“I think we both did,” I admit.
He opens one eye to look at me.“It did seem like you enjoyed it.”
“That’s one way you could describe it.”I honestly can’t believe we are here like this after what happened this morning.So that’s what make-up sex is all about.Now I understand what the big deal is.It’s almost enough to make me consider fighting at least once a week.
But no, because the pain of fighting with him is something I can’t forget that easily.“I really am sorry about earlier.”I reach out to run a hand through his dark hair, brushing it off his forehead.
“I could’ve taken you seriously and listened a little better,” he admits.“You’re scared, and it makes sense.”
“But I don’t want to give this up.”God, no, especially not after what we just did.I’m supposed to go the rest of my life without feeling that kind of abandon?No, thank you.
“We’ll be more careful.”When he reaches out and cups my cheek, closing my eyes and leaning into his touch is the sweetest, most natural thing ever.This is where I want to be.It terrifies me, the way he makes me feel and the way he makes me feel about myself.But I’m still here.That has to mean something.
“So long as you don’t hate me,” I whisper before my throat goes tight.
“I don’t hate you, Giulia.Granted…” he adds with a rueful chuckle, “… there have been times I hate what you do to me.I don’t know what it is, but you make a man take risks.”
“Is that a compliment?”
“I’m not sure, to tell you the truth.”He’s grinning when he leans in to kiss me, and I accept it gratefully.
The touch of his lips says more than words ever could.
16
ALESSANDRO
October comes and goes uneventfully.The pattern of our days settles into a comfortable groove.Three days a week, I have the opportunity to get to know Giulia better, physically and otherwise.We’re careful not to cross paths while she’s at home unless it’s unavoidable, and even then, we don’t spend time alone.
Sophia never did mention her suspicions to me, and now I’m glad I didn’t bring it up to her.I might as well have hung a sign around my neck with the wordguiltyscrawled in red spray paint.In a situation like this, it’s safer to fake ignorance, one of the lessons from my lifelong training.Nice to know I can still use the unique skills I learned.
“I do sort of wish I could go out with the girls on Halloween.”Giulia now sits next to me in the front seat, moving up once we’re down the road from the estate, moving back at roughly the same spot later in the day.We have to keep up appearances in front of the family, of course, if only for her sake.Personally, I don’t care much if Rocco doesn’t like it, but it means a lot to her.I’m willing to take the extra steps if she feels safer that way.Considering I’d move heaven and earth for this woman, it seems like a small sacrifice.
She’s changing me.There’s no other explanation.I hardly recognize this version of myself.Willing to compromise, keeping her needs in mind, and swallowing my pride from time to time.The biggest surprise?I don’t mind all that much.She’s worth it.
I reach over and close a hand over her knee.One thing I don’t like about the crisp weather is that she’s now wearing jeans and leggings instead of her skirts and dresses.The denim under my hand stands between me and her bare skin.I never thought I’d have a personal beef with a pair of jeans.There’s a lot about my life as it stands now that I couldn’t have imagined.“You feel like you’re missing out,” I murmur, merging onto the highway to head for Long Island.
“Of course,” she grumbles, staring out the window to her right.“Everybody else gets to have these experiences I can’t even hope to have.”
She’s not going to want to hear this, but it’s the truth.“You won’t be missing much.I promise.You probably wouldn’t remember most of it the next day.”Snickering, I squeeze her knee.“Have you already forgotten the last time you went out for a big night?”
“You’re just trying to make me feel better.”
“Yes, but it’s true.People go out on Halloween and get blackout drunk.They get in fights with their friends, they throw up, and make sloppy assholes of themselves.That’s the reality,” I conclude.“The night might start out fun, but it always ends up painful.”
She’s quiet for a moment, eventually covering my hand with hers, linking our fingers.“I know you’re right, but I still feel like I’m missing out.I hate always being the person who has to hear about things on Monday morning, you know what I mean?I’m never actually a part of anything.”
“I’m sorry about that.”That’s the truth too.I’m not sorry she isn’t exposing herself to the kind of shit she narrowly escaped the night I pulled that drunken douchebag off her, but I’m sorry she feels like she’s missing out.
Though let’s face it.The fewer chances for another douchebag to put their hands on her, the better.Better for me, too, since I’d have to kill them.
“Would you believe it if I told you I used to feel jealous of normal people?”I ask.
The days are getting shorter all the time, meaning the late afternoon sunlight is golden and warm when she turns her head to look at me.It frames her, creating a halo around her head.I wish I could stare, but I have to turn my attention back to the road.
“No way.”She laughs.
“All the time.”When all she does is snicker, I shrug.“Believe me, if you want or don’t.I’m telling you, when I was younger and watched people my age going through normal rites of passage, joining sports teams and going to dances, there were times I felt jealous.”Especially when it came to the kids whose parents gave a shit about them.My parents didn’t bother to show for my high school graduation, and neither of them cared very much when I announced I wouldn’t go to college.Dad figured I didn’t need to, anyway.The only training I required was the training he would give me, since my future was laid out before me.What a damn joke.
