When Cameron came home thirty minutes later they had quite a list.
‘Hiya,’ he said. ‘What have we got here?’ he asked, putting down his satchel and joining them both at the flip chart.
‘Fifty ways to leave your lover,’ sang Darla. When that got no response she pointed to the header on the chart. ‘Fifty reasons to split up,’ said Darla, feeling quite proud of herself.
‘But we’ve not reached fifty yet. It’s quite hard,’ said Ros.
Cameron scanned the list. ‘They’re good and everything, but for each of these one of us has to take the blame.’ He pointed to the list and read aloud. ‘Cameron is cheating on Ros. Ros is too busy at work and has no time for Cameron. Cameron has got an infectious disease and Ros doesn’t want to catch it. They’re all like that.’
‘Apart from these two.’ Darla tapped the board near the bottom.
‘Either Ros and Cameron are incompatible sexually or they’re allergic to each other,’ he read out. ‘I’m not sure we’d be telling anyone the first one even if it was the reason. And allergic to each other? Not very likely. Is it even a real thing?’ he asked and looked between the two women. Darla nodded as Ros firmly shook her head.
‘Cameron’s right,’ said Ros. ‘I don’t think there’s a way to do this without one of us taking the blame. I guess as this was my idea it should be me.’
‘Actually it was my idea,’ said Darla.
‘Then I definitely blame you,’ said Cameron with a smile. ‘Could we say we were in a threesome but we both wanted Darla so we agreed that nobody would have anybody?’
‘No,’ said Darla and Ros together.
There was a lull while they all perused the board. Cameron held up a finger as if he’d had a flash of inspiration. ‘Whilst I would have liked to have kept in touch with Barry, I think you should blame me for the break-up. Nothing too awful though, please,’ he said.
‘Why?’ asked Ros.
‘Because you’re his daughter and I don’t like the thought of him thinking you did something wrong. And you don’t want him to badger you to fix it. So it has to be me.’
Ros squeezed his shoulder. ‘Thanks, that’s a gallant thing to do.’
‘You know me,’ said Cameron with a shrug.
‘I do,’ said Ros.
‘Great,’ said Darla, feeling pleased that they’d found a way forward but the other two looked rather glum considering she’d solved their issue. ‘I’m going to put a star by all the ones where Cameron initiates the split, then I’ll leave you two to work out the details. I think that deserves—’ But she was interrupted by the entry buzzer.
Ros answered it. ‘Dad! Hello, how lovely it’s you.’ She waved frantically at Darla and Cameron who were already manhandling the flip chart out of the room.
Darla and Cameron hid it in Cameron’s wardrobe. Darla caught sight of a Ken and Barbie T-shirt. ‘Seriously?’
‘Yeah. They’re the original perfect couple,’ he replied.
‘If you like out-of-proportion boobs and no penis,’ she said, coming back into the living area. ‘Barry, hi, how are you? I’ve heard the good news.’ And she pulled the slightly bemused man into a hug.
‘We were talking about Ken and Barbie,’ explained Cameron, looking embarrassed. ‘Nice to see you, Barry. Drink?’
‘No, I’m not stopping. Amanda is downstairs with Gazza.’ He pulled a face.
‘Is she still here?’ asked Ros.
‘Yes, your mum’s still here. But she’s leaving soon. I’d really like you to sit down with her before she goes. Please.’
‘I’ll need to check my diary,’ said Ros.
Cameron cleared his throat and gave her a look. ‘I’m sure we can sort something out.’
‘Great,’ said Barry brightly. ‘Anyway, the thing I came round to tell you was I’m having a party!’ He waved his hands in the air and grinned at them all.
There was no response for a beat too long so Darla felt she should say something. ‘Who doesn’t love a party? Great idea, Barry. What’s the occasion?’
