‘Zach.’ Emily’s tone wasn’t unlike Nicola’s: it made them both jump. Zach’s head snapped around and he gave her his full attention. ‘Sorry. I don’t think we should intrude,’said Emily, embarrassed to have witnessed what had just unfolded.
Zach’s face fell. ‘You’re right, of course.’ He paused for a moment, listening to Rebecca’s raised voice. ‘But this is literally the most exciting thing Uncle Daniel has ever done.Ever. And by like a trillion miles.’ Zach emphasised the words with his hands.
‘Zach … I don’t know them and I feel really awkward.’
‘None of us know Rebecca,’ he said. She glared at him. ‘Okay, okay. You’re right.’ He turned his head for one last glimpse of the argument before he let her tug him away. They walked through to the kitchen, where the smells of Christmas dinner greeted them. The Duchess slunk into the utility and curled up on a new mophead.
Emily faced Zach and with a renewed sense of purpose she looked him in the eye. ‘We need to talk.’
Her words seemed to slap him. His expression changed from childlike mischief-maker to undertaker. ‘What is it, Em?’ His eyes searched her face. ‘Is it the porn?’ He shook his head. ‘Of course it’s the porn. I am telling you the God’s honest truth. Like I said I can get Clarky to tell you himself. That man has no shame. He was watching it for most of the stag weekend. I couldn’t avoid it. And I did try.’ Emily tilted her head on one side. ‘Okay, maybe I could have tried a little harder, but I swear I told him to switch it off but he wouldn’t. If I turned it off he switched it back on again. He had paid for some bumper package so he wanted to get his money’s worth.’
She opened her mouth to speak but it was difficult to get a word in.
‘The thing is if Clarky hadn’t been on a porn marathon I wouldn’t have found out about Scott. IknewI’d seen him somewhere before. I remembered because I said toClarky “Since when did Mark Antony have a tattoo?” He was playing Antony inCleo-Pant-Tra.’ He clicked his fingers and his face lit up. ‘And he was Barnum inThe Great Tits Showman.’
‘Are you making those titles up?’ Emily didn’t want to be distracted but she couldn’t stop the corners of her mouth lifting.
‘No, seriously. It was the worst porn I’ve ever seen.Poke-Her-Hontiswas very badly acted.’ Emily’s eyebrows rose and with them Zach’s hands. ‘Not that I’ve watched loads you understand. This is reject porn. That’s what Clarky called it. This stuff is so bad it’s got a bit of a cult following.’ He shook his head. ‘ApparentlyFantastic Breasts and Where to Grind Themwon some awards.’
‘I don’t want to talk about porn.’
‘No. Of course not. Sorry.’ His brow furrowed. ‘Then what did you want to talk about?’
Emily took a deep breath.Here goes nothing. ‘I want you to come to the bathroom with me.’
Zach’s eyes sparkled and he pulled her to him. ‘Comfier in the bedroom. Jessie will be gone for ages if there’s dogs involved.’
‘Zach, I’m not suggesting sex.’ He looked disappointed. She pushed her hair behind her ears and tried to buy herself a moment’s thinking time. She should have thought this through. She couldn’t seem to conjure up enough words to make the sentence she needed to say. Instead she took his hand and led him back into the hallway, past the quarrelling threesome and their assembled audience and up the stairs. She caught Lottie watching them as they passed and she was buoyed by the warm smile she gave her. Emily clutched Zach’s hand tighter and hoped she was doing the right thing.
‘Hang on. I can’t miss this,’ said Zach. ‘You go on up, I’ll be there in a minute.’
Nicola, Daniel and Rebecca were all outside on the doorstep spitting venom at each other while the rest of the family skulked behind the half-open door. Rebecca started off down the steps.
‘Oh, leaving so soon, Rebecca?’ said Nicola, the name sounding oddly acidic on her tongue. ‘I’m sure we could stretch the turkey to one more. Make it a proper familyaffair.’
‘Right,’ said Rebecca, spinning on her heel and marching back up the steps to face Nicola. Nicola stood her ground and Daniel clapped his hands to get their attention.
‘Let’s not do this. I can explain,’ he began.
‘But you’re not,’ said Rebecca, throwing her arms up. ‘You’re ashamed of me. Aren’t you?’
‘Well,obviously,’ said Nicola, drily.
‘Will you shut up?’ snapped Rebecca. ‘My God you’re vile. Why the hell he stayed with you instead of my mum I’ll never know.’
‘Her mum too?’ said Angie with a gasp.
‘Shhh,’ said Bernard.
Nicola stepped back. ‘Who’s your mother?’ she asked. Rebecca didn’t answer so Nicola tilted her head at Daniel.
When he spoke he spoke to his shoes. ‘Elaine.’
Nicola let out a startled, tinkling laugh. ‘Elaine? Your old PA?’ Daniel nodded. ‘Well, of course, I knew all aboutthat.’ Nicola straightened her shoulders.
‘It was years ago,’ said Daniel. ‘It’s been over since—’
‘Since she had me,’ cut in Rebecca. ‘I’m his daughter.’
