t you put Ginger in a field with other cows? Then she wouldn’t be lonely.’
‘We have tried that a few times with different herds but the problem is she doesn’t know she’s a cow. I think she thinks she’s a dog because she spent the first few months at the lodge with Jock’O but then she got too big for the garden there and she was eating the herbs, the ivy and mother-in-law’s tongue.’
‘Eww that’s an image I’ll struggle to get rid of,’ said Liv. ‘Hang on, I’m guessing that mother-in-law’s tongue is a plant?’
‘Yes, a bit of a toxic one too. It gave Ginger diarrhoea.’
‘That’s also not a nice thought. A cow with the runs. That would take more than a couple of Imodium to sort out.’ Liv seemed to find that funny. They trudged on a bit further. ‘Are we there yet?’ asked Liv.
‘Almost,’ said Effie pointing the way with the axe.
‘I wish you wouldn’t wave that thing around. I’m worried I’m going to go home looking like Van Gogh.’
They made it to the woodland where there was a little less snow, thanks to the tree cover, and Effie began searching.
‘Effie, my teeth are actually chattering here.’ Liv did a demonstration.
‘It’s okay. I found something.’
Liv went to join her. ‘What is it?’
Effie stood back to proudly reveal her find. ‘Mistletoe. Isn’t it beautiful? I think it’s quite romantic how it needs the poplar tree to survive. It draws on the tree’s nutrients and water.’
‘Sounds like a parasite to me,’ said Liv who was visibly shivering. Fraser was right about one thing: southerners were definitely not as hardy as the Scots.
‘The ancients believed it warded off evil and kept witches at bay.’
‘Great. That’ll keep Janet out of our hair. Chop a load down and let’s get back.’
‘Have you ever seen it in the wild before?’ asked Effie selecting where best to cut without killing off the plant or the tree.
‘Nope, ours comes from B&M Home Bargains. It’s cheap, everlasting and it has added glitter. I highly recommend it.’
‘You can chop down some of that holly,’ said Effie pulling out the old curved machete they kept for jobs like this.
‘Bloody hell,’ said Liv staggering backwards away from the blade and reversing hard into a tree. ‘I swear I’m going to die in this place.’
‘Are you okay?’ asked Effie offering her the knife again.
‘Yep. All good. Nothing wrong with me.I’mperfectly sane,’ said Liv. ‘Thank you,’ she added as, at last, she cautiously took the machete and backed away, this time avoiding the tree.
Effie concentrated on the mistletoe until she heard grumbling from Liv.
‘Ouch, this stuff is vicious. I think it knows I want to cut bits off it.’ Liv was getting her gloves and coat caught up in the holly bush. She looked like she’d been velcroed to it in a number of places.
‘Here,’ said Effie, coming over and taking the machete. ‘Look for the newer branches. They’re not as thick and woody. Take hold of a section where the leaves won’t spike you and then…’ Effie brought down the blade and cleanly cut the branch from the bush. ‘See?’
