It took a moment, but she finally managed to look back up, her eyes shining with fresh tears.
“You didn’t lose everything,” I said firmly. “You lost some things. Big things. Painful things. But not everything.”
She swallowed. “It feels like it.”
“I know, and you’re allowed to feel that. You don’t have to be strong here. Just know there’s still hope.”
Her shoulders sagged at that, like she’d been waiting for permission, and she leaned into me again, resting her head against my shoulder while the show played on. We munched on dumplings and drank wine. It didn’t erase the pain of the day, but it eased it a little bit.
Eventually, my gaze drifted to her purse when hers went there again, landing on some papers sticking out of it, crumpled and tear stained. She kept glancing at it, watching it like it might bite. I reached over slowly enough to give her time to stop me, but when she didn’t, I pulled the papers free and unfolded them. My chest tightened as I read the first few paragraphs.
I looked up at her. “Why are you carrying this around like it’s a bomb?”
“That’s Wyatt’s essay,” she said, her voice cracking. “It’s proof that I didn’t imagine it. That I wasn’t crazy. That I really did do everything.”
She stared at the floor for a long time before she finally spoke again. I didn’t interrupt, just shifting a little closer and holding her when the words came tumbling out. “He sent it with his application to Yale. He wouldn’t let me read it before. I guess now I know why. It’s about me.” She drew in a long, shaky breath. “I mean, I’m sure you saw that. You just read it.”
“Only the first few paragraphs,” I said. “Do you want to tell me what the rest of it says?”
She shook her head but started telling me about it anyway. “He wrote about how, when everything happened, after Dad’sarrest and Mom fell apart, I made his lunches, paid our bills, and sat with him at night when he couldn’t sleep.” She swallowed hard. “He knew I was paying for everything, Alex. Heknew.”
A dull ache lodged itself in my chest, but I still didn’t interrupt.
“I tried so hard to keep that from him,” she said, the words spilling out faster now. “From all of them. I didn’t want them to feel guilty, or trapped, or like they owed me anything. I wanted them to have choices. I wanted Wyatt to just be a kid.” She scrubbed at her face with the heels of her hands. “Apparently, I was terrible at hiding it.”
“You weren’t,” I said gently. “You were doing your best.”
She shook her head. “He wrote that watching me made him want to go into business. That he wants to go to Yale and be like me. That I showed him what responsibility looks like. I didn’t want that for him.”
I frowned but waited for her to continue. Honestly, my wife was awesome. I wasn’t surprised her brother wanted to be just like her, but I was a little surprised that she didn’t want him to be.
“I didn’t want him to go into business,” she said, voice breaking again. “I wanted… I wanted him to go into the arts, or history. Something he actually enjoys. Something that wouldn’t eat him alive the way this did to me.”
She laughed again, but the sound was soft and bitter. “Mom just ruined that. The money she’ll get from the sale isn’t going to last like she thinks it will. She doesn’t understand how fast it disappears when you don’t know what you’re doing, and she doesn’t.”
She finally looked up at me, her eyes red and watery. “I did all of that so they wouldn’t end up right back here.”
I drew in a long, slow breath. “Baby, your brother didn’t write that essay because you forced him into it. He wrote it becausehe loves you. Because he saw you and what you were doing, and because what you did mattered.”
She pressed her lips together. “I don’t want him to feel like his life is already mapped out for him, and now Thayer is gone and…”
“And you’re the reason he believes he can do something that hard, Jane. He’s knows exactly how tough business can be and you gave him the gift of believing he can still do it. And Thayer isn’t gone.”
“How can you say that? How can you be so calm about all this?”
“I’m not calm,” I said honestly. “Seriously, you should’ve seen me before you got here. I was a wreck, but I’m focused now.”
“Focused on what? Me?”
“No. Well, okay. Iamfocused on you, too. Obviously, but I’m also focused on fixing it.”
Her shoulders tensed immediately. “You don’t have to do that, Alex.”
“Sure, I don’t, but I’m going to do it anyway.”
She shook her head, sitting up straighter. “It’s not your responsibility to save me.”
“You’re my wife, Jane.” My voice didn’t rise, but it didn’t waver either. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
