‘Why leave? Penny has space.’
‘No, she doesn’t.’ Regan leaned forward. ‘This is her mum’s place. She’s only gone to see her sister for a while. She’ll be back in a few days.’
‘Still, I’m sure her mum won’t mind, and this sofa’s comfy. It would be better than the studio. Just until things steady themselves.’
The last thing Penny’s mother wants to see is another woman living off Penny’s kindness, thought Regan, but it was difficult to explain to Charlie without outing Penny. ‘I’m no charity case – I still have a little pride left. I don’t want people to think I’m a freeloader.’
‘You’re using my kitchen for free.’ He gave a cheeky pout.
‘No, I’m not. I’m paying you in jam.’
He hid a smirk. ‘Excellent. I hear diabetes is a lot of fun.’
She threw a cushion at him.
Mantra class seemed to take on a whole new meaning. Everything Cressy said, Regan was able in some way to relate it back to Kevin. All her thoughts seemed instantly to find a way to be about death and dying; although some mindful eating and a square of dark chocolate did help a little. They also learned a walking meditation, which Regan found difficult. She was usually quite competent at walking in a straight line, even after a few beers, but when she had to do it at a snail’s pace and focus on the soles of her feet, she wobbled all over the place.
‘Sorry.Again,’ she said, grabbing hold of Wendy, who was wearing yet another gloriously colourful kaftan.
‘Don’t worry. I do it all the time. Bloody stroke. It’s like my limbs aren’t connected to me any more. You’ll get the hang of it eventually,’ said Wendy, with a kind smile.
‘I’m not so sure,’ whispered Regan, with another wobble. She caught Charlie trying to hide a grin and he immediately changed his expression to super serious. She gave him a hard stare and his grin returned. Despite her best efforts at trying to keep her distance, she still desperately wanted to snog that grin off his face. But it wasn’t just physical with Charlie – he was the whole package; and that was precisely why she couldn’t get involved. Regan closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on the walking meditation, and promptly toppled over, landing with a thud.
Coffee and custard cream time arrived, and Regan found herself chatting to Mandeep. Regan tried to remember what he’d said when they’d done introductions a few weeks before. ‘So you said you come here because it helps you sleep?’ She wanted to connect with someone that wasn’t there because they were recovering from someawful, life-threatening illness. She needed a break from the Grim Reaper’s shadow.
‘Yeah. I do the body scan every night and it works a treat.’
‘I think I need more practice,’ said Regan, knowing that she definitely did. ‘What made you give it a try?’ She bit into her custard cream. Timing was important; you couldn’t stuff in a biscuit if someone was about to ask you a question.
‘My consultant referred me after I had a brain tumour removed.’
Regan spluttered and apologised profusely for spraying custard cream crumbs all over his Rolling Stones T-shirt.
‘It’s okay. I like that it surprises you. Wearing a turban hides a lot.’
‘I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’ He looked so healthy, but then so did Charlie.
‘Really, it’s fine. I get it a lot. But I’d rather that than people staring or muttering. This way I get treated normally.’
‘I’m so pleased it worked out for you. You were very brave to have the operation,’ said Regan.
‘Didn’t have a choice really. Literally do or die.’ He laughed a hearty chuckle, one that made her feel she should join in, but she couldn’t.
‘You look so well.’ It was hard not to stare.
‘Because I am, now. I still need regular checkups and scans, but other than that I’m all fixed.’
Her eyes drifted to Charlie and Mandeep’s followed her. ‘It’s a brave man that faces death the way he faces life,’ he said.
‘Wise words.’ Sorrow washed over her. ‘I don’t know how he does it.’
Mandeep patted her gently on the shoulder. ‘Becausehe has no choice. To give up now is to let death win an early victory.’ Regan was glad of Cressy’s bell bringing them all back to the present.
The last activity was a full body scan, which Regan was now an old hand at – or so she thought, until she fell asleep. It turned out the power nap was exactly what she needed. Mantra class always helped her get some perspective on things; not just because of the meditation, but because of the people. They were still here after all that had happened to them, and they were carrying on and making the best of every second. She felt bad for having wallowed in the aftermath of Kevin’s accident. The homework was to apply mindful techniques to focus on small things, and she pledged to give it a go. Maybe it would take her mind off the big things?
After work, Regan headed to Charlie’s to make jam while Charlie was at the station. She was trying her best not to get in his way, although it wasn’t entirely working out. She was standing on a chair trying to remove the batteries from the screeching smoke alarm when Charlie came home. He almost tripped over the two crates of strawberries she’d left by the door.
‘Mind the fruit. Bumper day!’ she hollered over the noise whilst she continued to wrench out the battery.
