Emily turned to Rhys. ‘Thank you,’ she said.
The door opened and Zach popped his head in. ‘Jessie, do you want to give me a hand with something in the garden?’ he asked.
‘Yeah,’ said Jessie, throwing the balloon at Emily andracing to her father. Zach gave Emily a warm smile before closing the door. Now she had no excuse. She steeled herself, clutched her bag to her and left the room.
At last she was in a toilet on her own. No backing out this time, she told herself. No more excuses, no more changing her mind or convincing herself that it was better to do the test with Zach, no seeking out Lottie as a hand to hold. She needed to take responsibility and do this on her own. She actually felt quite calm. She’d spent most of Christmas Eve in a blind panic. On Christmas Day she’d built herself up to do it and then it had all gone horribly wrong. Throughout Boxing Day she’d gone over so many scenarios her brain was porridge. But today it seemed like the right thing to do. She just needed to do the test properly, and not drop the ruddy thing down the loo.
Emily read the instructions carefully – and then reread them for good measure. It was all very straightforward. In a few minutes she’d know for sure if she was having a baby or not. A wave of something rippled through her – but it was hard to tell whether it was excitement or fear.
‘Here we go then,’ she whispered encouragingly to herself as she held the tester stick in position and waited. Emily wondered why it was so hard to summon a wee. She’d been drinking juice and water all day, so there was definitely something in there. She closed her eyes and concentrated, and a little trickle escaped.
The deed was done. All she had to do now was wait.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Lottie was ferrying what she hoped was the last meal she’d be serving this Christmas to the dining room when Emily came downstairs.
‘Have you seen the Duchess?’ Lottie asked Emily. ‘I’ve not seen her since I shooed her off the cakes, and she always shows up for her dinner. I’ve just checked and she’s not eaten anything today.’ Emily shook her head slowly, her face pale and expressionless. Lottie halted. ‘What’s wrong?’
Emily seemed to be considering her response. She opened her mouth, but quickly closed it again as the kitchen door opened.
‘Excellent,’ said Zach, rubbing his hands together as he strode into the hallway. ‘I’m starving.’
‘After what you ate at lunchtime?’ said Emily, slapping on a brave face.
‘I’ve been … fixing stuff in the garden.’
‘Not much point if the place is sold,’ said Uncle Daniel, walking past and taking the trifle Lottie was clutching.
‘Wash your hands,’ said Lottie to Zach.
‘You sound like Nana,’ he said. ‘She was a tyrant too.’ He placed a kiss on Emily’s cheek and went into the cloakroom.
‘What’s up?’ Lottie asked Emily, but before she couldanswer Jessie had popped up in between them. She was bouncing on her heels as if she had springs under her shoes, clearly excited about her secret mission with Zach in the garden.
‘Have you seen Dave?’ she asked.
‘No,’ said Lottie. ‘Have you seen the Duchess?’ Jessie shook her head. ‘Then I think we might have a problem.’
‘Come on,’ said Zach, returning. ‘Teatime.’ He ushered Jessie into the dining room and the others followed.
‘I guess we can look for the animals after tea,’ said Lottie, but nobody was really listening.
This was likely their last meal together. Uncle Daniel was due back at work so he was aiming for a very early getaway in the morning, Scott had been talking about booking a taxi to the station for eight o’clock and Zach was planning to leave after breakfast. Lottie would be all alone by mid-morning. She gave herself a talking to. Being alone was a good thing. She had lots to sort out – not least of all her future – and a whole house to pack up. She’d done what she set out to achieve – one last family Christmas together. Now she needed to focus on whatsheneeded to do. She’d give herself until New Year’s Day to work out a plan, and during that time she’d also make a concerted effort to finish off the tubs of Christmas sweets. Well, it would be rude not to.
Zach helped himself to a large scoop of trifle and pulled her back to the moment. He was looking ridiculously pleased with himself, and she loved him for it. She made a silent pact with herself to see more of her brother in the new year, wherever life was planning on taking her. Zach was who she was closest to in the family, and now she’d made a friend in Emily she needed to make an effort to be more present in their lives.
Jessie was bobbing in her seat with unbridled excitement. She and her father were exchanging winks and knowing looks like they had some sort of hereditary facial tic. Jessie was thoroughly enjoying being a part of the secret. Lottie was a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and without the earlier failed attempts Jessie wouldn’t have had the opportunity to be involved with the proposal. It was lovely to see her pleased about the prospect of Emily joining the family. Lottie really hoped Emily was going to accept when Zach proposed. Regardless of whether she was pregnant or not, those two needed to be together.
Lottie smiled as she looked across at Emily, who was looking pale and solemn. Unease swept over her and her face fell. She wanted Emily to look up, but she was staring intently at her plate. With a heavy heart, Lottie realised what must have happened. She knew that feeling too well. There was no baby. She had an overwhelming urge to scoop Emily up. Lottie had been there herself and she knew only too well what she was going through. Pain spiked in her gut – she didn’t fancy the trifle any more. At least, unlike Lottie, Emily wouldn’t have to go through it alone.
Lottie hurriedly cleared the table in the hope of grabbing a few minutes to console Emily, but Jessie, under her father’s instructions, had already steered her upstairs on a wild goose chase looking for dice. Lottie put her head outside – maybe she should warn Zach. It was dark. The sky was a deep sea blue and a perfect scattering of stars were already twinkling in celebration.
‘Problem!’ yelled Zach, running up the garden.
‘What?’
‘Some of the lights have failed. It currently says “ILL YO MA ME”.’
