I need this. God, I need it.
Threading my fingers into his hair, I held him to me and angled my head to deepen the kiss, pressing up on my toes a little to meet him halfway. A rough, low sound rumbled through him. Then he caged me in completely, one arm braced beside my head and his body pressed flush to mine.
I felt every inch of him through layers of fabric, the sensation overwhelming in the best, most terrifying way. His kisses weren’t frantic but thorough, and I swore I could feel the echo of it all the way down to my bones.
For a second, I thought I might shatter just like this, because it was exactly enough to completely undo me after so long of not being touched at all. Alex’s hips were rolling slightly, like he couldn’t help the movements any more than I could, the friction of the hard bulge under his sweats against my core sending sparks through me.
As I let out another long, breathy moan into the kiss, he finally broke away from me, but it wasn’t clean. Our foreheads rested together, our breaths uneven. His hands were still on my face, his thumbs brushing my cheekbones like he was memorizing them.
I didn’t trust my voice right now, so I just looked at him. His expression shifted as if he’d just realized something. Then he kissed me again, but it was slower, his voice husky as he spoke against my lips. “Come on. We’re not doing this here.”
His mouth left mine just long enough for him to take my hand and guide me toward the staircase, our fingers tangled like neither of us quite trusted the other not to disappear if we let go. We were still kissing, uncoordinated, breathless, and bumpinginto the banister, the wall, and each other, and he laughed when he misjudged a step and I grabbed his sweater to steady him.
“Careful,” I murmured against his mouth.
“Iambeing careful,” he said, immediately proving that to be a lie by kissing me again as we ascended one step at a time.
My heart raced in my chest, my body alive in a way I hadn’t felt in years. If ever, even. Men had always been so far down on my list of priorities that they’d hardly even featured since long before my father’s trial.
Back in college, I’d had a few one-night stands, just something to take the edge off after I’d spent too many hours in the library and my battery-operated boyfriends weren’t cutting it anymore. But that had been years ago, and frankly, none of those faceless strangers who’d wanted me for the exact same reason I’d wanted them had lit a fire in me the way Alex did.
Whatever happened next, I knew one thing with startling clarity. I wasn’t holding myself together anymore. I was letting go.
His bedroom door was already open when we reached it and he nudged it wider with his foot, pulling me inside without breaking the kiss. I barely caught a glimpse of dark wood and a wide bed before he nipped at my lower lip, stealing my attention right back to him.
He backed me up until the backs of my knees hit the mattress and I sank down automatically, tugging him with me, my hands sliding up his chest like they knew where they were going. His body settled between my knees as he laid me down, his lips devouring me until the only thought in my head was how much I wanted this.
All of it. Right now.
Maybe it was the storm, or the alcohol, or the way he’d looked at me downstairs like he’d finally stopped pretending hewasn’t affected, but my fingers curled into the fabric at his waist, tugging him closer, my body already leaning into the next thing.
Alex broke the kiss abruptly, one of his hands coming up to cradle my jaw. “Jane?”
He said my name so quietly that I opened my eyes, finding his gaze focused entirely on me, his breathing choppy and heavy, and a lock of his hair falling across his forehead. “Yeah?”
“I’m not going to fuck you,” he said, the words blunt and almost painful with how much restraint they carried. “But God, I could.”
I swallowed, my heart pounding with both desire and disappointment. “Why not?”
His mouth twitched like he was fighting either a smile or a groan. “Because if I do, I won’t stop. And I don’t want our first time to be because we were snowed in and half drunk, pretending we don’t care what happens tomorrow.”
“So youdocare,” I said softly, staring up at him and trailing my nails gently against his scalp.
“I do.” He exhaled a quiet laugh, shivering a little as he leaned into my touch, but his eyes never left mine. “Here’s what’s going to happen.”
My pulse tripped when he slid a hand from my jaw to my waist, dragging the backs of his fingers against the skin under my waistband. I shivered, my nipples beading into hard points ofplease-touch-meall over again.
He shifted so he wasn’t on top of me anymore, his body fitted to my side as he bent his head to press an open-mouthed kiss to my neck and murmured against my skin. “I’m going to make you come. Twice if you’ll let me. Then we’re going to go to sleep.”
I bit my lips to stifle a moan, my body so very aware of every stroke of his fingers as they swirled beneath my waistband. “What about you?”
“I’m going to lie here for a while after, hard as hell and wishing I didn’t have a conscience so I could just bury myself inside you, but eventually, I’ll fall asleep.” He lifted his head to look up at me again. “Sound like a plan?”
“Yes and no.”
A crooked grin tugged at his lips as he finally hooked his fingers around my waistband and started inching it lower. “It’ll just be a yes soon. Trust me, Killer. It’s going to be allyesesfrom you.”
I glanced at him, watching as he dragged my sweats and panties carefully down my thighs, pulling them all the way off before dropping them on the floor. The hoodie still covered me to mid-thigh, but I couldn’t hide the way my chest was heaving or the blush on my cheeks.
