For a minute, I was grateful that I wasn’t able to say or do anything. Roman said nothing either, and I waited for a while to hear him speak.
Alina glared at him with mild outrage. She’s warned him about not getting me stressed out way too many times, and this was only the umpteenth time she repeated herself to him in hopes that she’d made herself clear, and I hoped he listened. I really did. A good baby girl treatment wouldn’t be bad at this time, I thought.
“Lie down fully,” she said to me gently. “Lift your feet a little bit to the top and breathe slowly.” I did everything she said I should, and the nausea eased for a little while. My eyes hurt from the reflection of light that streamed in from the balcony, and the dizziness remained.
“Do you think it’s the pregnancy that’s causing this to happen?” I tried my best to whisper those words
Alina sighed. Her eyes looked as though she had pity on me right before she replied.
“Yes. And no.”
“What on earth do you mean by that?” I asked, my voice remained still like a river while I awaited her response.
“Your body is reacting to stress. You’ve been through a series of events that all add up to traumatic experiences. I mean, it would be understandable for anyone who’s experienced a wedding catastrophe to have his blood pressure high. And in your condition…” She hesitates. “It is not safe. Not at all.”
My heartbeat began to increase with a loud thud in my ears. If this could affect me, was it possible that I could also affect the baby?
“What of the baby?” I asked, and she straightened out her shirt.
“Don’t worry, your baby is still hanging on in there,” she said with no trace of doubt in her tone. Roman’s hands tightenedinto fists at the sides of his body. I liked the way he stood and paid lots of attention. His face was plastered in worry, yet I wanted him to say something.
Alina adjusted the blanket around me and then turned around to face Roman again.
“I warned you, but you wouldn’t listen,” she uttered with low intonation. Her gaze shot towards him sternly right before she continued. “Liza cannot be involved in anything stressful. Yet you find a way to keep dragging her into whatever it is that you have to do.
“We have only gone to a charity gala since the wedding.”
“Then stop taking her to places where you know clearly that she’s not meant to go. Liza is still recovering, so I’d like you to do me this one big favor.” Alina said
“And what favor is that?”
“I don’t want you to give her information; she is not physically prepared to handle—”
Roman’s voice sounded rough when he answered. “I swear I never meant to hurt her. I swear.”
“Then stop pushing her to do things on your own terms, even if it makes you feel good. Environments mostly invite traumatic experiences, and that’s harmful for both of you. Something like this, if not properly handled, can lead to a miscarriage.” Alina’s words made me open my eyes in shock. I wasn’t prepared for a miscarriage.
“You’re in your early stages of pregnancy and still recovering from a traumatic event, Liza. It’s crazy for you to convince yourself that you’re fine when you know quite well that it’s hard for you to keep a firm stance.”
I swallowed hard because she was right. If only I had obeyed Roman at the first take when he told me to lie back down, I would’ve recovered from the pressure instead of scaring him to call Alina, who now scolded us.
Alina kept talking to Roman, and I paid no attention. My head felt slightly heavy now, and the ease that encompassed me after the breeze blew past my face was soothing.
It wasn’t long before Alina walked out. The door jammed behind her, and the room returned to the silence I had heard the time I woke up.
Roman, on the other hand, stood at the side of the bed and stared at me in a gaze that made me feel like he was sorry for me. I knew that Alina’s words made him feel like this was his fault, but to be fair, I also shared a part of the blame, so it was 50/50.
It surprised me to see him kneel on his knees beside the bed, right before he held my hand and gently grazed from my palm to my elbow. He returned his hands, and they locked in mine like a fist.
“Liza…” He called to me with much calm and intention. Then he said something in Russian, and I found it to sound so sweet. He apologized for putting my precious life at so much risk, and I didn’t like that he apologized because it made me feel guilty.
“I can’t afford to lose you, Liza. I can’t afford to lose you and the baby. And I know it might be hard for you to open up, but please, try.”
I let him kiss the top of my hands. “No more secrets,” I said to him, my voice was cracked and weak.
“Then no more secrets then.” Roman’s smile was attractive.
Seeing him like this was one of the most vulnerable states that I had seen him in. I thought of him as a courageous man to go on his knees, and it almost broke me down to tears.
