Okay, then.I guess that’s how it works.This is all overwhelming.So much noise, so many unwritten rules I don’t know about.When Olivia offers another round of shots, I accept gratefully.Maybe it’ll help me loosen up and fit in better.
“Where’s Maddie?”I almost have to scream, and even then, I can barely hear myself.She’s not where we left her.“Should I text her?”
Serena stands on her tiptoes, scanning the room before pointing to one of the semi-circular booths, where Maddie is kissing the football player or whoever he is.“She’s set for the night,” she decides, like it’s that easy.I guess it is.I wouldn’t know.
Olivia looks me up and down, eyebrows raised.“So what about you?”
“What about me?”I ask before being shoved from behind.Not hard, but enough to make me stumble a little.It’s so damn crowded in here, and I’m not exactly steady after three shots.
“Have you seen anybody you like tonight?”she asks.
I’m glad it’s dark enough that she won’t be able to see me blushing.“I don’t know.I…”Have never been to a club.I’ve barely ever been to a party.The closest I’ve come to anything remotely like this is the dances we used to have with our all-boys ‘brother’ school, where I had my only experience with guys.A few stolen make-out sessions behind the bleachers when the chaperones weren’t looking is about as much experience as I’ve had.
I’m in another world now.
And I have no idea what I’m doing.
“Do you need more to drink?”Next thing I know, she’s dragging me over to the bar, elbowing her way through the crowd.Considering we’re all eighteen, she seems pretty at home around here.I might as well be an alien on a new planet, being jostled by people on all sides, overwhelmed by the voices and all of the overlapping perfumes and colognes, and the way my shoes stick to the floor whenever I stand in the same place for too long.
When Olivia hands me a glass filled with reddish liquid, I eye it skeptically.“It’s good!Just shoot it back,” she insists.
I’m finally getting the chance to live a little, and I might as well go all-in.I toss the drink down my throat as she does and fight to play it off like it’s no big deal, even though it’s way stronger than what we drank earlier.When she hands me another one, I do it again.It’s easier this time.
There’s a funny sort of warmth filling my veins after another minute or so.The beat of the music works its way through me, pushing aside my fears.I could be anybody tonight, from anywhere.I can let go of everything holding me back.
“Let’s dance!”I shout.Olivia nods, and we fight our way onto the dance floor.Brynn and Serena meet up with us there, and pretty soon we’re all dancing with our arms in the air, swinging our hair and cheering each other on.
So this is what I’ve been missing out on.The feeling of freedom.Moving with the music.Not thinking about it too much.Letting go.
It’s easy to lose myself, and I welcome the feeling.I’m alive and in love with the world.I love the music.I love my new friends.I love tasting real life for just a little while.
I love it so much that when a pair of hands land on my hips from behind, I don’t shove them away.Instead, I look over my shoulder and size up the cute guy now dancing with me.
“Hey!”he calls out, his chest pressed against my back.
I’m a little thrown off at first, but go with it because isn’t this the point?Meeting people, maybe connecting?And heisreally cute, with a head full of hair almost as curly as mine and a smile that eases my doubts.“Hi!”I shout back, leaning against him when instinct tells me to.Soon we’re moving as one, letting the beat and the chemistry between our bodies lead us.The warmth that filled me when I drank those shots turns to heat.
Until he cups one of my boobs, and I freeze.
“Don’t do that!”I swat his hand away, then push him back.I’m surprised none of the girls jump in to rescue me, at least until I realize they’re gone.Somehow, in the past minute or two, they totally abandoned me.
“What’s your problem?”He rakes a hand through his hair, scowling.“If you don’t want to dance, just say you don’t want to.”
It’s not the dancing I mind.I would tell him that, too, if the music wasn’t so loud and my head wasn’t suddenly spinning like it is.I need to find the girls.My legs are rubbery, and I feel all hot and sweaty.
When I turn away, trying to find one of them, the room spins, and I sort of fall back against him.His hand closes around my arm.“You look like you need help!”the guy shouts, looming over me, making me cringe and stealing all the air around me.
He’s too big.
I don’t like this.
“No.Let me go.”My tongue is thick, and I can’t stand up straight without swaying because the room is tilting.
His grip tightens, and a flash of something close to pain makes me think of all the stories I’ve ever heard about girls who end up hurt or worse after meeting the wrong person.Is he the wrong person?I don’t know.I don’t know anything.I just know I want to get out of here and away from him, but he won’t let me go.
“Let me help you,” he insists with a smile that turns my stomach when it made me feel relaxed at first.“You’ll be okay.Let’s get out of here.”
When he starts to pull me across the dance floor, I try to plant my feet, but all I do is stumble and go down on one knee.“Let me go!”It’s a shriek, a plea.I’m going to be trampled.Too many people, too many feet, nobody notices me.
