‘Okay,’ said Emily, looking a little brighter. ‘What’s a star present? Is it like a prize for the best present?Because I think whoever bought Bernard the tuna wins that one.’
‘Nope, you’ll see.’ Lottie ushered her through to the drawing room, where Jessie was playing with her unicorn, Joe was chatting to Scott and Bernard was snoozing in his favourite armchair.
‘I found this,’ said Jessie, holding up a neatly wrapped present. ‘It was under the sofa.’
‘Ooh, is it mine?’ Emily asked Zach hopefully. Zach shook his head.
‘And there’s this label for … The Duch-ess,’ said Jessie, reading it slowly. ‘I don’t know if they go together.’
‘Open it and see,’ said Lottie, coming to kneel by the tree.
Jessie ripped off the paper, pulled out a CD and scrunched up her features in disappointment.
‘Alfie Boe. The Duchess will love this,’ said Lottie, trying to keep a straight face.
‘Will she?’ asked Scott, looking amazed.
‘No,’ said Lottie with a chuckle. ‘This must be Uncle Bernie’s and he’s got the cat’s tuna.’
‘Ahhh,’ said Emily, taking a seat nearby.
‘Star present time,’ chimed Lottie. Jessie gasped and dropped her unicorn. Emily and Scott exchanged confused looks as the rest of family became animated. ‘Right,’ said Lottie. ‘I know this may be something only the Collins family do so I’ll explain. This is a present from the star on the Christmas tree to the whole family.’
‘Ri-ight,’ said Scott, not sounding convinced.
‘But it’s a fairy,’ said Emily, looking at the tree as if to check.
‘But usually it’s the fancy star thing,’ said Bernard.
‘Nana used to do it. It’s a special present that brings usall together,’ explained Zach. ‘Like last year it was tiddlywinks. We had a real laugh playing with them.’ He seemed to ponder this. ‘I guess it was Nana’s way of getting us to stop fighting and enjoy each other’s company.’
‘The year it was marbles, I nearly broke my bloomin’ neck on the blessed things,’ said Bernard.
‘Was that 2008?’ asked Angie.
‘Noooo,’ said Zach. ‘2008 was Crappy Shitmas – the year we all got diarrhoea.’
‘That’s not a nice present. I hope it’s not that this year,’ said Scott. It was hard to tell from his expression if he was serious or not.
‘Do you remember the year we got Twister?’ Lottie was already laughing at the memories.
‘That was the funniest,’ said Angie.
‘I swear I strained my groin playing that,’ said Zach.
‘More likely it was playing with Hazel Johnson that did it,’ said Angie, with an old-fashioned look.
Emily’s ears pricked up.
‘A very ex-girlfriend from uni who dumped me on Boxing Day,’ he explained. ‘I blame you lot.’ Zach jokingly pointed at Lottie and his mother.
‘Come on,’ pleaded Jessie, who was jiggling up and down, powered by pure excitement and anticipation.
‘I wonder what it is.’ Lottie gave the box a little shake and widened her eyes at the sound.
‘Did you buy it?’ asked Emily, her forehead puckering.
‘Nana used to buy it,’ said Zach, ‘but I’m guessing this year …’ He looked at Lottie.
