I can relate because I’m having a hard time believing this is happening, myself.Settling on an action movie, I watch in silence and try not to remember what a Friday night used to look like.
* * *
“Oh, fuck me.”
Those are the words that wake me up out of sound sleep somewhere around dawn.I’ve heard them many times at this point in the day while lying in bed.Whispered, moaned, you name it.
But never with the kind of dismay I hear now.
I understand why, as soon as I open my eyes and find myself staring at a head of curly black hair.She’s in my arms.Her head is on my chest, and her leg is draped over mine.Somewhere in the past six hours, we wound up…cuddling.
And now she’s horrified.
It’s a mistake to sit up as fast as she does—she grabs her head with one hand, groaning pitifully.“Did I get hit by a truck?Oh, God, I feel like death.”
“You would feel a lot worse if you hadn’t thrown up so much.”Meanwhile, there’s a crick in my neck from the way my head lolled on my shoulder once I fell asleep.
She cracks one eye open, cringing once she looks my way.“I’m afraid to ask.Why are we in bed together?Everything is so fuzzy.This is your apartment, right?What happened?”
I could fuck with her.Plant all kinds of ideas in her head and let them fester throughout the ride home.The idea appeals to me for a few seconds, but it fizzles quickly when I remember how sad and lonely she sounded last night when she talked about wanting to feel normal for once.There was something touching about it, and not much touches me.I make a point of that.
Instead of playing a game, I roll my eyes before swinging my legs over the side of the bed.“You told your mama you were staying with your friends and promised her to be home first thing this morning, that’s what happened.Your clothes were ruined, but the clothes you left the house in are still in your backpack in the car.I’m sure you could pull a quick change on the way home.”And this time, I’ll keep my eyes to myself.
“You covered for me.”Her mouth hangs open as she watches me round the bed on my way out to the bathroom.
“So you do remember more than you thought you did.”I stop in the doorway to look back at her.“Pull it together.You’re not the first person to ever hide a hangover from their parents.”
That’s right.It’s easier, safer to chuckle at her horror and misery than it is to think about how good it felt, waking up with Giulia head on my chest.How soundly I slept with her in my arms.
7
GIULIA
“I’ll let you know when I’m on my way out.”I can barely bring myself to look up at Alessandro as he holds the car door open for me so I can get out.It’s been a whole week since he saved my ass, and I still can’t bring myself to look at him.It’s too awkward.I’m too embarrassed.
“Watch it!”he barks.All at once, I’m pressed against his chest with his arm around me, holding me close.My breath catches, and I don’t know what to do with the sudden rush of heat that warms my cheeks and makes my pulse flutter.
Thank God, I come to my senses before I can close my eyes and soak in the smell of his cologne—spicy, musky, something that makes me want to bury my face in his neck and inhale.“What are you doing?”I snap, prying myself free.
Nobody can scowl the way he does.“You almost got hit by a car when you got out without looking first.Where is your head lately?”The derision in his voice is actually a relief.He’s been strangely nice to me this past week, and it makes me wonder if there’s something he’s not telling me about the blank space in my memory.Did I, like, pour my guts out to him or something?And I’m not talking about throwing up, which I remember doing and cringe at the thought every time.
“Distracted, I guess.Thanks for paying attention,” I offer.It seems like he keeps coming up with reasons to make me thank him, and I hate him for it, the way I hate him for so many things.
That might be the problem in a nutshell.As I cross the sidewalk on my way to the courtyard for a pre-class latte, it hits me that I hate feeling indebted to him.It’s like he has the upper hand now because we share this secret—saving my ass from some creep in the club, covering for me with Mama and Papa, and even dealing with me being sick and drunk at his apartment.It hangs between us now, coloring every moment and interaction.
I feel like I owe him something.Like he knows more about me than I do about him.And I can hardly look at him because of that.
“Hey!Giulia!”Olivia waves an arm overhead to gain my attention, and I lift a hand to wave on my way to the coffee cart.I understand what happened at the club—the girls figured I was set for the night and didn’t want to interfere with what they thought was a good thing between me and whoever he was.I never got his name.
It’s pretty obvious they feel bad about it, but I’m not going to hold a grudge.These things happen, I guess.It was definitely a learning experience.
And dammit, I hate that I have to be grateful Alessandro was there to swoop in and save the day.Of all people, why did it have to be him?Life was so much easier when he was a one-dimensional shadow—evil, violent, cruel.Now he’s a person I cuddled with for hours while he held me.I slept with my head on his bare chest and had to pretend it didn’t matter.
Even now, my pulse quickens when I remember how smooth and firm his chest felt.His massive shoulders and ripping abs are burned in my memory and never fail to make something flutter low in my core when I think about them.
And God help me, I think about them way too much.Drinking isn’t the only thing I’m not experienced in.Maybe if I had a chance to date around a little, I wouldn’t be so excited by a few muscles.It’s pretty sad when I think about it that way.
Only Serena and Olivia have class this early, so the three of us sit together and chat for a few minutes, as we have done the past two days I was on campus.I wouldn’t mind if this became a ritual this semester.It’s sort of a way for me to slide into my school life before class starts, like switching gears away from the life I lead the rest of the week.And it’s a distraction from the very fresh, very pulse-pounding memory of being pressed against a certain firm chest.
